# From "Polls only, no discussion": I would like to discuss being attracted to a person of another gender than usual if you met the right person **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 10, 2022, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258 "2022-05-10T21:38:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/1 "2022-05-10T21:38:38Z")
> [@Polls only: No discussion](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polls-only-no-discussion/953642/1232): > > For people who are strictly hetero- or homosexual: I can imagine myself being attracted to a different gender than usual if I met the right person. [poll](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polls-only-no-discussion/953642/1232) It’s early days still, but we’re looking at 80% no. I’m actually surprised it’s _only_ 80% no. I originally posted that yes, I could probably settle down with the right guy if I met him, but then I realized I’ve never been attracted to another guy in my life, that I’m pretty much Kinsey 0, so I changed my vote and voted no. I’d like to start a discussion on this topic, and I’d like it to go smoothly without people devolving into calling each other raging homophobes, hopefully. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/2 "2022-05-10T21:41:26Z")
You forgot to actually start a discussion. You seem to have only posted a few parameters instead. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/3 "2022-05-10T21:45:22Z")
Yeah, I don’t think it’s possible for me to have a sexual relationship with a woman. I could live happily with hugs and separate bedrooms with a woman who I loved and respected, but it would never be a full relationship. This is certainly not what I prefer. I don’t like this about myself. I believe that bi-sexuality is the most evolved form of attraction. I would love to be able to fall in love with the person/heart/mind first, and be able to trust my body to respond accordingly. I am frustratingly not wired in that way. I living proof that homosexuality is not something one can just choose. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/4 "2022-05-10T21:57:16Z")
I have only had sexual relationships with men, and I am more attracted to men (That was more true before menopause, when I could tell when I ovulated because suddenly men seemed MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE than usual.) So I thought I was qualified to answer. But I’m a kinsey 1 or 2, and there are women I’ve found hot, and lots of men I have zero interest in. So I answered “yes”. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/5 "2022-05-10T21:58:26Z")
I’m an extremely hard-wired cis hetero guy. I’m open-minded, but my body and my emotions just aren’t… ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/6 "2022-05-10T21:59:20Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > You forgot to actually start a discussion. Quite so. Okay, like I said, though I’m not oblivious to what an attractive male _looks_ like, I’ve practically never been attracted to one myself. Actually, I misspoke when I said I was Kinsey 0. I’m probably Kinsey 1. If Tom Hiddleston appeared in my bed, I doubt I’d kick him out, but I’d probably go no farther than cuddling. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/7 "2022-05-10T22:01:52Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I believe that bi-sexuality is the most evolved form of attraction. I expect that some number of the 20% sort of boil down to a philosophical feeling like this. Like, depending on how one parses “strictly heterosexual”, I can see someone thinking “Sure, while I’ve never been sexually attracted to someone of my same gender, it seems like I ought to be open-minded enough to do so, so… maybe”? I’d consider myself a Kinsey 1… 1.5 maybe? So by my reading of “strictly”, I’m not qualified to answer the question. Could also be some trans-acceptance (or… I’m not sure what to call it). Like, I, a hypothetical Kinsey 0 hetero man, could hypothetically imagine myself attracted to a hypothetical trans man because it’s hard for me to unpack how much of my attraction to women is based on biology and how much on socially determined gender. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/8 "2022-05-10T22:10:37Z")
Sorry, I just can’t. I’m a very cishet guy. Too hard-wired. That being said, I think I am capable of seeing/feeling **why** women would like a guy. You can think “If I were a woman, that’s the man I’d want” without being gay. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/9 "2022-05-10T22:17:25Z")
I’m pretty much like **@puzzlegal** in that I have not actually had sex with a woman but have been attracted. So I said yes on the poll. However, on one occasion many years ago, I almost did have sex with a woman, but I really liked her, and I just didn’t want to make her my “experiment”. She knew what I meant about that and didn’t push, but to this day I somewhat regret letting the opportunity go. I don’t think it would have changed my basic heterosexuality but who knows. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/10 "2022-05-10T22:18:50Z")
I can conceive of a man who is pretty. This doesn’t usually align with who other men say are pretty, but I’ve seen some guys who have the qualities I find attractive in a woman. The problem is that there is also this sort of aversion that also kicks in when I imagine doing anything other than just looking–including cuddling, which is something I otherwise really like. I could conceivably work through that aversion, but I doubt I would ever have reason to do so. Hence I would say I would not be attracted to a man. I have found that I am often attracted to more androgynous people, however–but hit that same aversion point if anything subconsciously screams “man” about them. Also, I find the penis pretty much universally unattractive, to the point that they would kill the porn experience. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/11 "2022-05-10T22:43:26Z")
I have seen men where I say to myself, “I am sure a lot of women find him very attractive.” But I’m 0 on the Kinsey Scale, and have never felt even the slightest sexual attraction toward a male. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/12 "2022-05-10T22:57:42Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I have found that I am often attracted to more androgynous people, however Yes, while i consider myself heterosexual, I’m mostly attracted to somewhat androgynous people. The women I’ve been attracted to are all fairly masculine. Maybe not in appearance, but in personality. I suspect I’m in a minority, but I am certainly attracted by gender at least as much as body. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/13 "2022-05-10T23:05:11Z")
I’m capable of finding the male body sexually attractive, but I don’t think it would be a good idea to pursue that, not good for me and not good for the other male. I have a bad sexual history with people of my own sex, and also an unhealthy degree of antipathy towards males in general, too much investment in a sense of myself as different from them — which I know about (obviously) but that doesn’t mean knowing it intellectually makes it go away. I think I would be unfair, distrustful, hostile, neurotic about it all, and very poor company overall. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/14 "2022-05-11T00:20:28Z")
> [@ekedolphin](#): > > Okay, like I said, though I’m not oblivious to what an attractive male _looks_ like, I’ve practically never been attracted to one myself Yup. While there are definitely women I find very beautiful, I look at them and think “wow, I wish I was _more like_ her” not “wow, I wish I could _be with_ her.” ---
**Author:** ![Tride](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tride/32/13907_2.png) [@Tride](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tride)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/15 "2022-05-11T01:22:30Z")
There was one guy in college I found very attractive. I recently (54yo) had a completely homoerotic dream. Our last landlords were very gay, and I said to my wife, “well, that would make morning wood a non-issue!” That said, I’m pretty straight. Fun story–hung out with a college roommate a few years ago whose daughter had just brought home a girlfriend. “So, you’re gay?” "_MOM_, it’s all about the _person_!. Things change. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/16 "2022-05-11T01:46:36Z")
There appear to be three separate questions here: - could you _be attracted_ to someone of another gender than your usual - could you _have sex_ with someone of another gender than your usual - could you _settle down_ with someone of another gender than your usual. The first question is perhaps the lowest bar–it’s not unusual to have a fleeting hormonal rush over someone you’d never date–but it’s perhaps also the most strongly associated with your actual sexual orientation. You might be able to get into a sex scene, even if you’re not attracted to at least one other person involved, if there’s something to it that fits your kink, for example. And a relationship with someone you’re not attracted to but care for, might not be that different from a relationship with someone who’s your physical ideal, if you’re minimally sexual to begin with. I can imagine a lot of things that aren’t really possible. I can imagine having a variety of supernatural powers. I can imagine having Jeff Bezos-level wealth. I can imagine myself arguing before the Supreme Court, and winning. So yeah, in that sense, I can _imagine_ being attracted to a woman. But at 38, that’s only slightly more likely to happen for the first time than any of those other things. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/17 "2022-05-11T05:40:32Z")
The closest I’ve come to being attracted to a man was when I was a kid and I thought the guy singing “Hot Child in The City” on the radio was a lady with a sexy voice. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/18 "2022-05-11T06:12:22Z")
As a Kinsey 6.0 male, I have never been sexually attracted to a female. Oh sure, I can recognize a hot woman when I see one, but my emotional response is more esthetic than sexual. And she has to have exactly the same attributes that I respond to in a hot man (this has nothing to do with masculinity/femininity). My husband is a pansexual Kinsey 3.0, and has told me that he’d feel exactly the same toward me if I were female. I’ve told him that if he were female, we could be best friends or roommates, nothing more. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/19 "2022-05-11T09:11:42Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I’m an extremely hard-wired cis hetero guy. > > I’m open-minded, but my body and my emotions just aren’t… Same. I have had celeb crushes on men but they have been “I think this person is extremely talented and fun and would be neat to hang out with”, never “This person arouses me sexually”. I could platonically [sic] love another man but at no point in my life have I ever been remotely tempted by a man in a carnal sense. ---
**Author:** ![TXRebel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6de8d8/32.png) [@TXRebel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TXRebel)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258/20 "2022-05-11T20:07:01Z")
I can fully see myself with my best friend if I was not married to my husband. She’s been in my life waaay longer than any husband. We’ve enjoyed a sexual relationship in our younger days. We are both elderly now and I doubt if the sexual component would be as strong but I doubt it would be non-existent. I consider myself bi-sexual even though most of my choices have been male. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-polls-only-no-discussion-i-would-like-to-discuss-being-attracted-to-a-person-of-another-gender-than-usual-if-you-met-the-right-person/964258.md?page=2)