# Fuck everyone at work's idea of "cyber-friends" and DopeFests **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 26, 2002, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864 "2002-07-26T01:45:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/41 "2002-07-27T02:33:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scotticher \* > \*\*and some are wonderful, some are crazy, some are weird and some are boring or pretentious. \*\* And some are all at once. 🙂 I’ve actually had good experiences telling r/l friends and family about people I’ve met online, even ones I didn’t think would react well. Actually, it turned out well once. I told my grandmother about somebody I had talked to from South Africa, and that got her curious about what e-mail actually was, and after I explained e-mails and instant messaging to her, she got curious enough to get her own e-mail address and IM name. It was kind of cool. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/42 "2002-07-27T05:42:57Z")
I met the man I plan to marry on this board. You can imagine the time I have explaining this to people. My stock response is “So it would’ve been better if we’d met in a bar, dead drunk and planning to fuck and go home?” ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/43 "2002-07-27T16:16:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sinshine \* > \*\*I still don’t know **WeirdDave**. But I don’t have to, so long as Ginger does. But I am happy to be a doper, and prepared to get to know other human being in such a faceless way. \*\* I’ve met WeirdDave, and rest assured, Gingy is in trouble. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/44 "2002-07-27T16:36:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scotticher \* > \*\*My father couldn’t quite “get” it, until I said it was sort of like being “PenPals” with someone. \*\* This is exactly how I explained it to my parents when I first started going to DopeFests. And of course they’ve now met **UncleBeer** several times, so they know at least some people are normal. Uh… wait - bad example. 😃 After my first Dopefest almost two years ago, I told me sister about it, and her reaction to my going to meet a couple dozen people all at once that I’d never met before was “Good for you.” Except for a couple of close friends at work, I never really explained what DopeFests are - they’re just too hard to explain. “I went to a ChiDope this weekend.” “What’s that?” “It’s a group of people from an on-line message board that get together for parties every so often.” “So it’s a chat room.” “No, it’s a message board - have you ever heard of the ‘Straight Dope?’” \ “You know, the Cecil Adams column in the Reader…” “What?” “Never mind…” I would just say “I went to a big party in the city this weekend” for big fests or “I got together with friends Saturday night” for minis. ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/45 "2002-07-29T06:28:05Z")
Well, I’m supposed to have gone to bed long ago, but here I am. **Scotticher** has it right: we are just people, and a pretty good crowd too. I’ve met quite a few people here who’ve made a big difference in my life (she’s one of them!). Most importantly, I wouldn’t have met **Zyada** without this board. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/46 "2002-07-29T06:58:03Z")
[sub]First stab at this got eaten by the hamsters, so sorry to hijack the love-in[/sub] 😉 'Sides, **scott** , the torture and beatings at the hands of deranged strangers (i.e. TorDopers) didn’t last long, did they? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/47 "2002-07-29T07:20:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Debaser \* > > If he wasn’t a doper, are there other boards like this one out there where normal, not-psyco, intelligent, career-oriented people share thoughts and friendships? I always thought this board an anomaly. Or, maybe he was a doper after all. Sure :). It still amuses me slightly how many people I hang out with in “analog life” these days( great term there, **Homebrew** ) that I first met on a _cough_Buffy the Vampire Slayer _cough_ message board. Oddly enough I used to think _that_ community was rather unique ( and back then it probably was more the exception, rather than the rule ). But watching and hearing about other online communities it seems to be increasingly common for online socializing to cross over into RL ( I have a sociologist friend that has written about this a bit 😉 ). Makes sense, really, as these message boards by their very nature tend to select for people of like interests. - Tamerlane ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/48 "2002-07-29T12:00:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*I submit Analog Life \*\* Nonono…it’s **meatspace**. You know…Cyberspace…Meatspace… Alla’ you youngun’s got it easy. At least when you tell people you’re meeting folks from the computer (or the internet, or whatever) they have a VAGUE idea of what you’re talking about… I went to my first “get” in 1988, after being on BBSs for almost three years. At that time, the boards I called let you search users by “calling from”…and you didn’t have people saying “Thrillsville” or “Behind you!” in their information. I found **one person** who was calling boards from my town…and he was a 30-something accountant. Never got in touch with him. I went to this get (we called them “gets”…short for “get-togethers”) and none of my friends had a clue what I meant. “You’re going to drive for an hour…to meet people…you only know from the computer?” “Uh, yeah.” “…???” They had no concept of BBSs. I was the only person I knew with a home computer. I tried to show them and they didn’t understand the appeal at all. “But you have us…people you actually see and hang out with and stuff. Why do you want to talk to people on the computer?” I never had an answer for that. Now, at least, when you say “I met him/her on the Internet” you don’t have to explain what an “internet” **is**. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/49 "2002-07-29T21:29:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rjk \* > \*\ ***Scotticher** has it right: we are just people, and a pretty good crowd too. I’ve met quite a few people here who’ve made a big difference in my life (she’s one of them!). > > Most importantly, I wouldn’t have met **Zyada** without this board. 😃 \*\* Aw, you are SUCH a sweetie! **rjk** is the first Doper I met face-to-face, and he is a good friend. How often do you get to meet someone and interact with them enough to KNOW that you are in good hands driving 80 miles away from your comfort zone when you are a timid person outside of your own circle of life before you ever set eyes on them? I’D certainly never done that before. And I have never EVER been anything but happy that I took that step. The morning of the day that **rjk** was meeting me in Bellingham and I was going to drive him to Seattle for a PNW Dopefest, I had coffee with a close friend. When she asked what I was doing that weekend, and I told her, she said…“Uh, Cheri, do you realize how unLIKE you this is?” And to tell you the truth, I hadn’t realized until she pointed it out to me that…it WAS unlike me! I think the fact that it didn’t occur to me before that time to be nervous about it is a testament to the level of trust I feel for the inability of people on this board to “snow” anyone. Then I had lunch with another close friend, and she asked me what I was doing that weekend, and…same scenario. By that time I was a little peeved about the whole thing, to tell you the truth. But I understood that it is difficult for someone not involved in this message board to understand it. Fortunately, my friends had enough faith in my judgement to believe I wouldn’t do anything anything stupid. So they both told me to have a good time. ( And to remember to keep my cell phone on at all times…they are both on speed dial… but that’s because although they trusted my judgement, they didn’t quite understand and wanted to make sure that I was safe. What can I say, they love me.) It is always asking a lot for someone to understand something they have no knowledge of. And some people are more open-minded about things than others are. I talk about the SDMB with some people, with others I just say I am meeting some friends for dinner or whatever. It is true, and the details of how I met my friends are really none of their business anyway. In concluding this opus, may I say that I also bless this board for bringing two wonderful people like **Zyada** and **rjk** together? As well as my darling **Shayna** and **Spiny Norman** …and some others who I don’t want to out in case they don’t want to be outed. My, I do go on, don’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/50 "2002-07-29T21:41:20Z")
And I am going to go on some more, because I should have said **Una** and **fierra** , **TruePisces** and **Verrain** , **weirddave** and **GingerOfTheNorth** , **Brynda** and **RickQ** and…I suppose I am forgetting someone else, too. Some I am not forgetting but … dingbustit, some of you need to make it more clear that you are a COUPLE! How can I celebrate you if you aren’t clear about it? 😃 Well, I celebrate you anyway. I am so very happy for all of you! ---
**Author:** ![Sinshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Sinshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinshine)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/51 "2002-07-30T00:13:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kwyjibo \* > \*\* > I’ve met WeirdDave, and rest assured, Gingy is in trouble. 😃 \*\* tee hee hee hee and now it’s too late!! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2002, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/52 "2002-07-31T04:15:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Larry Mudd \* > \*\*I was shocked and dismayed at first to learn that **Ginger** ’s friend was someone she had met _in the “real world.”_ After all, I _know_ what those people are like-- I get CNN. But we got through the whole afternoon, and she didn’t shoot anyone, or toss any kittens or barbeques, or anything-- in fact, she seemed reassuringly normal and non-threatening. \*\* That’s only because I gave her the crack before we left and promised more for when we got back to her place. I seem to recall a drooling episode on the water taxi, though. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2002, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/53 "2002-07-31T06:32:48Z")
> [@](#): > > I seem to recall a drooling episode on the water taxi, though. Damn, I was _sure_ that nobody noticed that. :o ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/54 "2002-08-01T01:09:08Z")
My sister read me the riot act after i told her about ChiDope, and she doubted that I would make it back to Indiana. That’s why I needed the pictures that i took. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/55 "2002-08-01T01:29:43Z")
Hm. My mother was very nervous (well, slightly nervous. She’s too cool to do very nervous) about me going to TorDope. She doesn’t, on the other hand, get nervous about me being out until all hours at goth clubs. Or things like my impending marriage to a tall, threatening-looking guy. Okay, so he _is_ tall, and but he can’t do threatening without a big sword, and his cloak on… (SMACK!) No more rambling. I emphasized that TorDope was starting in a _park_, and then moving to a _restaurant_… all good and normal. It really was excessively normal. No cloaks and no swordfighting. Quite strange, actually… ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/56 "2002-08-01T01:31:31Z")
Everyone ignore my last post. I’m tired. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864/57 "2002-08-01T02:14:11Z")
My parents don’t worry because my dad has his own message board. It’s for lawyers and legal professionals, and from what I can tell, pretty similar in content to the SDMB, although the debates are more law-oriented, unsurprisingly. (BTW, if any lawyers are interested in it, email me; my dad is always bemoaning the lack of good new members, because the board is private and invitation-only.) Dad talks about people from his MB at the dinner table, and has met a few in person. I think he was a little disappointed in the staidness of the gatherings, after my descriptions of Dopefests. My mom is kinda internet-phobic, but she’s learned from dad and me that people online are just…people. I don’t live with my parents any more, but I went to plenty of Dopefests when I did - including two I flew to - and they didn’t blink. They didn’t mind that I drove across the country with someone I met online, but truth be told, I think my mom was glad that I he stayed with my family for a week before we departed so she could be certain he wasn’t a psychokiller. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-everyone-at-works-idea-of-cyber-friends-and-dopefests/120864.md?page=2)