# Fuck it, I'm choking my chicken **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2008, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151 "2008-10-29T22:03:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/81 "2008-11-03T17:52:30Z")
So I got this job for a new club in downtown. It’s a pretty sweet gig and it attracts a lot of people. The pay could be better, but that’s all right, they hook it up with drinks all night. Besides, the job is easy… all I do is make flyers, business cards, and such, then hand them out to people and friends. Piece of cake. Anyway, enough chit-chat. I gotta go promote my club. ---
**Author:** ![Sinaijon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Sinaijon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinaijon)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/82 "2008-11-03T19:59:37Z")
After a long day of writing, my well went dry, and my manservant, Stim was no where to be found. When he finally entered my drawing room, I yelled, “Stim!, You late!, my pen is empty” ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/83 "2008-11-03T20:31:05Z")
When going camping, always make sure to shake out your clothes before putting them on. One time I stuck my hand down my pants and found a trouser snake. ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/84 "2008-11-03T21:22:36Z")
C’mon guys, get a grip! You just need to take the situation in hand. ---
**Author:** ![Klytus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Klytus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klytus)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/85 "2008-11-03T23:16:53Z")
I was once at a party with models and strippers (though, alas, the party itself was not about either). Anyway, one of the models was talking about how she wore a pink feather boa in a photo shoot on a bed, and that the cleaning lady, upon seeing all those pink feathers on the bed, said it looked like someone had been plucking a pink chicken. That phrase got tossed about all night, and I made the comment “You know, that sounds like a euphemism for something.” After a brief silence, one of the models said, “Well, men have cocks, so it only makes sense that women have chickens… and it **is** pink!” Wanna pluck? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Peste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Doctor\_Peste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Peste)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/86 "2008-11-04T01:00:52Z")
I made a fresh batch of blueberry muffins last night, and stuck one of them in with my usual PBJ to have at work. Lo and behold, when I opened up my lunch bag, it was all dusty with sandwich crumbs! So, naturally, I spent half my lunch break buffin’ the muffin. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/87 "2008-11-04T01:10:30Z")
> [@Mbossa](#): > > I’ve recently been inspired by the way that ducks, especially those with ducklings, hold themselves in arguments during Catholic religious services. I’ve decided to emulate their behaviour and start Mass debating like a mother duck. Alternatively, you could just quack off. But I have my own problems. The steak I got for dinner is a bit tough. Anybody seen my tenderizer? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/88 "2008-11-04T01:36:57Z")
Wankers! ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/89 "2008-11-04T03:02:30Z")
Sigh. My parents keep asking me when I’m going to finally buy a house. Thing is, I can’t afford it right now because I’m helping put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/90 "2008-11-04T03:28:14Z")
Despite my hard efforts to build an automated spacecraft, I can’t get the computer to use the ignition controls right. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go manually blast off. ---
**Author:** ![Fred\_Flintstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b3f665/32.png) [@Fred\_Flintstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred_Flintstone)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/91 "2008-11-04T04:37:52Z")
As a woodworker and rehabber, I often find myself sanding the banister all weekend. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyTVS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BunnyTVS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyTVS)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/92 "2008-11-04T11:38:24Z")
I’m tired and can’t think of anything (in)appropriate. So I’m gonna go to bed and wrestle with the problem. With a bit of luck, I’ll wake up tomorrow with solution in hand. ---
**Author:** ![Marcus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85e7bf/32.png) [@Marcus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/93 "2008-11-04T12:49:15Z")
You can only read the interwebs for so long. Time for some action, I think. I’m off for some white water wristing. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/94 "2008-11-04T14:54:51Z")
I could use some help! You see, reading this thread reminded me of the somewhat–revealing, shall we say–photos that a friend and I made, back when I was young and thin and beautiful. I called up my friend to reminisce and she told me she recently sent her copies of the pictures to a nudie magazine. I bought several different publications, but haven’t found them yet. So, if any of you guys come across them, would you let me know?? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/95 "2008-11-04T14:58:18Z")
So… Who’s going to be the first brave soul to post and say… I’m having a wank. Or to de-britishialaterize it - I am masturbating. (though that is not as amusing a phrase as “I’m having a wank.” [sub]I’m not, by the way. I’m at work.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/96 "2008-11-04T17:28:23Z")
I’m gonna respond to this thread after I take off my pants and jacket! ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/97 "2008-11-04T17:54:20Z")
> [@Chanteuse](#): > > I could use some help! > > You see, reading this thread reminded me of the somewhat–revealing, shall we say–photos that a friend and I made, back when I was young and thin and beautiful. I called up my friend to reminisce and she told me she recently sent her copies of the pictures to a nudie magazine. I bought several different publications, but haven’t found them yet. > > So, if any of you guys come across them, would you let me know?? Well, my iguana has been acting uppity lately, so I know I’m going to have to whip the lizard soon- and when I do, I’ll be perusing my literature collection. But how will I know if I see you? I think you should post one of the pictures here- just for reference purposes, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/98 "2008-11-04T18:05:32Z")
> [@Chanteuse](#): > > I could use some help! > > You see, reading this thread reminded me of the somewhat–revealing, shall we say–photos that a friend and I made, back when I was young and thin and beautiful. I called up my friend to reminisce and she told me she recently sent her copies of the pictures to a nudie magazine. I bought several different publications, but haven’t found them yet. > > So, if any of you guys come across them, would you let me know?? Actually, it’s possible I already have come across them, in which case they’re stuck together and useless. Another reason to post them here! ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/99 "2008-11-04T18:06:17Z")
Excuse me, I’m a little busy. Stop looking at my post. ---
**Author:** ![Sinaijon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Sinaijon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinaijon)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151/100 "2008-11-04T18:06:31Z")
Me and my buddy Jack went out fishing in my new boat, a 25’ Johnson with a 25hp Evinsrude motor. Unfortunately, the motor was a bit underpowered for the big boat and broke down out in the middle of the lake. I just swam ashore, but my buddy couldn’t swim. Is there anybody here who can help Jack off my big johnson? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-it-im-choking-my-chicken/470151.md?page=6)