# Fuck Golf. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 7, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769 "2005-05-07T01:21:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/21 "2005-05-07T03:45:27Z")
> [@gatopescado](#): > > “back nine” is for the demolition derby portion. I forgot to add this: I used to work on the third floor of a building that overlooked a course and actually got to witness this one late Sunday afternoon. An absolute hoot! Six drunk guys in 3 carts goin’ at it, crashing, rolling and jumping off greens. A truly spectacular sight. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/22 "2005-05-07T03:56:42Z")
Fuck Golf, part II: Fuck golf. Golf is a sport wheras if you don’t do well at it, corporately, you won’t succeed. If your boss invites you to go play golf and you suck, you ain’t getting promoted. Fuck. That. Instead of golf, I can do far more practical things outside of my job; Like shooting things to put meat on the table. Like sewing so I can make quilts for the homeless. Don’t fucking tell me I’m not good at what I do because I can’t put a stupid little dimpled ball in a fucking un-guarded hole. Fuck golf. You want me to spend $150 on golf balls that are _assumed_ to fly twenty yards farther? Maybe I should just save my money, go to a gym, lift 20 lbs. and grow some muscles and a pair of balls in my scrotum. Fuck golf. Your golf carts are fun to ride in, but are completely useless. If you can’t walk the two miles or so, you are weak, and you deserve to be left in the sandtrap, gasping for water and/or help. Save your carts for those who actually need them. Like the elderly. Fuck golf. Tripler If you don’t promote me because I can catch, clean, and cook a trout instead of golf, then take your 6-iron, and shove it up your ass. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/23 "2005-05-07T04:12:11Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > Maybe I should just save my money, go to a gym, lift 20 lbs. and grow…a pair of balls in my scrotum. > . Sigh. The desperate measures we take to avoid the sky-high prices. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/24 "2005-05-07T04:32:02Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > “Golf” is the ony sport you don’t ‘play’, but you do. I’m “going golfing” versus, I’m going to ‘play softball’/‘play roulette’/‘play hockey’. Fuck that. 😕 My law firm had its spring golf outing just two weeks ago. I think pretty much everyone described it as “we’re going to play golf.” No one described it as “going golfing.” I think they would have been laughed at if they did. OTOH, “Fuck Golf” is a common thought of mine, but that’s probably due to the amount of time I spend in the sand, rough and water. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/25 "2005-05-07T04:34:09Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > If you don’t promote me because I can catch, clean, and cook a trout instead of golf, then take your 6-iron, and shove it up your ass. Heh. If there’s a divide of potential civil war in my current place of employ, it’s the golfers vs. the fishermen. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/26 "2005-05-07T04:38:02Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Doc once fuck golf. Neighbor come out house and yell ‘Get away from my Volkswagen.’ This ruin romantic moment between Doc and sexy but affordable piece of German engineering. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/27 "2005-05-07T05:54:26Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > Stupid people love to try and improve their game by throwing money at it. Sounds like the same philosophy liberals use for…everything!😉 By the way, I like golf. I suck at it. I suck the sweat off a dead dogs balls at it. But I like it. Golf is a strangly addictive activity. Until the 10th time I tried it I though it was the stupidest fucking thing on the planet. Now I find myself planning vacations around it. My wife & I spent thousands to fly to South Carolina just to play it. South Carolina for Gawds sake! To hit a ball with a crooked stick and chase it! Like heroin that game is! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/28 "2005-05-07T06:03:54Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Doc once fuck golf. Neighbor come out house and yell ‘Get away from my Volkswagen.’ This ruin romantic moment between Doc and sexy but affordable piece of German engineering. This should be a sig line. They made me play golf in high school gym class. My jock bitch of a teacher yelled at me for not knowing which club was which. Stupid bitch. We begged to be allowed to try tennis, like some of the other classes, but nooooo. Fuck golf. ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/29 "2005-05-07T06:48:06Z")
If there isn’t a little windmill, a manmade waterfall, or a brightly painted fiberglass animal, it isn’t real golf. That said. Golf would be a kick ass game if you could involve some sort of DeathCart 3000 into it. "Ohhhhhhh! SCORE! Frankengolf took out Bob Barker on the celebrity green. He turns,… wait,… YES! Frankengolf has set his sights on Alice Cooper. That has turned into quite a game." ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/30 "2005-05-07T06:52:28Z")
Actually, I’d always thought that it’s worth noting: golf spelled backwards is flog. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a replacement for the self-flagellation cults, or not. But I’m still staying away from it. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/31 "2005-05-07T07:08:57Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > Fuck golf. > > I was \* ordered\* to play golf today. And this was not the first time. . . > > **Golf is nothing more than “fetch” for people** : hit a ball, chase a ball. Hit it again, chase it again. There is nothing more stupid that someone or a dog chasing a little stupid ball into a hole. > > Fuck golf. > > In no other sport involving clubs/sticks/bats/whatever that you have to either carry a multitude of expensive sticks around yourself, or have someone carry it for you. If you can’t figure out how to do something with one implement, then the hell with you. > > Fuck golf. > > Notwithstanding George Carlin, it is still as arrogant a sport as you can get. > > Fuck golf. > > The first time I “played” golf, I teed off from the 4th tee, and ended up on the 9th fairway. I got yelled at because I was a ‘beginner’. > > Fuck golf. > > And don’t dare tell me it’s like ‘the artillery’, ‘cause it ain’t. With the field artillery, you have to compute for things, in order to put fire on target. In golf, you _try_ to compute for wind, just to put a stupid little ball in a little hole. In the artillery, you are actually saving lives though fire on a point. > > Fuck golf. > > And don’t give me that shit that “you can drink while you’re playing”. Fuck that. I can drink whilst playing hockey, poker, ping-pong, pocket pool. Beer is an accessory to any sport, and it doesn’t fucking matter in this case. > > Fuck golf. > > I completely agree with the former Governor of Minnesota, Jesse Ventura: A lot of those golf courses could be turned into property to house the homeless, or graveyards, airports, whatever. There is so much manufactured acreage in golf courses, I want to carpet bomb them all. With B-52s. Armed with nuclear weapons. > > Fuck golf. > > Sand is not a trap. Water is not a trap. Both are found on a beach, and both are pleasureable. > > Fuck golf. > > Now, some know I don’t like certain sports: I don’t like basketball–it never appealed to me, and I’m 5’6". Baseball is okay, but it’s so darn slow. For me, hockey is where it’s at: fast, furious, and the testosterone flows. Golf? Shit, let me walk along a non-wild green, manicured by the staff, only to whack at a perfected ball just so I can land it on an even more-manicured green. > > Fuck golf. > > “Golf” is the ony sport you don’t ‘play’, but you do. I’m “going golfing” versus, I’m going to ‘play softball’/‘play roulette’/‘play hockey’. Fuck that. > > Fuck golf. > > Golf is not a sport. Golf is an arrogant hobby. > > Tripler > Fuck golf. And fuck you! 🙂 You could dismiss the procedures of the Senate too, because you didn’t take the time to understand them. Wouldn’t make that any less important either… ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/32 "2005-05-07T07:23:41Z")
Must be posted in 10,000 places on this board. " Just because I have not starved to death does not mean I can’t have a valid opinion about it." He don’t like golf. Get over it … He don’t like it at 6 and he don’t like it at 9… \*:: here, let me lend you a clue by four. ::: \* ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/33 "2005-05-07T07:31:04Z")
> [@GusNSpot](#): > > Must be posted in 10,000 places on this board. " Just because I have not starved to death does not mean I can’t have a valid opinion about it." > > He don’t like golf. Get over it … He don’t like it at 6 and he don’t like it at 9… \*:: here, let me lend you a clue by four. ::: \* No… if he went into it with a pre-conceived notion, then he won’t like it. And deserves all the derision I spewed. I didn’t say he’s not allowed to have an opinion, just form that opinion REASONABLY. Make jokes on my screenname all you want… doesn’t further your “point” at all… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![gommsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bcef8e/32.png) [@gommsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gommsn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/34 "2005-05-07T11:15:26Z")
Lets not get too serious here guys. Its about golf after all. Some of the best times I have had in my life were on the golf course. Mind you, most of my friends play. My uncle, who is no longer with me(God bless him), introduced me to the game when I was in my 30’s and I have been an addict since. I have returned the favor whenever I could. One thing for sure, you’ll either become hooked in the most ungodly fashion or you’ll hate it with all your being. Eighteen of us leave on June 5th for our annual smack-up and by the third day we are all in golf carts because we are so friggin’ tired from no sleep and a smidge too much of the good cheer. You get out of it what you put into it. Just don’t take it too seriously, its just a game. I ramble because I love it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/35 "2005-05-07T11:56:31Z")
I have found that the people who like golf Really Really like golf. It’s not a, “Hey, I’ve got some spare time, let’s go hit some balls” type of sport. You’re either drawn to it or you can’t be bothered. Else, why would this have been around for the past ten years? ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/36 "2005-05-07T12:30:56Z")
I am not a golf person-never cared forit, but whatever floats your boat. That said, what I can’t really STAND is watching it on TV! That really bites! To me, it is the most boring thing you could do…but my family loves it. I just don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/37 "2005-05-07T13:46:27Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > That said, what I can’t really STAND is watching it on TV! That really bites! On the other hand, there is nothing like golf on TV to help enable a soothing Saturday afternoon nap. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/38 "2005-05-07T14:42:36Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > On the other hand, there is nothing like golf on TV to help enable a soothing Saturday afternoon nap. No, that’s what C-SPAN is for. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/39 "2005-05-07T15:27:13Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > I was \* ordered\* to play golf today. And this was not the first time. . . I jave just one question. Who ordered you to play golf? I currently have this mental image now of Jack Bauer (“24”), pointing a gun… “Replace that divot! Replace that divot, NOW!!!” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/40 "2005-05-07T15:46:36Z")
I’ve had a summer job at a country park for the past few years. The golfers liked to demand parking spaces as close to the golf course as possible, despite the fact they’re going to be walking about ten miles playing their game. I never quite figured that out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769.md?page=3)