# Fuck off and die, Do-It-Yourself parking ticket writer **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 17, 2009, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397 "2009-09-17T02:30:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/21 "2009-09-17T04:33:27Z")
Bud Light presents: Real Men of Genius _(Real Men of Genius)_ Today we salute you, Mister Do-it-Yourself-Parking-Ticket Writer _(Mister Do-it-Yourself-Parking-Ticket Writer)_ Day after day, you scour the parking lots of America’s vast retail prairie, determined that no parking imperfection will go unscolded. _(You’re such a NAUGHTY boy!)_ You’ve got your retractable locking tape measure lubricated, your calipers calibrated, and your pre-printed stack of home-made parking tickets laminated in case of rain. _(Such an AUTHORITATIVE font!)_ So crack open a Bud Light, Mister Do-it-yourself-Parking-Ticket Writer. Because you sure proved that if you learned nothing else since you got your first box of crayons in kindergarten, you know how important it is to stay inside the lines. _(Mister Do-it-Yourself-Parking-Ticket Writer)_ ---
**Author:** ![St.Anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@St.Anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Anger)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/22 "2009-09-17T05:11:31Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Bolding mine. You first say you’re into the next parking space by 2 or 3 feet. Then you say you’re only taking up a tenth of the other space. Which is it? > Two or three feet is not a tenth of a parking spot. You had to have been pulled way too far forward to be extending two or three feet into the opposite space. > > My ex-husband has a Ford F-150. It’s not a big truck. On the odd occasion that I drove it, I had no problem parking it within a normal parking space. Maybe you need to practice your parking skills. Wow. Talk about splitting hairs. I acknowledged the truck was slightly into the other parking space, I didn’t get out of my truck and measure my infraction with a tape measure, and, to be honest, when I am out in the middle of nowhere, in a half empty parking lot, I admit I don’t circle my truck and make sure that it is evenly parked between the parking lines. I take more care, and park it properly when there are other cars near it. ---
**Author:** ![St.Anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@St.Anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Anger)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/23 "2009-09-17T05:13:55Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > **St. Anger** , you’re a prick, it oozes from every sentence you write. You’re so big and bad bitching on a message board about how much ass you’d kick if you caught the ‘pussy’ that put a note on your truck. Clown. > > And douche bag, before calling someone a ‘Mr. or Mrs. or Miss Passive Aggressive Ticket Writer’ you need to learn what Passive–aggressive behavior is cause you sound like fool. You are right, I guess I am maybe a little passive aggressive, I will admit. So, if you like, could go and, I don’t know, maybe fuck yourself, or something, that would be great, okay? Okay, hey good talking to you then. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/24 "2009-09-17T07:09:38Z")
How many angry saints are there? How many saints can park their Ford F-150s on the head of a pin? Apparently, at least one can’t. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/25 "2009-09-17T10:51:02Z")
I would’ve been po’d too, but then think about it, it’s funny! Funnier than getting a flyer advertising chinese takeout stuck in my car windshield If I had one of those ticket books I would ticket my partner for driving like a maniac in the neighborhood. SPeeding, reckless driving(taking a blind curve in the wrong lane), failure to stop at stop sign. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/26 "2009-09-17T10:57:13Z")
Reality check: this ticket-issuer has found a way to vent his (pretty justifiable) annoyance at your inconisderation, and has found a way to inform you of it when you two are not physically present at the same time, and you’re free to laugh it off, or take it seriously, or whatever–and your response is “If he was there I’d want to punch him out?” How about if he’s got five inches, thirty pounds, and a black belt over you? Now you’re all, “Aw, hell, why didn’t he just leave me a note instead of waiting for me to return to my truck and start some shit with me? Now my butt’s getting kicked all across the parking lot. Poor pitiful me.” ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/27 "2009-09-17T12:14:46Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > Reality check: this ticket-issuer has found a way to vent his (pretty justifiable) annoyance at your inconisderation, Can you explain this? I didn’t see any justification for the ticket, assuming the OP’s story is accurate. He wasn’t inconveniencing anyone, and (as the OP tells it) was not even running the _risk_ of _possibly_ inconveniencing anyone. Okay, with that said, I do also want to register the fact that the majority of OP’s post manages to garner no sympathy from the reader. Instead it makes him look like an dumb jock redneck type. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/28 "2009-09-17T12:15:18Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > Reality check: this ticket-issuer has found a way to vent his (pretty justifiable) annoyance at your inconisderation, I don’t see where he was inconsiderate. If he’s parked further away than the rest of the cars, in a half empty parking lot, it really doesn’t make a damn bit of difference if he takes up 1, 2 or 4 parking spots. Nobody has to park further away than they want to, and nobody is going to be denied a parking spot. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/29 "2009-09-17T12:18:08Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > Huh. And here I am, the person who when she gets out of the car sees it’s an inch over the line, gets her ass right back in, starts it, and moves it to within her parking lines. I guess I must be fucked in the head or something. I do that, too–but it’s more to protect my car from dings. I can’t believe one used to be able to purchase such things as this ridiculous ticket. Truly some people have too much time on their hands… ---
**Author:** ![UncleNito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7cd45c/32.png) [@UncleNito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleNito)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/30 "2009-09-17T12:23:03Z")
**St. Anger** , I gotta ask: Do your truck have one of those chrome-plated fake scroti hanging from the trailer hitch? You sorta sound like the type. “Don’t make eye contact with my truck?” Seriously? I’m sure your penis is larger than that of whoever left the note, now GTFOI. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/31 "2009-09-17T12:24:26Z")
Parking lot rage. It isn’t pretty. Maybe you should have plowed your “monster truck” into all nearby vehicles to get revenge. One of them likely was driven by the note-writer. Only once do I recall leaving a note on another car’s windshield to vent at their lack of parking skills. In that case it was an idiot in a Caddy who slid in so close to my driver’s side that I had to open the trunk and clamber over two sets of seats to get to the wheel (there was a wall blocking me on the other side). I rejoice now in the probability that he probably was steamed and babbling long afterward about the injustice of being singled out. Although more probably he was an aged fart who couldn’t even read my note. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/32 "2009-09-17T12:26:01Z")
> [@St.Anger](#): > > You are right, I guess I am maybe a little passive aggressive, I will admit. So, if you like, could go and, I don’t know, maybe fuck yourself, or something, that would be great, okay? Okay, hey good talking to you then. I believe that **Sitnam** is trying to convey that you appear to not know what “passive aggressive” means. You are misusing the phrase. You might want to [look it up](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior). **kaylasdad99** - Brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![MJinks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@MJinks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MJinks)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/33 "2009-09-17T12:37:13Z")
I’m a car park attendant and we don’t give tickets for inconsiderate parking but if damage is done to your car we’re not liable and I didn’t see it… ---
**Author:** ![Walker\_in\_Eternity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/46a35a/32.png) [@Walker\_in\_Eternity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walker_in_Eternity)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/34 "2009-09-17T12:40:28Z")
> [@St.Anger](#): > > Yes, because you are a little passive aggressive, angry worm, who thinks writing little "tickets’ will show ME. Fuck you. How long did you wait before I went in to the store and the coast was clear before you wrote your little ticket? Did you cower in your little Civic or Smartcar or beat up old Tercel, waiting for me to go into the store, and making sure I was in there long enough before you knew the coast was clear enough for to slither over to my truck, put on the ticket, look both ways, then scamper back to your clunker? What a pathetic wus. No character, no backbone. How do you sleep at night going through life this way? Hey, don’t lump all owners of Smartcars in with this weasel.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/35 "2009-09-17T12:42:55Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I don’t see where he was inconsiderate. If he’s parked further away than the rest of the cars, in a half empty parking lot, it really doesn’t make a damn bit of difference if he takes up 1, 2 or 4 parking spots. Nobody has to park further away than they want to, and nobody is going to be denied a parking spot. I agree with this. Other than the holiday season, many parking lots have lots of empty spaces. Righteous pricks like the ticket writer get under my skin too and I, also, would fantasize about bending him/her in half the wrong way. Might even say it, or bitch about it on a message board. And here, like always, someone would take my screed about introducing the back of someone’s skull to their own heels as statement of fact. ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/36 "2009-09-17T12:44:32Z")
It seems strange to me that anyone would be handing out tickets in a store parking lot. I do have to say, however, that if getting a (seemingly pointless) ticket sets someone off like this, I don’t want to know what happens when something, ya know, serious happens. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/37 "2009-09-17T12:46:12Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Bud Light presents: Real Men of Genius > > … Well done! I’m now going to add “America’s vast retail prairie” to my mental database of fun phrases. I can damn near visualize the sheeple grazing. ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/38 "2009-09-17T12:52:44Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > It’s pretty close. The only cite I could find was from Wiki-Answers and they say parking spaces range from 19-26 feet, with 20 being the most common. A Ford F150 ranges from about 17-20 feet depending on the model. He should have done a better parking job, but his math here is pretty good. 🙂 Whoever answered that question obviously doesn’t live around here. I have a Toyota Tundra Double Cab and in most of the angle spaces around here, I have to pull over the line a bit to keep the bed from half blocking the driving lane behind me. In the few instances where I don’t go to the back of the lot, I’ll find a Prius or something that hasn’t pulled up to the line and take some of his space. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/39 "2009-09-17T12:56:11Z")
> [@St.Anger](#): > > 1. You my friend are a PUSSY (or if you are woman, a cowardly cunt). “You my friend are a VAGINA (or if you are woman, a cowardly vagina).” Nice. ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397/40 "2009-09-17T13:00:13Z")
> [@St.Anger](#): > > You are right, I guess I am maybe a little passive aggressive, I will admit. So, if you like, could go and, I don’t know, maybe fuck yourself, or something, that would be great, okay? Okay, hey good talking to you then. Reminder: [QUOTE=Restricted language in the Pit ] The following expressions should not be directed at other posters. * * * fuck you and variants, e.g., go fuck yourself, fuck off and die [/QUOTE] > **[Restricted language in the Pit](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=508858)** > > The following expressions should not be directed at other posters. cunt and variants, e.g., cuntlapper motherfucker cocksucker fuck you and variants, e.g., go fuck yourself, fuck off and die suck/lick my dick/cock and variants Expressions not... Please avoid this in the future. No warning issued. \*\* Gfactor\*\* Pit Moderator [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-off-and-die-do-it-yourself-parking-ticket-writer/510397.md?page=3)