# Frumpy girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 23, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057 "2011-07-23T02:37:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ImNotPaulAvery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@ImNotPaulAvery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ImNotPaulAvery)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/21 "2011-07-23T03:25:02Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > I think you’re coming around to think about what it’ll be like to spend the next several decades living with this girl. If this is how you’re feeling now, and she wants to get married, you’d better move out ASAP and don’t string her along. All the same, don’t humiliate her either. > > There may well be a guy out there who gets her to feel good about herself and wanting to dress up, but apparently it’s not you. At least not in your current situation. I love her and respect her too much to humiliate her. This thread isn’t a good example of that, I know. Just my unfiltered feelings right now. I thought I made her feel good about herself. Or used to. Maybe I’m dragging her down. I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/22 "2011-07-23T03:26:52Z")
It’s OBVIOUS you two have some issues to resolve, and it’s good you came here rather than simply TROLL around aimlessly looking for advice. You’ve come to the right place for earnest recommendations, that much IS OBVIOUS. ---
**Author:** ![ImNotPaulAvery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@ImNotPaulAvery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ImNotPaulAvery)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/23 "2011-07-23T03:32:25Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It’s OBVIOUS you two have some issues to resolve, and it’s good you came here rather than simply TROLL around aimlessly looking for advice. You’ve come to the right place for earnest recommendations, that much IS OBVIOUS. Nope just having a crappy night laying here on the bed reading the boards on my phone. Just felt like venting somehow. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/24 "2011-07-23T03:43:44Z")
What do you say and how do you act when she DOES dress up and put on makeup and stuff? Do you say and do things that let her know how sexy and irresistible you find her? If there’s no “payoff” often girls don’t think it is making a difference to their men. Also, do you have any friends who are girls whose help you might enlist? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/25 "2011-07-23T03:45:35Z")
It’s not like the OP is any great prize, not being Paul Avery and such. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/26 "2011-07-23T03:58:45Z")
Just search the SDMB for anyone complaining about high maintenance girlfriends and recommend they date her. But seriously, unless you suspect she is depressed (which is a real possibility, especially if this is a change in her behavior), break up. Unless she’s blind and deaf, she may have gotten one or two messages about how important it is for women to be attractive, so I’m not sure how well some helpful hints would go down. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/27 "2011-07-23T03:59:22Z")
As a great man once said: “Sometimes, there just isn’t a love connection”. Listen to the wisdom of Mr. Chuck Woolery and end it. Sometimes it just takes longer to realize the love connection isn’t there. You are wasting time that could be spent finding someone that is that love connection. And breaking up with someone because there is something you don’t like about them that you wouldn’t be able to change isn’t be a dick. Being a dick would be stringing that person along and hoping things would change until the eventual crash and ugly burn. That would be being a dick to you AND her. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/28 "2011-07-23T04:10:37Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > Do her a favor and break up with her. That. **ImNotPaulAvery** , you are a shallow asswipe. She, well, I don’t need to know anything about her because, re: the above, she’s too good for you. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/29 "2011-07-23T04:20:56Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It’s OBVIOUS you two have some issues to resolve, and it’s good you came here rather than simply TROLL around aimlessly looking for advice. You’ve come to the right place for earnest recommendations, that much IS OBVIOUS. Brilliant analysis. Simply brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/30 "2011-07-23T04:21:16Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It’s OBVIOUS you two have some issues to resolve, and it’s good you came here rather than simply TROLL around aimlessly looking for advice. You’ve come to the right place for earnest recommendations, that much IS OBVIOUS. Couldn’t have expressed it any better. ---
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/31 "2011-07-23T04:29:48Z")
There are something like 7 billion people in the world. If you are looking for the 1 in a million that is right for you that is over 7,000 people out there that are what you are looking for. She isn’t one of them. ---
**Author:** ![ImNotPaulAvery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@ImNotPaulAvery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ImNotPaulAvery)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/32 "2011-07-23T04:47:14Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > That. **ImNotPaulAvery** , you are a shallow asswipe. She, well, I don’t need to know anything about her because, re: the above, she’s too good for you. See I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I say anything I’m a disgusting pig but if I don’t then I just get to put up with it. There’s a line there somewhere. If your SO never clipped their toenails or brushed their teeth you’d be pissed right? This isn’t about objectifying women, because I’m not like that. This is about what she is doing for me vs what I’m doing for her. I dress nice, shower regularly, get haircuts every two weeks. I try to be attractive to her. I work hard, cook dinner most nights, try to get ahead in this world. I TRY. I just don’t understand why my girlfriend doesn’t want to do the same. I just want her to try to bring some sex appeal to our relationship. Wear a nice shirt. Fix her hair. Not every day, but every now and then would be nice. Guys like girly girls, you know? I’ve tried to make it clear but she doesnt seem to get it. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/33 "2011-07-23T04:58:37Z")
> [@ImNotPaulAvery](#): > > See I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I say anything I’m a disgusting pig but if I don’t then I just get to put up with it. > > There’s a line there somewhere. If your SO never clipped their toenails or brushed their teeth you’d be pissed right? This isn’t about objectifying women, because I’m not like that. This is about what she is doing for me vs what I’m doing for her. > > I dress nice, shower regularly, get haircuts every two weeks. I try to be attractive to her. I work hard, cook dinner most nights, try to get ahead in this world. I TRY. I just don’t understand why my girlfriend doesn’t want to do the same. I just want her to try to bring some sex appeal to our relationship. Wear a nice shirt. Fix her hair. Not every day, but every now and then would be nice. Guys like girly girls, you know? I’ve tried to make it clear but she doesnt seem to get it. What do you do and say specifically that you think is “making it clear”? Not that you aren’t, but your version of “making it clear” may not be the same as what a woman would consider “making it clear”. (personally, I think this is more of an IMHO, than a rant). ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/34 "2011-07-23T05:01:56Z")
If it were a gal complaining about her boyfriend never wearing decent clean clothes when they go out, not taking care of his hair or skin or cutting his toenails . . . well, the double standard around here is well known. The advice would be the same (break up – that’s the default position anyway) but with fewer “insensitive asswipes” thrown in, except perhaps at the boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/35 "2011-07-23T05:09:32Z")
> [@ImNotPaulAvery](#): > > Guys like girly girls, you know? I’ve tried to make it clear but she doesnt seem to get it. So dump her, ferchrissake. It’s nothing like rocket science. She doesn’t appeal to you. You make a graceful exit. DUH! Of course, my exits were less than graceful and involved just not calling, but that works, too. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/36 "2011-07-23T06:06:50Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > So dump her, ferchrissake. It’s nothing like rocket science. She doesn’t appeal to you. You make a graceful exit. DUH! > > Of course, my exits were less than graceful and involved just not calling, but that works, too. Make a new plan, Stan. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/37 "2011-07-23T06:20:12Z")
Aww. Thanks for that! No need to be coy, Roy. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/38 "2011-07-23T06:28:42Z")
Just hop on the bus, Gus. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/39 "2011-07-23T06:31:01Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > That. **ImNotPaulAvery** , you are a shallow asswipe. She, well, I don’t need to know anything about her because, re: the above, she’s too good for you. Yes, because you’re only a good person if you stick with someone you’re no longer attracted to. If you were with someone who didn’t find you physically appealing would you want them to stay with you anyway? We’re not talking about someone who has been with a spouse for 30 years, we’re talking two youngish people who are simply dating. If she isn’t going to take care of herself and be hygienic now I can’t imagine what she’d let herself get to if he married her and it was ten years later ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/40 "2011-07-23T06:34:05Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It’s OBVIOUS you two have some issues to resolve, and it’s good you came here rather than simply TROLL around aimlessly looking for advice. You’ve come to the right place for earnest recommendations, that much IS OBVIOUS. I like your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057.md?page=3)