# Fuck Golf. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 7, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769 "2005-05-07T01:21:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/41 "2005-05-07T16:58:55Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > They made me play golf in high school gym class. My jock bitch of a teacher yelled at me for not knowing which club was which. Stupid bitch. We begged to be allowed to try tennis, like some of the other classes, but nooooo. I’m envisioning in my mind a sort of reinactment of the DeNiro “baseball” scene in _The Untouchables_: “You know what I love about golf? Teamwork! ::wack:: Teamwork! ::wack:: Is this an eight iron, bitch? ::wack:: What about this one? ::wack:: Here, let me give you a hand with this sand wedge! ::wackwackwack:: _panting, bloodsplatter **Guinastasia** _ I love golf.” Oh, and let it be said again, 'cause it can never be said enough: **FUCK GOLF!** Stranger Yeah, I used to have fantasies about doing this kind of thing to my gym coaches, especially the one who drove around in a golf cart and threw things at you, then stood in front of the shower bay with his hand down his pants “to make certain all you boys are taking your showers,” the sick fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/42 "2005-05-07T17:41:59Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > I jave just one question. Who ordered you to play golf? > I currently have this mental image now of Jack Bauer (“24”), pointing a gun… “Replace that divot! Replace that divot, NOW!!!” 😉 My commander did. And he knows I hate golf. “You are going golfing with us, because we need a fourth. Trust me, you’ll like it! We start at 1300.” Now granted, it did get me away from the desk, and out of work early. But so would jabbing a meat thermometer into my ear. Tripler People should not be ordered to recreate. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/43 "2005-05-07T18:23:47Z")
You’re going to have fun! And that’s an order, soldier! Now you can either start having fun right now, or you can drop and give me… infinity! ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/44 "2005-05-07T19:22:44Z")
Y’know, people who are being Coerced to Golf (or to Tennis, or Squash, or whatever) (And where the **HELL** do bosses get the idea that ANYTHING unrelated to the job itself is an ethical thing to _impose_ on a subordinate anyway??) should be allowed to carry himself on the course any damn way they see fit, and wear some sort of visible identifier upon sight of which anyone else on the course will know that saying a word about the coercee’s lousy play will cost them 6 strokes. Oh, and why people hate lawns? Because there’s nothing happenning on a lawn. Now a meadow, a flower garden, a vegetable garden, an orchard, a grove… that’s the Plant Kingdom showing what it can do… a lawn is a monument to cutting grass. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/45 "2005-05-07T20:56:09Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > You’re going to have fun! And that’s an order, soldier! Now you can either start having fun right now, or you can drop and give me… > infinity! Command has become aware that M-Div has a morale problem. To combat this, liberty is secured until morale improves. That is all. AKA, the floggings will continue, until morale improves. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/46 "2005-05-07T21:27:58Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > Oh, and why people hate lawns? Because there’s nothing happenning on a lawn. Now a meadow, a flower garden, a vegetable garden, an orchard, a grove… that’s the Plant Kingdom showing what it can do… a lawn is a monument to cutting grass. Yes, exactly. Think of all the halfway interesting things and useful things you can do with land. And you fill it with boring green grass? To be fair, it’s the suburban lawn obsession that I really hate, though, not the lawn itself. I have nothing against grass, just the idea that it’s the ONLY worthwhile thing to grow in your front yard, and it has to be at a specific height, and a specific color, and blah blah blah. It’s just some fucking grass! ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/47 "2005-05-08T05:38:19Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > People should not be ordered to recreate. First they can’t order you to procreate, now they can’t order you to recreate? What is this world coming to!? :eek: 😃 > [@Kyla](#): > > have nothing against grass, just the idea that it’s the ONLY worthwhile thing to grow in your front yard, and it has to be at a specific height, and a specific color, and blah blah blah. It’s just some fucking grass! It’s arboreal eugenics. They even spray the ‘undesirables’ down with poisons, and encourage ‘Our Kind’ to proliferate in artificially sterile conditions. August “Dandelion-Lover” Derleth ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/48 "2005-05-08T05:45:21Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > First they can’t order you to procreate, now they can’t order you to recreate? What is this world coming to!? :eek: I don’t know, but I know it’s bad when you have an **unlimited** amount of time to hit a stupid, little deformed ball into a fucking gopher hole with a flag. No goalie, no shot clock, no defense. Hit a ball, chase it. Hit a ball, chase it again. Hit it one more time, and chase it again. I maintain that golf is nothing more than “fetch” for people. It’s fucking stupid. And a waste of time and money. Tripler It wasn’t a serious Pit thread until someone said “fucking”. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/49 "2005-05-08T06:16:42Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > I don’t know, but I know it’s bad when you have an **unlimited** amount of time… Ha! Tell that to the rangers. 🙂 > [@](#): > > …to hit a stupid, little deformed ball… [Don’ worry **Tripler** , Ah kin make it on mah own!](http://fff.fathom.org/pages/Joe_K/Image118.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/50 "2005-05-08T07:11:30Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > People should not be ordered to recreate. Could have been worse. You could have been ordered to _watch_ golf. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/51 "2005-05-08T08:58:38Z")
See, this is where you need a good anecdote. Mine is about how the last time I was on a golf course (age 15) I blew two huge divots in one of the greens with a shotgun\*. I never get invited to play golf once they hear that. - It was on my Grandparents farm, the local golf course started outside of town & stretched across a couple of the nearby properties. It was night & we were out shooting rabbits. Unfortunately it was the day before the local championship tournament. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/52 "2005-05-08T09:13:38Z")
Tripler - Yeeeeesh. Ordering someone to hit the rowing machine 20 minutes a day, I can understand. Fitness is always important in the military. Running hurdles, trickier, greater risk of getting hurt, but otherwise similar. Even some of the relatively low-impact sports in controlled environments (tennis, for example) might be justifiable. But _golf??_ The most insane, infuriating, incomprehensible sport imaginable? And it’s not good enough just to put in your time; you actually have to **perform above a certain level** or be passed over for promotion? My sympathies, pal. (Geez, as if recruiting wasn’t tough enough these days… 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![gommsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bcef8e/32.png) [@gommsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gommsn)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/53 "2005-05-08T12:09:04Z")
Anyone catch the third round of the Wachovia yesterday. Sergio had a great round and is in the lead. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/54 "2005-05-08T14:13:50Z")
> [@DKW](#): > > And it’s not good enough just to put in your time; you actually have to **perform above a certain level** or be passed over for promotion? I’m guessing his CO is one of those fellows who feels that he can only evaluate a subordinate’s “character” and “leadership potential” by seeing how well can said subordinate try to be like him and make him look good in front of others. Look at the bright side, at least this CO is not actually on the front. I can imagine him trying to play the front nine at the Irbil Country Club… _“Son, you can fight, or you can golf… HAJJI DON’T GOLF!”_ ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/55 "2005-05-08T14:29:17Z")
Golf is nothing more than a slightly civilized dick waving contest. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/56 "2005-05-08T15:43:38Z")
Honestly, there is no space on an OPR for golfing abilities. It’s not considered part of ‘professional development’ to hit a fucking stupid little ball into a gopher hole–although my downtown involvement with some amateur hockey leagues has been mentioned, but as “community involvement”. My commander’s okay, but he’s got his moments. As personal preference to work goes, I try not to socialize with bosses. Once in a great while, if I see 'em at a barbecue or something, that’s perfectly fine. But I don’t like to make a habit out of it. Thus being, my case for prosecution goes like this: [ul] [li]I was more or less _directed_ to recreate. (What I legally do on my own time is my own fuckin’ business).[/li][li]I played golf. (A stupid fucking game, which has no redeeming value, as well as absolutely minimal risk to life, limb, or eyesight)[/li][li]I suck at golf, but was told to play. (There’s a reason I suck: I don’t like golf, therefore, I don’t practice or play)[/li][/ul] Now, if you _asked_ me to play, I would have approached the situation differently. “Well Sir, I’m not too partial to golf, but I’ll give it a try . . .” (making undertones that I don’t like golf, and you’re probably better off finding a better fourth). If you had asked me to go shooting, canoeing, play poker, etc. I would have jumped at the chance. But golf? Come the fuck on. . . But I don’t want to detract from my original rant: **GOLF IS AN INSIPIDLY STUPID GAME.** Furthermore, please observe my earlier reference to the lack of personal danger and risk. Thank you. Tripler See? A little color, bolding, and underlining makes my entire point stand out, don’t it? - OPR: Officer Performance Reports ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/57 "2005-05-08T16:05:36Z")
_A golf course is the willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range._ - Bill O’Connor ---
**Author:** ![gommsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bcef8e/32.png) [@gommsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gommsn)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/58 "2005-05-08T18:20:29Z")
C’mon **tripler** , think Beer. Think a bunch of guys out for a good time. Think Beer. Think fresh air and exercise. Think Beer. OK, forget that other stuff. Just think Beer! Oh, Hurry up and get the chores done. The coverage starts @ 3;00 pm. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/59 "2005-05-08T18:51:04Z")
Of course golf is an incredibly stupid game. Of all human endeavors, it is _the_ greatest waste of time and effort. To think that people are proud of their abilities to knock a small ball through a windmill before the rotating vanes block it. Oh and on the 18th hole, if the ball lands in the clown’s nose, your next game is free. BIG DEAL !!! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2005, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769/60 "2005-05-08T19:10:45Z")
What you need is a “back injury”. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-golf/302769.md?page=4)