# Fuck the "Newhart" Finale. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 30, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263 "2010-05-30T04:19:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/1 "2010-05-30T04:19:55Z")
Yep, I said it. Fuck the finale of _Newhart_, fuck it right in the goddamn ear. I’m so sick of it showing up in threads like this one [Most perfect series ending - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=564505) while everyone stands around circle-jerking and moaning about how awesome it was. Christ, it only took ONE reply in that thread before somebody mentioned _Newhart_. It wasn’t that fucking great! You know what was better than the _Newhart_ ending? The _Cheers_ finale. You know what was better than both of those? _The Wonder Years_ finale. Hell, the last episode of fucking _Blackadder Goes Forth_ was better than the _Newhart_ finale. Fuck all you _Newhart_ finale fanboys and fangirls and your over-hyped shitty final epsiode! ---
**Author:** ![toofs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@toofs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toofs)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/2 "2010-05-30T04:26:29Z")
Fuckin’ aye right. Newhart can eat a dick. I seriously don’t see all the hype over that finale with so many better series endings out there. MASH, anyone? There. I said it. ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/3 "2010-05-30T04:26:35Z")
Now I don’t feel so bad about my rant against “American” cheese. ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/4 "2010-05-30T04:31:43Z")
> [@toofs](#): > > MASH, anyone? Now _that_ was a moving ending, right there. ---
**Author:** ![toofs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@toofs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toofs)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/5 "2010-05-30T04:35:16Z")
Goddam right, mofo. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/6 "2010-05-30T04:38:48Z")
Geez, next you’ll start tearing down the Thanksgiving episode of WKRP. Or the Globetrotter episode of Gilligan’s Island. Or the Sermon on the Mount. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/7 "2010-05-30T04:39:35Z")
> [@statsman1982](#): > > Now I don’t feel so bad about my rant against “American” cheese. No, the quotes should be around “cheese,” not “American.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/8 "2010-05-30T05:02:09Z")
Well, screw you guys. I watched it, and I didn’t know what was going to happen until it went dark and I thought that was how they did it on the Bob Newhart show, and it was cute surprise and then a mean little existential twist about how our fondest dreams might just be having et sumtin that didn’t sit well. It was clever. But it wasn’t The Shield, or MASH or The Sopranos. ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/9 "2010-05-30T05:04:07Z")
Hey, don’t get me wrong: it was a great finale. It just wasn’t _the_ greatest. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/10 "2010-05-30T05:12:49Z")
The MASH ending wasn’t that great. Then again, the MASH series wasn’t all that great, either, madly caroming as it did between sanctimonious and juvenile. I’m prepared to buy that it was groundbreaking, but jeez… ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_Clock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Shot\_Clock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_Clock)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/11 "2010-05-30T05:31:25Z")
[Quote=kidneyfailure] Fuck the finale of Newhart, fuck it right in the goddamn ear. [/quote] > [@kidneyfailure](#): > > Hey, don’t get me wrong: it was a great finale. It just wasn’t _the_ greatest. Way to dial it back! You doing your Rand Paul impression? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/12 "2010-05-30T05:37:20Z")
> [@Shot\_Clock](#): > > Way to dial it back! You doing your Rand Paul impression? 😃 I’m thinking Opus the penguin. “Well, maybe not that bad, but Lord, it wasn’t good”. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/13 "2010-05-30T05:40:50Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > The MASH ending wasn’t that great. Then again, the MASH series wasn’t all that great, either, madly caroming as it did between sanctimonious and juvenile. I’m prepared to buy that it was groundbreaking, but jeez… This! God Yes! So overrated in the later years. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/14 "2010-05-30T05:56:43Z")
> [@kidneyfailure](#): > > Yep, I said it. Fuck the finale of _Newhart_, fuck it right in the goddamn ear. I’m so sick of it showing up in threads like this one [Most perfect series ending - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=564505) while everyone stands around circle-jerking and moaning about how awesome it was. Christ, it only took ONE reply in that thread before somebody mentioned _Newhart_. It wasn’t that fucking great! > > You know what was better than the _Newhart_ ending? The _Cheers_ finale. You know what was better than both of those? _The Wonder Years_ finale. Hell, the last episode of fucking _Blackadder Goes Forth_ was better than the _Newhart_ finale. Fuck all you _Newhart_ finale fanboys and fangirls and your over-hyped shitty final epsiode! Bullshit. It was the bestest finale EVAR, and when I’m Emperor of the Universe my first decree shall be that all endeavors, upon their completion, must include a variation of Bob Hartley waking up in his bed and telling his wife Emily that he had just had the weirdest dream. EVERY endeavor. If you can imagine the SDMB ever closing up shop, the final post on the last thread will be a description of Bob Hartley waking up, confused and disoriented, in Chicago. The final issue of Vanity Fair magazine, when published, will have the scene played out in the last article. When Sixty Minutes airs its final broadcast, Bob will wake Emily, and tell her about the strange man with the quirky little observations on our modern world. When the heat death of the Universe is imminent, I shall arrange that the very components of the cosmos, with their dying bursts of energy, shall present the scene to a non-existent observer stationed at the location where the Big Bang originated. ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/15 "2010-05-30T05:56:45Z")
> [@Shot\_Clock](#): > > Way to dial it back! You doing your Rand Paul impression? 😃 Perhaps what I really meant was: “Fuck the _Newhart_ finale’s bullshit level of hype, not the actual episode itself.” ETA: Well, no…I did call it “shitty,” too. Hmm, this is an odd predicament. Alright, well, in that case I rescind the “don’t get me wrong” comment and go back on record with the complete text of my OP. Fuck you, Newhart! ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/16 "2010-05-30T06:00:15Z")
Seriously, how many MASH episodes featured Hawkeye developing acute but temporary psychological problems? I recall at least three: [ul][li]He develops crippling back pain when he learns a doctor back home is successful, and Hawkeye always thought the guy was mediocre.[/li][li]He starts sleepwalking and having nightmares about his childhood.[/li][li]He start suffering flu-like symptoms stemming from a repressed memory of a childhood near-drowning.[/ul][/li]And then chickens and babies… show some originality already! ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/17 "2010-05-30T06:21:24Z")
> [@kidneyfailure](#): > > I’m so sick of it showing up in threads like this one [Most perfect series ending - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=564505) while everyone stands around circle-jerking and moaning about how awesome it was. So you started a thread for people to stand around circle-jerking how shitty it was. I’m not exactly sure how that’s supposed to be an improvement. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/18 "2010-05-30T08:10:40Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > Seriously, how many MASH episodes featured Hawkeye developing acute but temporary psychological problems? I recall at least three: > [ul][li]He develops crippling back pain when he learns a doctor back home is successful, and Hawkeye always thought the guy was mediocre.[/li][li]He starts sleepwalking and having nightmares about his childhood.[/li][li]He start suffering flu-like symptoms stemming from a repressed memory of a childhood near-drowning.[/ul][/li]And then chickens and babies… show some originality already! Hawkeye was insane. That was kind of the point of the show. The only rationale response anybody could make to war was to be or become insane. He was a cruel, Don Juan, sanctimonious, narcissist. Same as Frank Burns, but an athiest, competent and not so extreme. Our choice in an insane universe is to be Hawkeye or Frank. ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/19 "2010-05-30T08:16:13Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > So you started a thread for people to stand around circle-jerking how shitty it was. username/post combination FTW? ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263/20 "2010-05-30T16:55:58Z")
Put me in that big circle jerk for the best finale ever. Newhart rules. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-the-newhart-finale/541263.md?page=2)