# "Friends with benefits" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2011, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133 "2011-08-02T02:28:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/61 "2011-08-03T11:04:31Z")
I think there is always potential for painful feelings, but again that happens in all relationships. Indeed, romantic relationships are a lot more likely to end with someone getting hurt because their partner isn’t that in to them. It’s not like dating never breaks your heart. With FWB, what you see is what you get, and if you let you feelings run over in spite of that, you have nobody to blame but yourself. I think people are less likely to get hurt if the terms are clear. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/62 "2011-08-03T11:25:06Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I think it’s delusional to pretend there won’t be any strings, and most of the “FWB” situations I’ve seen really just consist of women being strung along by men. You can think that all you want. Doesn’t make it any more true. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/63 "2011-08-03T17:07:46Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > It never works. One person will always want something more. Pretty much this. Oh, it wasn’t _bad_. Just confusing and unsettling - See-sawing back and forth. We gave it up by mutual decision because maintaining balance was burning far more energy than even a bad relationship would consume. Not sorry I had that relationship - Otherwise I’d have always wondered. Plus, there was some pretty awesome sex, and more than a few really good pub crawls. But over all, just not worth the energy expended. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/64 "2011-08-03T17:18:31Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > You can think that all you want. Doesn’t make it any more true. Sure it does. It amazes me a little bit that there are people in the universe younger than 100 who aren’t deeply religious that don’t understand sometimes people just want sex. Nothing more, nothing less. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/65 "2011-08-03T17:25:41Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Sure it does. > > It amazes me a little bit that there are people in the universe younger than 100 who aren’t deeply religious that don’t understand sometimes people just want sex. Nothing more, nothing less. I think you misread me, since I agree with you. I disagreed with **Diogenes the Cynic** ’s assertion that people who think they’re happy in a FWB relationship are deluding themselves. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/66 "2011-08-03T17:27:27Z")
No, I was attempting ha-ha re: Dio pronouncing it true because he says so. “Sure it does” was meant ironically. FTR, I voted “I’ve had one and it kicked ass.” ---
**Author:** ![VitrolicBump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a587f6/32.png) [@VitrolicBump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VitrolicBump)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/67 "2011-08-03T17:38:11Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > Never tried it, never had the interest. I’d much, much rather have a snugglebuddy. I completely agree here. We all want to be wanted and needed. Plus a touch from another person is completely taken for granted. I could snuggle all day and night. Now onto my FWB issue. I have had several (don’t give me the eye!). While they are great for a little bit, I find that most of the time one of us will want more, mainly being the guy. While I have been actively looking for a relationship (some of the time I had a FB, it was doing so) I would not consider a buddy for it. To me, I feel there is a lack of respect and no real connection. Not that it hasn’t been tried just doesn’t work out. In addition, one FWB raped me and another, who was an ex, ended up doing the same thing. (Don’t even ask..ugh) So for me, it didn’t work out. I usually find that someone is wanting more even though they say they don’t. They want to say what you want to hear, not the truth. Pursuing them after awhile has made me feel used and cheated. I know this sounds hypocritical to say but generally I’m not the one asking and I know I could say no but for the most part I’m needy too and urges tend to take over. I don’t have complete control of my feelings so it basically sucks. I deal by just going dry. 😛 F/30 ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/68 "2011-08-03T18:45:45Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > No, I was attempting ha-ha re: Dio pronouncing it true because he says so. “Sure it does” was meant ironically. FTR, I voted “I’ve had one and it kicked ass.” Ohhhhhhhh. My bad! ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/69 "2011-08-04T01:56:05Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > You have to actually try it before you can make a judgement. > > \ > > However, if the two of you have very little in common besides having the hots for the other, then it becomes very easy to meet up, have sex and part ways. This is my experience, too. The only time I saw the guy I had a FWB relationship with was when we had sex. He was great in bed, but we shared few interests other than enjoying sex with each other. If we ever did go out to dinner, it was usually because we were hungry and were then planning to have sex. When the arrangement ended, neither of us was hurt. ---
**Author:** ![optimisticcynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4da419/32.png) [@optimisticcynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/optimisticcynic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/70 "2011-08-05T01:48:07Z")
The only downside I would see is if the “friend” gets too over emotional/stimulated to leave the relationship at that. I do OK (or better) in the woman get your nut off. So I have some concern about the long term wanting more situation. (And don’t bring on the SDMB you are a selfish bastard, BS). Isn’t that what FWB is about? ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/71 "2011-08-05T06:53:51Z")
Sure. At my advanced age in my mid-thirties, I don’t really care to screw someone whom I don’t like as a potential friend. Even the old one-night people I genuinely liked. Never had a FWB per se – longer term “acquaintances” weren’t really friends, as such, but more like flesh-puppets who liked to ball a bunch – but I’d say that’d be fine – who cares, really? Just having some fun. These days I’d just as soon rub out some knuckle children as get involved with more names on my dance card, though – getting laid is fine, but it’s not that big a deal and if you don’t like the person, it’s too much of a hassle. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/72 "2011-08-05T20:38:25Z")
I’ve tried this once. It ended up not working out, but it was an amicable split. I developed feelings for him, told him I didn’t think I could be with him anymore unless he felt the same, he didn’t, and we went our separate ways. I would say I underwent a little post-fwb grief, just because I wouldn’t allow myself to see him anymore and I missed him (and the sex was The Best Ever TM), but it passed way more quickly than if we’d been in a regular relationship. And now I have very fond memories of our shenanigans; I learned and experienced more in the couple months we fwbbed than I have in my entire sexual life with all my other partners combined. I feel like I probably would have been able to separate the physical from the emotional if I hadn’t been SO attracted to him. He was gorgeous, and I don’t usually get with gorgeous guys. I would definitely try it again, but I’d feel safer with someone uglier. ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/73 "2011-08-05T22:15:09Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > in the couple months we fwbbed My new favorite verb. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/74 "2011-08-05T22:25:12Z")
I didn’t vote, as I have had more than one FWB situation and they ended differently. In one case it was okay because our expectations were parallel; we remained friends once it ended. In other case one of us (me) was far more invested than the other, and I got hurt badly. In the third I was a jackass and the other person got hurt. I’d not do it again. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/75 "2011-08-05T22:41:51Z")
> [@E.Thorp](#): > > My new favorite verb. Agreed. I mentally pronounce it “fwubbed”. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/76 "2011-08-05T23:57:41Z")
Done it a bunch and it has always worked out great. In all cases it was more “date with benefits”. Every once in a while it feels special to have something going on for the weekend, you get dressed up a little, go downtown, check out new restaurants and bars. You have a great time together and at the end of the night you go back to her place and have sex, cuddle, maybe take a shower together in the morning, have morning sex. It’s almost like the really good parts of a “real” relationship. The only difference is, when you take off the next morning, nobody is worried the next time you will get together, or calling each other every night, or any of the crap that come with moving a relationship forward. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/77 "2011-08-06T00:31:54Z")
I’ve always pronounced fwb as “fwib” in conversation with friends, so I say it “fwibbed.” Fwubbed sounds much more hilarious, though. Like a fwubber fwucky. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/78 "2011-08-06T00:37:44Z")
The best sex I have ever had was with a friend who I never planned on pursuing any further. She, likewise, had no plans of ever being with me. The sex was great because of the emotional connection, but there was never any romance involved. Four years later, we’re still good friends. Best friends, in fact, and we’ve not fucked since. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/79 "2011-08-06T01:13:30Z")
I want the crystal ball owned by the writer of the article the OP read. Then before embarking on any form of relationship you will know whether it will work out well or not. If people followed the writer’s logic they wouldn’t bother trying marriage either because “one of the participants will eventually want more and you might as well have dispensed with the whole thing.” ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133/80 "2011-08-08T13:51:16Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > I’ve always pronounced fwb as “fwib” in conversation with friends, so I say it “fwibbed.” Fwubbed sounds much more hilarious, though. Like a fwubber fwucky. Or a fwuckbuddy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-with-benefits/591133.md?page=5)