# From Turkey To Tree
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 2, 2002, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940 "2002-12-02T11:40:22Z")
**Posts on this page:** 16
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/1 "2002-12-02T11:40:22Z")
Thursday last (of course) (duh) was out traditional Tribute to Gluttony and Sloth. It was my personal 35th one, but I hear the tradition goes way back farther. To the 40’s or something. To spice things up we also had a side of Avarice.
See, my family gets a “Secret Santa” among the sibs and we buy that person a gift. Thanksgiving is the traditional day for wish lists. It’s the last time we’re all going to be together before Christmas, so if your list isn’t in by then, who knows what you’ll get. And the way we are about these things, who knows what you’ll get even with a list. Since the spending limit is about thirty smackoleans, you probably not going to get a regulation sized slate pool table. But you never know.
I feel badly for those people in Heathen Countries that aren’t properly Thankful on the third Thursday in November. First, when would they know to cook a big ol’ turkey for dinner and a week’s worth of sammiches for lunch? And secondly, how do they know when it’s time to put the Christmas tree up?
We, like all right-thinking people already have ours up. The day after Thanksgiving is Tree Day.
So Mama in he kerchief and I in my leopard print loincloth (Soupo was dressed as a tin soldier and Katcha has an angel costume which, frankly, looks like a pillowcase with a rope belt since the halo got lost and the wings fell apart) put _Forbidden Planet_ on the VCR and cracked open a bottle of Thunderbird (You know it good, it has a screw top!) and popped open a can of fancy cashews and let the Holiday Joy commence!
Once we got the tree unboxed and all the parts separated, the fun really started.
“I don’t think the tree is straight.”
“Well, it looks straight to me.”
“But you’re on the floor holding it up.”
“It still looks straight to me.”
“Don’t take that tone with me!”
“Tone? What tone?”
_CRASH!_ “Oops!”
And before you know it, the cops show up on a Domestic Disturbance call.
“Hey! Why is this kid in a pillow case tied off with rope?”
“Mind yer own business!”
“And why are these kids drunk?”
“I said mind yer own business! Now just shut up an’ go 'way!”
That’s when the dogs come out from hiding under the bed and start mauling the police. Just around the ankles, they’re little dogs. And their teeth aren’t all that big, so really just a couple of socks get damp.
There’s a little mace, and the tree gets knocked over again.
“Those were heirloom glass balls! We’ve had then for YEARS!”
And then Katcha wakes up and he’s all surly with his cute little hangover.
Ah! It’s the traditions that make the Holidays a very special time.
-Rue.
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### Author:  [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/2 "2002-12-02T11:59:05Z")
You really should try bran muffins. 😃
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/3 "2002-12-02T12:06:12Z")
Ah, **Rue** darlin’, ya know I luvs ya more than my luggage, but I must pick a nit here - it’s the _fourth_ Thursday in November. You’re welcome. You my repay me by sending me a photo of you in that loincloth - I find them to be artistic. No, seriously!
We rolled back into town last night, having left the leftovers in the Baltimore area with Mom and the Sibs. (_Band name!!_) We’ll probably dig the tree and stuff out later this week. Sadly, my Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] outgrew her pillowcase years ago, so she’ll probably just wear those ratty flannel pajama bottoms and a rattier sweatshirt. The dog will try to eat the ornaments, who knows what my crawl out of the boxes of decorations - this is Florida after all, and bugs abound!!
Then there’s the baking. Flour thither and yon! Sprinkles all over the floor. Sticky countertops. Mysterious items that will migrate tot he back of the fridge to be discovered in July. Ho ho ho.
Thanks for dredging that up. I owe ya!
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### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/4 "2002-12-02T15:13:46Z")
**[sub]humph! puttin’ up the tree so early[/sub]**
Everybody knows the tree goes up Christmas Eve and stays up until Epiphany, you know, the **real** Twelve Days of Christmas? And you people wonder why you never get any ladies dancing, lords a’ leapin’, swans a’ swimming, golden rings or partridges in pear trees. You do it right and look at all the loot that’ll show up. Ok all the leaping, dancing, piping and drumming get on the nerves, but you can hock all those gold rings for a lot of loot and all the birds make good eatin’.
Oh, and **Rue** glad to hear yer teaching Soupo and Katcha about fine wines early on. That way they’ll grow up all sophisticated and worldly and impress their friends in middle school and such.
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### Author:  [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/5 "2002-12-02T15:13:47Z")
Now **Peanuthead** , I like muffins as much as the next guy. Maybe more, depending on who the next guy is. But bran muffins? Ick.
And muffins (bran or no) just aren’t as festive hanging from a Christmas tree as you’d figure.
Oh yeah **Snickers**. Throw _facts_in my face! Sheesh!
But heeeeeey… as long as we’re swapping pix, how’s about one of those pajama bottoms and sweatshirt. Oh wait! That’s the **Perfect _Child_™**. Ew, never mind. But a shot of you all befloured in an apron… well now… We’ll talk.
-Rue.
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### Author:  [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/6 "2002-12-02T15:46:20Z")
Thunderbird!
_That’s_ what I’ve been doing wrong all these years. No Thunderbird.
Thanks, **Rue.**
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/7 "2002-12-02T15:50:33Z")
Befloured in an apron… _just_ an apron? hmmmm, that better be one fine-looking loincloth if you’re expecting Dirty June Cleaver.
**swampbear** , the maids a’milking aren’t half as annoying as their cows fertilizing your front lawn… :eek:
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### Author:  [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/8 "2002-12-02T21:02:12Z")
Well **Swampy** , if you had REAL Christmas spirit your tree would be up and STAY UP til Epiphany, Mr. Smarty-bear.
And I have all kinds of tips to make the Holidays brighter **Ex**. Mostly involving Thunderbird.
Fine looking loincloth, **Snickers**? Oh yeah bay-bee!
-Rue.
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### Author:  [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)
#### Post date: [December 2, 2002, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/9 "2002-12-02T23:12:49Z")
Hey, **swampbear** , who says Advent isn’t a part of Christmas? The tree can (indeed, should) go up before Christmas Eve, says I. Like there isn’t enough other stuff to do on Christmas Eve! When do you find time to bake cookies for Santa?
(I’m with you, **Rue** – but an artificial tree? Ew!) 😛
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### Author:  [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2002, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/10 "2002-12-03T00:48:22Z")
the tree is carefully taken out of the box and plugged in (jackson and perkins) on beethoven’s birthday. all decorating is done on beethoven’s birthday. all beethoven music is played while the activities are done on beethoven’s birthday. hhhhhmmm, i think there is a trend.
stockings are filled on st. nick’s day (dec. 19th) and the tree stays up to epiphany (jan. 19th). yep, being orthodox gives you 13 extra shopping days!
the tree has to be in a pot or artificial to last ‘till the 19th. when i was a wee chair, we had a silver tree. the branches were heavy wire with silver tinsel trapped in the twists. it was about 4’ high. we got a green artificial when i was 14ish. now we do the potted tree and try not to kill it after christmas.
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### Author:  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2002, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/11 "2002-12-03T03:51:45Z")
I thought Sankt Niklaustag was 6 Dezember. Oh well.
Hey **Rue** , (since you mentioned your dogs this is only a minimal hijack) we spent Thanksgiving morning watching the Westminister show. My kids loved it. We also had borrowed and watched Best in Show a month or so ago. I think you recommended it but didn’t mention that there might be, um, things I’d have to explain to my small children. I’d forgotten to thank you for that. Thanks. (Notice the nice elliptical tie in back to Thanksgiving.)
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### Author:  [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2002, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/12 "2002-12-03T12:16:46Z")
You’re so welcome **Shibb**. Anything to get families together and talking… well, how can that be bad?
(And around here St. Nick shows up on the 6th. That’s this Friday if your playing the home game. I think belovéd **rocking chair** lives close to a black hole or something and it warps her calendar. Or maybe it was too near a kettle. Steam will warp a calendar too.)
I was going to send you a Betthoven’s Borthday Card **chair** , but my card shop didn’t have any the last time I looked. (Ha! Now she’ll think I was going to do something nice. But did you see how I weaseled in “the last time I looked”? Well, I never looked! Jokes on her! Ha ha! Oh, **rock’** don’t read this last part. OK? I figure with your black hole situation, you can go back and un-read it if you accidentally did.)
Yeah **stargazer** , an artificial. Whatcha gonna do about it huh? Like I should chop down a nice tree and let it die in my living room just to stick loot under it? Well, I can see who’s Mr. Environment now! Yes I can! (If I could only make the house smell right it would be a perfect plan. The open bottle of Pine-Sol just isn’t cutting it.)
-Rue. (who’s just too lazy to deal with a real tree- ya gotta water them and stuff)
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### Author:  [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2002, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/13 "2002-12-03T23:20:57Z")
yeah, shibboleth, st nick’s is dec 6th in parts of the world that don’t call him nikolai. most slavic churches that are orthodox are on the julian calendar, 13 days behind the gregorian. so, dec 6th becomes dec. 19th, etc. gives you a bit more time to find that perfect present!
hey rue, your card store doesn’t stock cards from that wonderful comic strip “peanuts?”
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### Author:  [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)
#### Post date: [December 3, 2002, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/14 "2002-12-03T23:52:32Z")
Well, _you_ don’t have to cut it down, if you don’t want to. My local supermarkets have suddenly sprung pre-cut forests in their parking lots, so I wouldn’t even have to journey 5 minutes from my 'partment.
(‘Course, I _did_ journey more than 5 minutes from my apartment. It’s the in-laws’ fault, though, 'cause they raised Mr. Gazer to go an hour-and-a-half up north to cut his own tree.) :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)
#### Post date: [December 4, 2002, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/15 "2002-12-04T00:12:29Z")
I don’t get it **chair** … you want a card with _legumes_on it to celebrate a famous composer… I’ll have to think about this for a while… (Remind me when you get to today, will you?)
Ha! Never get a late fee on your videos or bills again! “I’m sorry, I use the Orthodox Calendar.” Usefull in so many circumstances.
OK, I’ll 'fess up **stargazer**. I have an artificial because I’m too lazy to go all the way down the block and buy a real tree and schlepp it back home and then put it up and keep it watered so there’s not an unfortunate accident and the whole Casa del DeDay burns to the ground.
And have you ever petted a dog after you put up a real tree? With all the pine sap, people will accuse you of “personal abuse”. It’s enough to turn you off the Holidays. Even with copious Thunderbird.
-Rue. (not too sure himself)
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### Author:  [@paperbackwriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paperbackwriter)
#### Post date: [December 4, 2002, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/from-turkey-to-tree/139940/16 "2002-12-04T02:22:04Z")
Hey **Rue** , I have two words for you: [Yankee Candle](http://www.yankeecandle.com/cgi-bin/ycbvp/product_detail.jsp?category=%2fCandles%2fHousewarmers%26reg%3b%2fClassics%2fChristmas%26nbsp%3bWreath%26reg%3b&oid=13128). Saves on the Pine Sol and smells better. Even better, you can do all sorts of tricks for the kids with these if you substitute Everclear for the Thunderbird!