# "Friends with benefits"--were you actually ever friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053 "2006-08-02T19:16:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AndrewL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@AndrewL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndrewL)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/21 "2006-08-03T16:29:54Z")
I was in a “fuckbuddy” relationship with a woman with whom I had been friends with for about five years previously. We already had common interests, common friends, and would hang out together for hours on a regular basis, and managed to keep the same friendship going even after we started having sex. There was actually a brief time when we first started when we weren’t sure if we’d just be fuckbuddies or become something more serious, but neither of us was looking for a more permanent relationship at the time. It worked great for about half a year, then she and her then-husband decided to try once last time to put their marriage back together. So we went back to being just friends, no hard feelings. About a year after that they finally got a divorce. We hooked back up, and decided to try for a more serious relationship. Must have worked out as we’re married now, although I still regard her as being a good friend first and foremost. I suppose this doesn’t really count as a true FWB relationship, since there were apparantly deeper feelings on both our parts and keeping it as a fuckbuddy relationship was more an issue of us not being ready or in a position for anything more permanent. I’ve never actually seen a FWB relationship work, although I’ve heard enough anecdotal evidence to suggest it is possible. Seems to me the danger is one or the other partner wanting the relationship to turn into something more, while the other is just not interested. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/22 "2006-08-03T16:37:57Z")
[QUOTE=ArchiveGuy] Who cares? I’ve got plenty of friends. Benefits–they’re harder to come by. 😃 [/QUOTE] Well that’s because of outsourcing. Fuck’n NAFTA. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/23 "2006-08-03T20:06:05Z")
Harumph. I need to get me some of these friends with benefits. There’s a 6 pack of em on sale at Walmart. Crap, now I know why I don’t have any. They’re at Walmart. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/24 "2006-08-03T20:14:01Z")
I never even heard of this untill I read about it on the SDMB a couple of years ago. Either it was never a part of my generation’s usual behaviour, or… I just ‘happened’ to miss it, for whatever reason. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/25 "2006-08-03T21:15:10Z")
[QUOTE=saoirse] Well that’s because of outsourcing. Fuck’n NAFTA. [/QUOTE] At first skim, I thought you were cursing NAMBLA. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/26 "2006-08-03T21:19:04Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] At first skim, I thought you were cursing NAMBLA. :eek: [/QUOTE] What’s wrong with cursing NAMBLA? Can you think of any reason NOT to curse 'em? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/27 "2006-08-03T22:10:25Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] What’s wrong with cursing NAMBLA? Can you think of any reason NOT to curse 'em? [/QUOTE] If you were to curse them for, say, not working hard enough on your behalf? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/28 "2006-08-03T23:05:54Z")
No. But she sure was _friendly._ ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/29 "2006-08-04T02:05:28Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] If you were to curse them for, say, not working hard enough on your behalf? 😉 [/QUOTE] 😕 I don’t think you’re trying to call me a pedophile; I think I’m just missing something; so I’m not going to be offended. But why would I want the North American Man-Boy Love Association to work on my behalf? Why would _anyone_? ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/30 "2006-08-04T02:42:31Z")
Had one. We’d been dating (and screwing) for a while in college, then broke up (but stayed friends). Later, when she emerged from a religious conversion as polyamorous, the friendship came to include benefits. We’re still friends (without benefits) today. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/31 "2006-08-04T12:22:54Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] 😕 I don’t think you’re trying to call me a pedophile; I think I’m just missing something; so I’m not going to be offended. But why would I want the North American Man-Boy Love Association to work on my behalf? Why would _anyone_? [/QUOTE] Exactly. Q) Why would you not curse NAMBLA? A) You would _not_ curse them for not working hard enough on your behalf. You do not _want_ them to work on your behalf. They are _welcome_ not to work on your behalf. The more they _do not_ work on your behalf, the happier you will be. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/32 "2006-08-04T13:37:50Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] Exactly. Q) Why would you not curse NAMBLA? A) You would _not_ curse them for not working hard enough on your behalf. You do not _want_ them to work on your behalf. They are _welcome_ not to work on your behalf. The more they _do not_ work on your behalf, the happier you will be. [/QUOTE] Okay, I get you now; one of those triple-negatory things. I still think we should bomb their headquarters, though. And feed all the survivors to rabid, half-starved mongooeses. (Mongeese?) I’d do it myself, but I’m supposed to be a bad guy. I don’t know what the problem with all you non-evil people is, though. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/33 "2006-08-04T13:55:10Z")
My longest-standing “friend with benefits” was a true friend. A girlfriend, originally, but we had some issues there and stopped working at being romantic partners after a couple of years. For years after that, though, we were friends who fucked like monkeys when we were unattached to anybody else, with no expectations beyond that. We always supported each other the way that friends do. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/34 "2006-08-04T16:37:11Z")
I’ve had two. One might have called us fuckbuddies, but in both cases, we were genuinely friends before, during and after until we drifted apart. In fact, I ran into one of them the other day, 27 years after the fact. She’s happily married now with two kids. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2006, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/35 "2006-08-04T17:01:52Z")
I had one girl who would constantly bitch at me for every little thing I did. This woman was ALWAYS on my case about something. Some how our relationship turned physical. It started we were both at a house party of some mutual friends. At one point in the night I told her I’d give her a ride home when she was ready. Later that night she got all over my case about something (I can’t remember what). I figured she was so super pissed at me she didn’t want me to give her a ride home anymore. (She had plenty of other friends there who had offered). I started to leave with out her. She then got all pissed off about that. So I gave her a ride to shut her the fuck up. We get to her house she _then_ gives me a ration of shit because I didn’t walk her to the door. So I walk her to the door I walk inside she then just attacks me. (In a good way). I was so taken off guard; I pulled back for a second. She then snaps back at me: “Do you want to make out or what?!” To which I shrugged my shoulders and said “sure”. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that whole "Bitch from hell’ thing was kind of a turn on. We’ve actually have had a _few_ good times together. But mostly I just remember her being pissed at just about every thing I did. I think maybe she just had some sort of weird fetish for “angry sex”. ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/36 "2006-08-05T08:27:06Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] And feed all the survivors to rabid, half-starved mongooeses. (Mongeese?) [/QUOTE] Polygoose. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/37 "2006-08-05T23:26:34Z")
[QUOTE=MostlyClueless] Polygoose. [/QUOTE] _cheers_ ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2006, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/38 "2006-08-05T23:50:04Z")
(As a disclaimer I’d like to add that I read the term on the Dope, first) ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2006, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053/39 "2006-08-06T10:24:37Z")
More of an acquaintance really. I think she was hoping for it to blossom into a real relationship but I just wanted to have sex. After it ended we went our seperate ways. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits-were-you-actually-ever-friends/367053.md?page=1)