# Frumpy girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 23, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057 "2011-07-23T02:37:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/81 "2011-07-24T20:55:27Z")
You’re lucky to find me with anything but comfy clothes, with little makeup and my hair pulled back in a pony tail, outside of work and social occasions. I suppose you could fairly call it frumpy. I wouldn’t have married a guy who thought that was a problem. If it bothers you now, it’s not going to get better. Consider where that leaves you. ---
**Author:** ![Clumsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Clumsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clumsy)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/82 "2011-07-24T23:19:27Z")
I wear make up every day, and even when on downtime, I try and look smart. However, I have not had a serious boyfriend in… umm… a long, long time. Miss Frump, on the other hand, has something that attracted you in the first place, that made you want to stay with her, and move in with her, even. Beauty fades, dumb is forever, as they say. I understand your concerns, but would think hard before you throw away such a “connection”, as you call it. Yes, physicality does matter, course it does, But personally, I think that finding a brain you want to shag is so much more exciting then just a body. ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/83 "2011-07-24T23:54:00Z")
> [@ImNotPaulAvery](#): > > She just doesn’t want to put forth the _effort_. If we’re not out somewhere then she is sitting on the couch in sweats and an old crappy T shirt. There’s been times I’ve come up with places to go just to get her to clean up a little bit. But her natural inertia is towards the damn couch. It wears me out. When I’m home, I walk around in t-shirts and sweats or boxers, and yes, my boyfriend lives with me. I don’t have particularly bad skin, but am I supposed to wear lingerie and makeup when I’m just doing nothing at home? I usually don’t even wear makeup when I go out, and he thinks I’m gorgeous. Why is it so terrible for a girl not to be dolled up every minute, just so she can impress her boyfriend? ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/84 "2011-07-25T00:01:18Z")
Is this an American thing? The idea that it takes “effort” to have a little pride in your appearance? How much effort does it take to throw on jeans and a t-shirt, wash your face and show a little vitality. People say maybe she just doesnt care enough about the OP to bother putting in the “effort”, but what has the OP got to do with anything? Unless she is just a lazy fat slob she should be doing it for herself. It doesnt take effort to get up from the bloody couch and take an interest in things, most people do it naturally. You people talking about make-up and shite like that are missing the point. I dont think the OP wants his girlfriend to put on her gladrags every night, or become all things to all men. The most telling point from the OP is the fact that he had to constantly suggest ways to get her fat ass of the sofa. He probably just wants her to show a little life, take a little interest in herself, in him, in the outside, in fact in anything except slobbing in front of the telly. The OP describes a few girls I know since university ten years ago. They were lazy then and they are lazy now, and yes they are still stuck in front of the tv every night. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/85 "2011-07-25T00:15:44Z")
> [@ImNotPaulAvery](#): > > Tonight she leaned to kiss me and I kind of pushed her away after a second. I just couldn’t do it. “You don’t love me anymore?” she asked. Forget the rest of the OP: I want to know what happened after this… Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/86 "2011-07-25T00:23:33Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > It’s not like the OP is any great prize, not being Paul Avery and such. Definitely. I knew Paul Avery, and worked with Paul Avery. Paul Avery was a personal friend of mine, and **ImNotPaulAvery** is no Paul Avery. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/87 "2011-07-25T00:25:44Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Is this an American thing? The idea that it takes “effort” to have a little pride in your appearance? How much effort does it take to throw on jeans and a t-shirt, wash your face and show a little vitality. People say maybe she just doesnt care enough about the OP to bother putting in the “effort”, but what has the OP got to do with anything? Unless she is just a lazy fat slob she should be doing it for herself. It doesnt take effort to get up from the bloody couch and take an interest in things, most people do it naturally. You don’t work an American work schedule, or drive an American commute, do you? When we get home, that’s it for the day for most of us who still have a job at any rate. Anything other than laying on the couch is an effort, hell yeah. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/88 "2011-07-25T00:46:34Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > You don’t work an American work schedule, or drive an American commute, do you? Golly, you are right. All we do over here is a few hours in the morning so we can catch up on the work gossip, then we leave early so we can get a few pints, leaving the evening free for fun and frolicking. American work schedule? What a fucking idiot. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/89 "2011-07-25T00:47:39Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > You don’t work an American work schedule, or drive an American commute, do you? When we get home, that’s it for the day for most of us who still have a job at any rate. Anything other than laying on the couch is an effort, hell yeah. I’m American and partake in these traditional, American pastimes :p. Look, it’s real easy to fall into the slump of wearing your ripped up, raggedy sweats, baggy shirts, and throwing your hair into a greasy bun each day. Why? Because I like to sleep, goddamnit. It’s a slippery slope, too: first you say you only wear that around the house, but then you need to run to the ATM- and before you know it? You’re at lunch with your friends on Sunday afternoon dressed like a hobo. Plus, the more you slum around, the harder getting put together is going to seem. I speak from experience here. In fact, I’ve recently started making a conscious effort to put myself together a little bit more on the day to day. Why? I’m single and will be forever alone if I only go out in my frumpy clothes, looking like a greased up weasel. As someone else said though: it’s not so hard to go buy some fitted yoga pants and tops to wear on the weekends. I mean, yeah, they’re still sweats, but there’s a little more. . . well, you’re more put together. Is it _that much_ harder to brush through your hair and put it in a cute pony tail than to slick it back in a tiny, gross bun? Not really. On and on. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/90 "2011-07-25T01:01:39Z")
Spray her with a topical solution before you have sex, and all will be good. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/91 "2011-07-25T01:15:21Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Golly, you are right. All we do over here is a few hours in the morning so we can catch up on the work gossip, then we leave early so we can get a few pints, leaving the evening free for fun and frolicking. Add in several weeks of vacation in Spain every summer and the option to quit and go backpacking in Asia whenever you feel like it (never worrying about whether you’d be eligible for the dole when you come back), and yeah, that’s probably the impression Americans have. (note: I’m being sarcastic toward my fellow Americans) ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/92 "2011-07-25T01:19:34Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > American work schedule? What a fucking idiot. [Please note attached chart.](http://livingingreece.gr/2007/08/14/eu-vs-usa-labor-issues/) An average American works five and a half hours more per week than an average EU member. And our work weeks are getting longer. Vacations? Two weeks if we’re lucky. Know what you’re talking about before you start tossing words like idiot around. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/93 "2011-07-25T01:28:31Z")
**Cats** also mentioned commutes. What’s the average commute time where you’re at? ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/94 "2011-07-25T01:46:54Z")
Having trouble finding usa vs europe comparisons on commutes but [Americans commute more than vacation.](http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/censusandstatistics/a/commutetimes.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/95 "2011-07-25T02:04:37Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > You don’t work an American work schedule, or drive an American commute, do you? When we get home, that’s it for the day for most of us who still have a job at any rate. Anything other than laying on the couch is an effort, hell yeah. Please tell me you are joking ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/96 "2011-07-25T02:26:26Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Please tell me you are joking And please tell me you don’t have kids! ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/97 "2011-07-25T02:46:44Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > And please tell me you don’t have kids! No, I don’t have kids. And when I had a job, I was grateful for that. I didn’t say all I did was lay on the couch. I’m saying I can see how all the little extras (nice clothes, makeup etc.) could seem like an effort. When I worked, I had a two hour daily commute with a nine hour a day job. As for working hours Europe vs America, well, the stats speak for themselves. I don’t see why Europeans should get upset about what I posted. They’re always saying that their more cultured lifestyle where they get more time off is better than ours where we slave away all day and have to pay for our own healthcare too. Some of them can probably come up with some studies that say Europeans are more productive than Americans. But make no mistake. We work longer. And with all these layoffs and (I think) more job losses to come, folks with jobs _will_ be working longer to take up the slack, for no comparable increase in wages. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/98 "2011-07-25T03:09:53Z")
I think even long-term couples should make the effort to look nice for each other. That doesn’t mean prancing around in full make up and lacy lingerie every weekend. We have our lazy days, but even on those days I shower and put on clothes that are clean and neat and not the ones I slept in. As an aside, Seoulites work more hours than Americans and they put a lot of effort into looking presentable no matter where they are. I can’t tell you the shock I got the first time I went to a big supermarket in the US. (Of course, one might say that Koreans go to the other extreme when it comes to appearances.) ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/99 "2011-07-25T03:28:32Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Is this an American thing? The idea that it takes “effort” to have a little pride in your appearance? How much effort does it take to throw on jeans and a t-shirt, wash your face and show a little vitality. Well… you could do what we do at my household, especially during this heatwaves… Wash face, groom hair, and just dispense entirely with the clothes. Ah, nudity! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057/100 "2011-07-25T05:19:02Z")
I usually wear sweat pants or pj bottoms around the house, but they’re not ones I sleep in. (Yes, seriously – I have pjs bottoms that are specifically NOT for sleeping in!) So I’ll put those on, with a nice, clean top, brush my hair, wash my face, etc. (Right now I have it all twisted up because it’s so freaking HOT that I can’t stand it touching my neck!) I never wear anything stained or ripped, unless I’m doing something that requires scrubbing or painting or anything like that. Probably the only thing that looks really old are my slippers. I NEVER leave the house without make-up. I don’t wear it around the house, but leave the house without it? Almost never. If that makes me a snob, so be it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frumpy-girlfriend/590057.md?page=6)