# Fuck it, I'm choking my chicken **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2008, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151 "2008-10-29T22:03:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/61 "2008-10-30T21:11:43Z")
> [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](#): > > I know, I’m doing it wrong but… > > Ironing the microphone. > Worshipping the chimp. > Punishing the creek. > > [And many, many more from here.](http://www.walkingdead.net/perl/euphemism) Actually, the generator has come up with a few pretty appropriate ones: skinning the tiny god salting the chimney titillating the pink pigeon (and, with a nod to Mbossa) whipping the duck This is a lot more fun than studyin’! ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/62 "2008-10-30T21:18:59Z")
> [@rikc](#): > > My penis is so stupid! Fuckin’ dork! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/63 "2008-10-30T22:52:24Z")
Did you hear the one about how Oedipus got dumped by his girlfriend? Yeah, ever since then he’s been masturbating like a motherfuck. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2008, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/64 "2008-10-31T01:23:14Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > That may prove difficult since I played hide the salami earlier. > > Must have been cock-robbin’ then. Hypno - you havn’t been sausage smuggling again have you? Come over later we’re holding a pocket party. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2008, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/65 "2008-10-31T12:31:16Z")
I was eating the best piece of pie yesterday when I suddenly discovered a very long piece of hair in it. It was over three feet long, and I turned it into a Cat’s Cradle. I had fun playing with the hair in my pie. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2008, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/66 "2008-10-31T12:36:55Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > Hypno - you havn’t been sausage smuggling again have you? Nope, just grapes. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2008, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/67 "2008-10-31T14:40:29Z")
So I’m walking to work yesterday, and this guy opens half his coat revealing a bunch jewelry. He’s got necklaces, rings and bracelets hanging from his coat and a nice selection of timepieces on his arm. Well, I did need a watch so I decided to have one off the wrist. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/68 "2008-10-31T22:38:26Z")
On a serious note over here in Britain not too long ago a famous female member of a Circus owning family was prosecuted for animal cruelty to a chimpanzee. I appreciate that a chimp is not a monkey but you couldn’t believe the number of spanking the monkey jokes that went around when she was prosecuted. ---
**Author:** ![Dosipede](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dosipede](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dosipede)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2008, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/69 "2008-10-31T23:13:26Z")
Sorry folks, I don’t have time to participate in this thread. You see, I recently lost my legs in an industrial accident, and have been learning how to walk on my hands. To top it all off, the girlfriend invited me to a dance tonight. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to do the five-knuckle shuffle. ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2008, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/70 "2008-11-01T01:32:38Z")
Now and then when I’m waiting for the subway, there’s this one man with a shorn head hanging around the platform. I don’t know why he smells so bad, but when I’m downwind from him, his odor actually makes me throw up in my mouth. Even worse, he’s a lot crazy, and grabs me by the throat now and then. It makes me so mad. You know, regaling you with this tale has really upset me. I want justice. I want relief! You kids have fun here; I’m going to go choke the bald man til he pukes. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2008, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/71 "2008-11-01T01:49:36Z")
I’m starving so I was going to get a pickle before I answered this thread. It’s stuck in the jar, when I’m done jerkin the gherkin, I’ll let you know. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2008, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/72 "2008-11-01T12:56:44Z")
I tell you, the real estate market is so bad these days that five other realtors and myself have formed a group for sharing our listings. Well, it started that way, but lately we’ve been having some enjoyable social gatherings too. We call the group “Sharing House Inventory Is Profitable” but usually just refer to it by the initials. Our mottor is: Six with S.H.I.I.P. is FUN! ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2008, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/73 "2008-11-01T18:36:55Z")
Appropriate flick on FX channel right now- **The House of Wax**. My grass is something else. I’m going to whack my weed. ---
**Author:** ![Euryphaessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Euryphaessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euryphaessa)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2008, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/74 "2008-11-02T01:18:24Z")
Stupid cat hair. Guess I’m going to be vacuuming the carpet tonight. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2008, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/75 "2008-11-02T14:55:38Z")
> [@Queen of Town](#): > > Stupid cat hair. Guess I’m going to be vacuuming the carpet tonight. Never heard that one, but I like it. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Mbossa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Mbossa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mbossa)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/76 "2008-11-03T06:17:50Z")
Just remembered: [this video](http://www.rathergood.com/jamie/) might appeal to the kind of sick person who enjoyed this thread. Now, can someone come up with an innocent usage of ‘flicking beans in spam purses’? ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/77 "2008-11-03T14:17:38Z")
Doesn’t the Dope have rules against being a jerk? Everyone who posted in this thread should be banned for self-jerkitude. ETA: Inspired by [Pedro’s post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10293816&postcount=63). ---
**Author:** ![goodie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@goodie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goodie)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/78 "2008-11-03T16:37:16Z")
Our washing machine is broke and though he needs a clean shirt for work tomorrow, I will be too tired from yard work to do the clothes, so my poor husband is just going to have to wash his own laundry by hand. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/79 "2008-11-03T16:52:18Z")
> [@Mbossa](#): > > Just remembered: [this video](http://www.rathergood.com/jamie/) might appeal to the kind of sick person who enjoyed this thread. Now, can someone come up with an innocent usage of ‘flicking beans in spam purses’? Y’know, I was just wondering what to have for dinner tonight. Funds are low, and all I have in the pantry is a can of pinto beans and some formed and pressed lunchmeat. Maybe I could make a roasted ham with bean stuffing. I can make a little slit in thick slices of the stuff and slide the beans in until they fill it…excuse me, I have to go try flicking beans in spam purses. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/80 "2008-11-03T17:27:50Z")
I sometimes have a really hard time trying to get these sentances to come out just the way I want and I have to mess with the grammar a bit, trying gerunds and the like; you know, verbing the noun. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151.md?page=5)