# Fuck cacti! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 23, 2012, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107 "2012-07-23T03:30:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/1 "2012-07-23T03:30:07Z")
Today when I was doing yardwork I bumped my head on a cactus. This particular cactus is studded with tiny, hair thin spines which promptly lodged themselves into the back of my head. So instead of having a nice relaxing sunday drinking beer and watching tv, I was sitting in a chair while my wife was fishing out the spines with a pair of tweezers :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/2 "2012-07-23T03:48:17Z")
Fucking cacti sounds like the worst idea I’ve heard all year. Aside from allowing one to\* fuck you,\* which sounds like what you did. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/3 "2012-07-23T03:53:37Z")
Just don’t go to the desert at night and think they are people wanting to hug you. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/4 "2012-07-23T03:56:55Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Fucking cacti sounds like the worst idea I’ve heard all year. I Let’s go to the quarry and throw stuff down there’ed. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/5 "2012-07-23T03:58:37Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > I Let’s go to the quarry and throw stuff down there’ed. 😛 Oh dear God, I thought this was over! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/6 "2012-07-23T06:25:53Z")
Pass. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/7 "2012-07-23T06:46:23Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > Oh dear God, I thought this was over! Kind of like when you’re doing yardwork and are plagued by gnats. You walk briskly from one end of the garden to the other, and for a moment there’s this brief respite where the air is clear of petty annoyances. Then; gnats. ETA: Cacti. I spent some time studying at the Biosphere2 in Arizona. Lots of east coast kids (Columbia, mainly) seeing the desert for the first time. Fantastic. We fell in love for a semester. Then we all came home eager to run through the forests with our arms outstretched in the lush, gentle greenery. (Things didn’t work out so well for Joe Spivy. They’re still looking for Jeff Hardy.) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/8 "2012-07-23T06:51:30Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Fucking cacti sounds like the worst idea I’ve heard all year. > > Aside from allowing one to\* fuck you,\* which sounds like what you did. All year only? ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/9 "2012-07-23T07:10:06Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > All year only? Plenty of time to come up with worse ideas. The comic is funny because many of us have the [Pain Rating](http://www.xkcd.com/883/)problem. Now pardon me, I have to go prep for a final I have in twenty minutes–it’s for a class I swear I dropped at the beginning of the semes– ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/10 "2012-07-23T13:33:19Z")
**Fuck cacti!** Sure, you think that’s what’s gonna happen but then the night wears on and you end up giving a blow job to some drunken Yucca. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/11 "2012-07-23T14:53:25Z")
I still have a few spines lodged in my scalp somewhere. And the cactus didn’t even bother to call the next morning to see how I was doing! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/12 "2012-07-23T15:12:20Z")
You should’ve at least gotten some pancakes out of the deal. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/13 "2012-07-23T17:43:47Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > I Let’s go to the quarry and throw stuff down there’ed. 😛 Go fuck a cactus. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/14 "2012-07-23T21:37:22Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Go fuck a cactus. +∞. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/15 "2012-07-23T21:51:04Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Go fuck a cactus. :dubious: …But you fuck just _one_ lousy cactus… Which I did, many years ago. I’m not proud of it. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/16 "2012-07-23T22:36:33Z")
Was it a [prickly pear](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opuntia_ficus-indica) aka tuna? I have a bunch of those in my yard, and while the main plant has proper cactus-spines that you don’t want to fall into, but can easily avoid, the fruit has those insidious, invisible, hair-like spines that got you. My wife brought some of the fruit inside last year, and even though I never directly handled it, I was getting those spines in my skin days later. Generally, I like cactuses though. They’re easy to grow and look nice year-round. It’s a shame about the that fruit. This year’s crop is just starting to ripen, and there are hundreds of the damned things … if only we could avoid the acupuncture. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/17 "2012-07-23T22:39:21Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > Just don’t go to the desert at night and think they are people wanting to hug you. [What about hugging them for Earth Day?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj4BApbM6UI) ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/18 "2012-07-24T02:01:08Z")
I used to work in a cactus nursery. Had to be the worst job I ever had. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/19 "2012-07-24T02:15:01Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > I used to work in a cactus nursery. Had to be the worst job I ever had. Pervert. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107/20 "2012-07-24T02:58:48Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > Was it a [prickly pear](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opuntia_ficus-indica) aka tuna? I have a bunch of those in my yard, and while the main plant has proper cactus-spines that you don’t want to fall into, but can easily avoid, the fruit has those insidious, invisible, hair-like spines that got you. My wife brought some of the fruit inside last year, and even though I never directly handled it, I was getting those spines in my skin days later. > > Generally, I like cactuses though. They’re easy to grow and look nice year-round. It’s a shame about the that fruit. This year’s crop is just starting to ripen, and there are hundreds of the damned things … if only we could avoid the acupuncture. I’d never heard 'em called “Tuna” before! Ya learn something new every day! Definite agreement re the aesthetic qualities of cactus. They look a bit alien, but they’re easy to keep and maintain, and in an age when water shortages are more and more prevalent, they’re a wise choice for home gardening. They also help keep the bratty neighbor kids out of your yard. (Carnsarned youngkers! Not like when I was their age! Bring back caning, that’s what I say. Grumph…) Not only do I love “cactus apple” fruit – just straight, or made into a preserve – but the big “beaver tail” leaves (are those leaves, or, like, branches, or what?) are actually pretty decent if you cut 'em up and use them as a thickener. Much like okra: very, very bland, but a darn good excuse to get inventive with sauces and spices! We cut 'em into strips, bread 'em and fry 'em, and use them to in a salsa dip. And, yes, cacti have a kind of “authority” all their own. You do not treat them with callous disrespect! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-cacti/629107.md?page=2)