# Frumpy girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 23, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057 "2011-07-23T02:37:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/201 "2011-07-30T22:18:02Z")
Some of my girlfriends are t-shirts and sweats kind of women. Some never make an appearance, even on the tennis court, without doing their hair and makeup. Honestly, I can say that both seem to have an equal share of great, good, and crappy marriages. The key, of course, is to find someone compatible. If you want someone who dresses up, then you should pursue that type of person. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/202 "2011-08-08T02:24:58Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I agree with this. Personally, I purposefully choose the most raggedy clothes to wear when I get home because I gives me freedom to paint and get dirty doing whatever without ruining nicer clothes. If someone were to judge me as a slob based on this, I’d feel like, “Yeah, I might not be a fashion plate, but at least I’m getting shit done.” My priorities are less on what I look like and more on being productive and staying active. I’ve found the two don’t often go hand-in-hand. > > I catch hell at work from the secretary because I don’t dress “feminine” enough. I wear Tevas instead of painful heels or those slipper-like shoes that are purely cosmetic. I have no problem throwing a sweater over a dress if I’m freakin’ cold, and I don’t spend hours picking every bit of lint off of my wool pants. Every time this secretary sees me, she goes, “Oh lord!” and rolls her eyes. I laugh along with it, but secretly I wish she’d shut the fuck up. My priorities are different than hers. Not worse, not stranger, just different… Hey, just to point out that there are plenty of guys that think functional, “raggedy” clothes are sexy. There’s something very attractive about someone who’s “getting shit done” vs someone who’s worrying about their looks. I’d love to have someone who can run down to the pub for a pint without making everyone wait half an hour while they do makeup and find the perfect outfit. And shoes you can run in are sexier than heels. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/203 "2011-08-08T04:22:23Z")
> [@ImNotPaulAvery](#): > > This is about what she is doing for me vs what I’m doing for her. There is the bell ringer for me. Your concern is not for the person, it’s about the arm candy. All the long frank conversations in the world are not going to help her feel like she wants to look good, and can look good if it’s all about you. They might make her feel like your beauty contest is not for her. Tris ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/204 "2011-08-08T07:07:05Z")
> [@Triskadecamus](#): > > There is the bell ringer for me. Your concern is not for the person, it’s about the arm candy. > > All the long frank conversations in the world are not going to help her feel like she wants to look good, and can look good if it’s all about you. They might make her feel like your beauty contest is not for her. > > Tris I’m not sure if that was taken out of context, but I think the OP was referring to the effort he puts into his own appearance and upkeep compared to the effort she puts into hers. I don’t think that’s all about the arm candy, so much as it’s wanting his partner to be sort of equal, looks-wise. At one point in my relationship with my husband, he was going through a lot of shit and had gained almost 75 pounds. Did I still love him? Of course. Was I going to leave him over it? No. Did our sex life decline? Yes, unfortunately. I don’t think me not feeling as much attraction to him when he was letting himself go and becoming a bit of a slob was terrible or superficial. It’s just something that happens when your partner can’t be bothered to do the basics. Now, I never rode his ass or tried to make him feel bad about it, nor did I put pressure on him to lose the weight and shave and wear clean clothes. But I’d be lying if I said it that I wasn’t happy when he finally got past his slump and started getting back to his old self, looks, and otherwise. He’s been patient through different kind of slumps of mine, so it’s all good. However, we are married and the OP is not, so he’s probably better off cutting his losses than trying to get this woman to change (which never works). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057.md?page=10)