# Friendship question - Do you think I would come off as an asshole if I... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 14, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235 "2003-11-14T13:46:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235/21 "2003-11-14T18:46:49Z")
Don’t do your housemates essay for her. If her illness has prevented her from working on it, she should ask the professor for an extension. If her dyslexia makes it difficult for her to do the project, she should work with the professor and whatever resources the university has. That said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you helping her with it, since you are knowledgeable about the topic. But your help should be limited to suggesting books and sources, and discussing the subject with her, not writing for her. As for Adam and Claire, it all depends on how close a friend Adam is. If he’s a really close friend, and they’re actually about to get married (i.e. not just talking about it), you should tell him. (If you can’t bring yourself to tell him directly, mail him an anonymous note.) Otherwise, don’t say anything. If your entire circle of friends knows, he’ll find out eventually. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235/22 "2003-11-14T19:57:32Z")
Repeat after me: “Claire - write me a 3000 word essay about the Holocaust or I’m busting you for your slut act. I need it Tuesday.” ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_Hicks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Ben\_Hicks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_Hicks)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235/23 "2003-11-15T13:13:20Z")
Okay, thanks for your opinions everyone. THey’re all appreciated. I just wanna make a few comments and clear up a couple of things. **Lockseeker** > [@](#): > > I think offering to write the paper would just hurt her in the long run…and maybe even you. Does the word “crutch” mean anything to you? You don’t want to become one That’s a damn good point. I hadn’t thought about it like that. **AskNott** > [@](#): > > Tell her, “If you had started this thing on time, I could have told you where to find the material. Now, I’m up to my neck in my own work. Sorry.” She actually started it over a month ago. She is _very_ dyslexic and the mountain of research (which I just happen to have already read over the last couple of years independently) takes her a lot longer than most people. As far as I’m aware she started working on this essay the day she found out about it. **featherlou** > [@](#): > > Writing your friend’s paper for her is unethical and immoral, and could possibly get her tossed out for cheating. What concerns me is how easily you toss off the idea of doing it for her - how’s your own morality doing there, chief? It _could_ get her tossed out for cheating but only if someone found out which would be unlikely in the extreme. I’d put better odds on Elvis landing a flying saucer on the back of the loch ness monster than anyone finding out I did the essay (or the bulk of it at least) on her behalf. As for the morality of cheating, well, I don’t want to drag this into a debate on ethics. I’ll save that for GD if that’s ok. **Ferret Herder** > [@](#): > > IMO, she sounds like she’s being passive-aggressive about this - like she wants you to do it for her but isn’t going to come out and ask. I don’t really think that’s the case. I can’t really explain why other than to say I know her and I know passive aggressive and that profile doesn’t fit her. **Stover9** > [@](#): > > If you enjoy writing essays, either a) just do it for her if she’s ill and someday she’ll repay you in some other way or b) write it together - make her develop - you type/write/advise. Sounds like you kind of want to do it anyways. That’s what I wanted to hear 🙂 However, **Lockseeker’s** point about becoming a crutch is well taken too. I probably **won’t** do the essay for her but will help out with the planning stage. **Celyn** > [@](#): > > Re. her recent illness, well, if that is a serious consideration, then it might very well be possible to arrange for the essay deadline to be extended if she has genuine reason. She’s been in touch with her tutor about this very issue by e-mail and is waiting for a reply. **Bippy the Beardless** > [@](#): > > It is important that the essay is her own work, but you can help by suggesting ideas, helping correct errors, helping her find good sources of info. That’s probably what I’ll do. Thanks dude 🆒 Anyway, problem two. The bulk of the advice seems to be stay out of it. Although I had nothing to do with the situation I’m aware of it and that means I’m gonna be burned whatever I do. I figure staying out is the best form of damage control. Besides, I don’t know how things are going to turn out and I could conceivably make things worse. Just a couple of quick comments though. **Stover9** > [@](#): > > Is Claire your housemate? No. **Hamadrydad** > [@](#): > > There’s really nothing you CAN do. The most you can do is talk to Claire, and ask her if she loves Adam enough to give up Bob. If she doesn’t, tell her she either needs to tell Bob and let him decide whether he loves her enough to stay with her, OR she needs to break it off with Adam. She shouldn’t be marrying him if she doesn’t love him enough to either break off the engagement or tell the truth. Nicely put. This is definately the safest option for all concerned IMO. **Giraffe** > [@](#): > > As for Adam and Claire, it all depends on how close a friend Adam is. If he’s a really close friend, and they’re actually about to get married (i.e. not just talking about it), you should tell him. (If you can’t bring yourself to tell him directly, mail him an anonymous note.) Bringing myself to tell him isn’t really the problem. I’m pretty disgusted with Claire so smashing her sordid love triangle would be a pleasure. However, she _has_ sworn that she loves Adam and that she’ll try to steer clear of Bob, out of sight and out of mind 'n all that. I don’t want to tell Adam if the thing between Claire and Bob is over. Thanks again for your comments everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Wheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4da419/32.png) [@Wheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheel)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235/24 "2003-11-15T15:51:57Z")
Adam, Bob and Claire? A-B-C? 🙂 you wouldn’t be pulling ol’ wheel’s leg would you? ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_Hicks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Ben\_Hicks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_Hicks)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235/25 "2003-11-15T18:13:15Z")
Nah, just changing the names for the sake of privacy 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235/26 "2003-11-16T07:01:09Z")
Tell Bob to STOP fucking Adams girlfriend and START fucking your housemate. Maybe that will put a stop to her endless whining. Also, tell Claire to write the 3000 page essay on the holocast or you’ll tell of her indescrestions to Adam. Everybody wins! ---
**Author:** ![otterish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e68b1a/32.png) [@otterish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otterish)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235/27 "2003-11-17T07:13:20Z")
If “everyone in your circle of friends” knows about Claire and Bob, Adam likely does, too. He may not know that Bob is the culprit, but unless he’s a complete dolt, he probably has a clue that something is going on. Is Bob really the kind of guy you want as one of your best friends? What happens if YOUR girlfriend finds him attractive? Obviously, he wouldn’t hesitate to put you in Adam’s unenviable position… ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235/28 "2003-11-18T23:21:16Z")
Locked per request of OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friendship-question-do-you-think-i-would-come-off-as-an-asshole-if-i/213235.md?page=1)