# Fuck lawyers if they can't take a joke. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 5, 2000, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781 "2000-10-05T15:39:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/1 "2000-10-05T15:39:02Z")
So how many active threads do we have here discussing whether lawyers are good or evil, and whether those poor innocent lawyers are unfairly being called names? Guess what? In my experience, at certain times, and in certain situations, what is required of your lawyer is for him to be a first class asshole, and to try to dick over your opponent (staying arguably within the rules while doing so). That’s kind of a job requirement. And some attorneys are assholes even when the situation doesn’t call for it. That’s who you are dealing with. Many lawyers are intelligent and highly competitive (kind of starts with getting into and succeeding in law school). How can you be troublesd about something as meaningless as a joke when your jon requires you to put up with so much more significant bullshit? You go to court, and if the judge had a bad morning, he can choose to ream you out, and you just have to stand there and take it because that goes with the territory. Or you know your client is in the right, and you do a great job, and guess what, the judge/jury screws up and decides the case incorrectly. And don’t be surprised when your opponent, and even your client flat out lies to you. Ain’t exactly pleasant, but it is an anticipated aspect of the job. Meanwhile, you chose the profession. And the profession affords you the opportunity to make a decent living. If you choose certain disciplines, you can effectively advance what you consider to be the public interest. Meanwhile, no heavy lifting. So how come you also want universal public adulation as well? So why the fuck do you care if someone tells a lawyer joke? If the person telling it is an asshole, whether he tells it or not doesn’t make him more or less of an asshole. Someone mentioned elsewhere that certain attorneys have left the boards due to unpleasantness and/or perceived insults. Jesus fuck! People are able to strenuously debate religion, sexuality, you name it here. But if you dare suggest my chosen profession ain’t worthy of being placed on a pedestal, I can’t take it? How can someone function as a lawyer if their precious skin is so thin that something as meaningless as a joke about their chosen profession troubles them so? ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/2 "2000-10-05T15:58:00Z")
That reminds me do you know the difference between a dead skunk and a dead “plaintiff” attorney on the road is? The skidmarks in front of the skunk. One more… How come the post office did away with the “plaintiff” attorney stamp…because people just couldn’t decide which side to spit on. 😃 The reason of course I use “plaintiff” attorney now is because I do think Jodi is a nice person and I don’t want to offend her. Good post though Dinsdale. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/3 "2000-10-05T15:58:24Z")
IINAL - however, the tone of what I hear the lawyer folks objecting to is not the standard party jokes, its things like an entire DEBATE thread devoted to how slimey lawyers are etc. that’s a little different, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/4 "2000-10-05T16:04:10Z")
Oh, fuck off, Dinsdale. It’s not a matter of “can’t take a joke”; it’s a matter of several posters (such as Wildest Bill, Jeff42, etc.) who can’t see a single thread with the word “lawyer” in it without jumping in and piling as much shit as they possibly can about how lawyers are “scum-sucking pigs”. Look, I stopped dealing with **Zenster** and **lissener** about politics not because I can’t stand opposing views, but because I was sick and tired of being called an idiot and morally deficient because I dared to support Bush. Am I a weenie? Is that your statement? I’ve made jokes about Bush and his mistakes; it’s not like I consider such a thing an affront to my sensibilities. Rather, it’s a matter of getting heaped on with piles of generalist shit that can’t be washed off because it’s too vague to defend against, and because even if you _try_ to defend yourself, the shitter doesn’t change his views and just goes off to shit on you in the next time it comes up. So get off your goddamned high horse, and Bill? For a Christian, you have a damned ass-end way of turning the other cheek. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/5 "2000-10-05T16:28:52Z")
In my view, the prevalence of lawyer jokes is symptommatic of some aspect of a less than favorable public impression of the profession. A statement that “All lawyers are pond scum” is clearly ridiculous, and not even the wild guy sticks to it. However, the debate goes to what percentage of the lawyers are scummy, and exactly how scummy they are. And the thread about the loser paying fees, or discussions about the validity of punitive damages, are valid arguments. I think Bill deserves some credit for stating his propositions in a manner that invites clash. Makes for a more spirited debate than just saying, “Hey guys. Whaddaya think about this?” Having said that, I don’t think WB follows up well when his initial challenge has been engaged. Are there lawyers out there who have actually been outcast in social situations because of their profession? Without exception all of the lawyers I know will attest to receiving some degree of respect because of their education and profession. If nothing else, folks will begrudgingly say, “Gee, a lawyer. You must be smart.” It isn’t as though lawyers walk around getting spit on all day. So why all this “Woe is me. You have to love, admire, and respect us lawyers” crap? BTW, my name ends in “ski.” Please forward me all your Polack jokes as well. And my ethnicity was not my choice. Finally, John, I need a high horse so my legs don’t drag on the ground! So Zenster and lissener are unable or unwilling to intelligently disucss your political preferences. Doesn’t mean such a debate is impossible or undesirable. Same with the questions/criticisms about our current legal system and its practitioners. ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/6 "2000-10-05T16:45:18Z")
John, Why I do consider you a good debater and a fair person I think you kinda of uses a back handed attack on me there. Sure I am Christian and I am suppose to turn the other cheek well I did. You know after a big case with mean nazi lawyer that kept sueing me I actually saw him at a post office and told him I that forgave him and did not hold a grudge on him. Well, then he sued me two more times. The bible say to turn the other cheek I don’t have another one even on my backside the cheeks are beet red. So when do you stop turning the other cheek. Sure as dinsdale pointed out I just you colorful words to bring on a more spirited debate. And you have to admit it does make it more exciting for sides. Of course I don’t mean it for all attorneys just the scum sucking ones 😉 . And one more thing as far turning the other cheek. You can’t even to begin to know how much I hated this lawyer. I actually thought about kicking his butt or worse. And I give God the credit for softening my heart because I have since forgave him again. Dinsdale, I always am looking for ways to improve myself. Please tell me how I don’t follow up well and I’ll try to correct that. But sometimes when so many people attack you it is hard to answer all their questions if you know I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/7 "2000-10-05T16:52:21Z")
That’s mighty white of you to forgive someone for doing their job. You’re a fuck-up, and a lousy Christian. I’d say you could learn something from some other more Christ-like people on this board, but you’ve proven time and time again you aren’t capable of learning, only listening to yourself bitch. Oh, poor you. :rolleyes: Esprix ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/8 "2000-10-05T17:05:43Z")
Lawyers are advocates hired to make the best possible case for their clients within the bounds of the Canon of Ethics. A lawyer who violates the Canon may be disbarred or subject to criminal prosecution. Johnny Cochran, for example is viewed by many as a low-life shyster, but he defends his clients well to the best of his ability, which is exactly what he is supposed to do. However some may view the profession, since my cousin and her husband are lawyers, my late uncle was a lawyer, and I will, in three years’ time, be a lawyer, I submit that there are at least four present and future lawyers who are not scum-suckers. BTW, Wildest Bill, for the love of Jah Rastafari, buy yourself a dictionary and a grammar book! ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/9 "2000-10-05T17:14:24Z")
All lawyer jokes are 100% justified after you’ve lived in Rochester and seen “Jim the Hammer Shapiro” commercials. ::shudder:: ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/10 "2000-10-05T17:56:38Z")
Hey, I laugh at lawyer jokes, too (why do lawyers wear ties? To keep the foreskin from creeping up their necks). I just looked back on my posts in the [Loser Pays](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=40792) and [Pond Scum](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=40821) threads, thinking, “maybe I overreacted,” but really, my responses are mostly giving information about how lawyers really work, with some growing frustration at folks who “authoritatively” make completely untrue statements like “Lawyers refuse to police themselves.” I don’t jump down someone’s throat at every generalization or joke, but when we get down to debating the profession on a board dedicated to fighting ignorance, I try to overcome the erroneous perception that lawyers are all “pond scum.” ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/11 "2000-10-05T18:05:31Z")
What do you do for a living, Dindale? ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/12 "2000-10-05T18:05:44Z")
\*Originally posted by goboy \* > [@](#): > > BTW, Wildest Bill, for the love of Jah Rastafari, buy yourself a dictionary and a grammar book! Hey Goboy, I just want you to know that ever since the debates me and you use to have I have earnestly tried to proof read my posts before submitting and look up words in the dictionary that I am unsure of. I know I still suck at it but I am trying. And Btw I did that because you, I could care less what esprx(spelled it wrong just to hack him off 😃 ) has to say about my grammer. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/13 "2000-10-05T18:09:59Z")
Of course you wouldn’t take English advice from me - it’s what I do for a living, and since you hate all lawyers for what _they_ do for a living, I certainly wouldn’t expect you to compromise your moral code to do any differently for me. :rolleyes: And by the way? _All fundamentalist Christians are rabid, right-wing nutjobs._ Esprix ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/14 "2000-10-05T18:14:38Z")
**HEY!** Goddamnit, Esprix, as a rabid right-wing nutjob, I take exception to you packing me in with the fundamentalists! **Bill** - I _do_ understand you being pissed off at _a_ lawyer. What I don’t understand is A) how you translate that _this_ lawyer being a scum means that _all_ lawyers are scum; and B) why it is that when someone starts a thread saying, “Jodi the lawyer is feeling down, please help her out with good lawyer stories” you feel it’s acceptable to walk in and start talking about how scummy lawyers are. You’re right, though; it isn’t a matter of you not turning the other cheek, and I apologize for that miscategorization. It’s a matter of a lack of tact upon your part, which is an entirely seperate issue. ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/15 "2000-10-05T18:20:28Z")
Ok esprix, Now you have gone too far. You accuse me of generalizing what the heck do you think you just did. And since you stated such a bogus statement as me hating all lawyers please show me where I said such a statement. I have many times said some lawyers are good. But I also think alot of them are bad such mainly "plaintiff attorney. And I must be the only one. What profession did Hollywood cast lucifer in? REMEMBER THAT? Don’t yell me for my feeling about plaintiff lawyers. They brought the heat on themselves. BTW exprix, please state your cites and stats on your statement “All fundamentalists Christians are rabid, right-wing nutjobs.” or concede the debate. And the hell the up. Sound familar? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/16 "2000-10-05T18:35:19Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Wildest Bill** _ > > Now you have gone too far. You accuse me of generalizing what the heck do you think you just did. And since you stated such a bogus statement as me hating all lawyers please show me where I said such a statement. I have many times said some lawyers are good. But I also think alot of them are bad such mainly "plaintiff attorney. And I must be the only one. What profession did Hollywood cast lucifer in? REMEMBER THAT? Don’t yell me for my feeling about plaintiff lawyers. They brought the heat on themselves. I can’t even begin to point out the idiocy of all this. You haven’t been generalizing about plaintiff lawyers? The devil? They bring it on themselves? You’re a joke, and if you’re truly so thick that you can’t see that… well, I guess pigs really _can’t_ sing. > [@](#): > > BTW exprix, please state your cites and stats on your statement “All fundamentalists Christians are rabid, right-wing nutjobs.” or concede the debate. And the hell the up. Sound familar? No, it doesn’t sound familiar (note the correct spelling) at all, as I would never write, “And the hell the up,” whatever that’s supposed to mean. So the next time you get around to generalizing “all plaintiff lawyers,” remember how your widdle feelings were hurt when somebody said something that generalized you. We are all _people_, in case you’d forgotten. Isn’t that what your Christ taught? And **John** , my sincerest apologies for the slight - you know that’s not how I really feel. Besides, I don’t generally like rabid right-wing nutjobs, but you know, _you’re_ ok… 😉 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/17 "2000-10-05T18:41:37Z")
> [@](#): > > You know after a big case with mean nazi lawyer that kept sueing me I actually saw him at a post office and told him I that forgave him and did not hold a grudge on him. How fucking sweet of you, big guy. I’m sure you really had forgiven him. After all, I’m sure you call your mom a Nazi. You’re a hypocrite and a liar, and you’re not even _trying_ to follow Christ. > [@](#): > > The bible say to turn the other cheek I don’t have another one even on my backside the cheeks are beet red. So when do you stop turning the other cheek. Never. **Never**. _ **NEVER** _. Don’t you get it, hypocrite? Christ was **KILLED**. And HE kept turning the other cheek, and he never justified hatred with “the other guy’s doing it too,” as you’re doing. He never acted the way you are. Ever. Hypocrite. Folks, Jodi is a good person. So is Bill, and Rick, and our other members of the law profession. Some of you have driven Jodi off, Rick decided not to bother with the insults so he’s not around much, and it just fucking pisses me off. Telling them to “get over it,” Dinsdale? Lick my bag, scrote. That’s just fucking uncalled for. Fuck this noise, kids. I’ve got better shit to do with my time than listen to this bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Wildest\_Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Wildest\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildest_Bill)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/18 "2000-10-05T18:49:19Z")
Originally posted by John Corrado > [@](#): > > **Bill** - I _do_ understand you being pissed off at _a_ lawyer. What I don’t understand is A) how you translate that _this_ lawyer being a scum means that _all_ lawyers are scum; Just to be clear I never said(at least I think I didn’t) say all lawyers are scum. I did probably say that “plaintiff” attorney’s are scum and I know that is not entirely true. And to be fair I apologize for that. But let’s it sure is going to be harder to tell lawyer jokes with all the following…Did you hear about the "sorry plaintiff attorney I realize not all are bad this joke only applies to those who scumsuckers) see what I mean. > [@](#): > > why it is that when someone starts a thread saying, “Jodi the lawyer is feeling down, please help her out with good lawyer stories” you feel it’s acceptable to walk in and start talking about how scummy lawyers are. I truly don’t think I messed up here. I even went back and reread the thread to be sure. In Jester’s OP he stated, “I challenge everyone who doesn’t like lawyers to post your specific lawyer stories here.” I just did what he said to do in the criteria of his original post. I even stated that my comments did not apply to Jodi’s situation and apologized to her just in case I did offend her. So was that bad? Btw I did find it ironic that inspite Jesters good intention for the thread that there wasn’t to many “positive” stories about lawyers. Matter of fact the thread only had 9 post. > [@](#): > > It’s a matter of a lack of tact upon your part, which is an entirely seperate issue. Here you got me I can’t argue with that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/19 "2000-10-05T19:04:02Z")
I’m just terrified that someone who claims to be a business owner with enough employees to get sued a double-handful of times appears to have roughly a 5th-grade command of the English language. Actually, maybe that’s why he keeps being sued. If he could read and write in English (which I can only assume is his native language), he might have fewer problems. I can honestly tell you that, if I saw a business proposal from you written in that manner, you’d be at the bottom of a long list of potential business partners. And if your secretary has to proofread your crap and make it readable, you should double her salary immediately. BTW, as far as what role Hollywood cast Lucifer in, nearly every such movie **I’ve** ever seen, including the one to which you probably are referring, “The Devil’s Advocate,” presents the devil as a **criminal defense attorney.** ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2000, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781/20 "2000-10-05T19:13:43Z")
by **Wildest Bill** : > [@](#): > > Now you have gone too far. You accuse me of generalizing what the heck do you think you just did. . . . BTW exprix, please state your cites and stats on your statement “All fundamentalists Christians are rabid, right-wing nutjobs.” or concede the debate. And the hell the up. Sound familar? [AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=40813) ::Tearing hair out:: ( **pldennison** , you forgot to mention that he clearly has zero reading comprehension.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-lawyers-if-they-cant-take-a-joke/35781.md?page=2)