# FUCK those "studio"-sized restroom stalls (Warning: TMI!) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 28, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637 "2005-03-28T18:30:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Master\_Sparky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@Master\_Sparky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Sparky)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/1 "2005-03-28T18:30:11Z")
This past weekend, I was at the local Dick’s Sporting Goods, enjoying a leisurely stroll around the store. It was at the sight of a very nice gaming table that my bowels spoke up. “Hey, Master Sparky, order up!” they yelled. Okay, no problem, Dick’s Sporting Goods knows and understands that the call of nature could arise at any time, hence their availability of a restroom. So I asked the first employee I found, a friendly gentleman who looked young enough that he’d be back in home room this morning, where I might find the restroom. I hated to interrupt his killing time by putting golf balls around on their fake green, but he politely pointed toward the other end of the store – up front, near the fitness equipment. By now, my bowels were speaking again. “Yo, Sparky, we said ORDER UP!” I gritted my teeth, clenched my ass cheeks, and mentally muttered back, “I heard you – hold on, for God’s sake, I’m going, I’m going!” My walk became brisk, and before long I saw the blessed “RESTROOMS” emblazoned over a section of the wall in the distance. Soon, I would have my relief. “Hey, Sparky, fire in the hole!” yelled my bowels. God, no, not yet! Now I’m trotting, almost breaking into a jog, as I weave around free weights and bicycle tubes in my quest for the porcelain. I fly through the first door – luckily it does say “MEN” – and enter the tiled stillness of a Dick’s Sporting Goods restroom. I scan quickly and see they have 1 suite and 1 single. Yes, I apply apartment terms to restroom stalls. I always opt for the suite – a very large, roomy stall that’s made for the handicapped. I can’t help it – I’m a larger guy, and I need the space. I also like the feel of the cold steel “armrests” as I do my business. The door is partially open, so I’m feeling optimistic. Yes – it’s vacant! I close the door, slide the lock, rip off my jacket, drop my pants, and reach for the toilet paper to wipe stray urine off the seat left by an errant pisser. And with bowels now rumbling – I’m fully dilated at this point – I see there’s no toilet paper. Up come the pants. I grab my jacket and hop next door to the single. Make that a studio. Like most fucking stalls, the door opens inward, so I have to practically stand in the bowl to have enough room to close the door. I reach down – paper, yes! – rip off a swatch and hastily wipe the seat. My elbows are hitting the fucking sides of the stall, but I don’t care, I’ve gotta go – the baby’s coming, whether I’m ready or not – and so I start to plop down onto the seat. I’ve absolutely no room for my right leg. The mammoth toilet paper dispenser takes up the entire right side of the stall. I’m in a half-squat, my legs at a 45-degree angle, and in full labor. “Oh my God,” my mind screams, “What to do? What to d–” Too late. I begin shitting uncontrollably. There’s plops, reassuring me that some of my aim is true. But there’s also splats. And that’s not good. I twist to the side and look down. Sure enough, I’ve carpet-bombed the entire left side of the seat. It’s about this time that I realize I’m pissing uncontrollably as well, and I’m streaming all over the place – the door, the right wall of the stall. Now I really I’m in danger of soaking the precious toilet paper machine. Half of me wants to piss all over it, for it’s the main reason my crap missed 50% of the toilet. But the other half wants the paper dry, and so I force off the stream and reach for the paper. No paper. There was just enough for me to use to wipe off the lid (and a lot of good that did me). Now I’m half-crouching/half-standing in the stall, which is half-dripping with piss, above a toilet half-covered in shit. And there’s no paper in the entire fucking restroom. I wonder what I’ve done to earn this. I can’t think of anything. As I begin to panic, I see a sanitary paper dispenser on the wall above the toilet. Technically, I suppose it’s paper, but it more resembles the wax variety. At this point, though, I’ve no choice. If you’ve never wiped your ass with toilet seat coverings, trust me – you’re not missing a thing. Despite my seething anger at Dick’s Sporting Goods and the demented fucks who architected the damn building, I even cleaned off the toilet (that took another 7 or 8 sanitary covers, not to mention a lot of will-power and gag-stifling). I went to the sink, half-expecting no soap – or no water – and thankfully received both. But as a final “fuck you,” there were no paper towels in the dispenser. I staggered from the bathroom, disheveled and with dripping hands, and decided I’d had enough of Dick’s and their Sporting Goods for one day. And I know that, should I ever decide to return to that store, I’ll make sure I take a dump prior to going in. I don’t care if I have to strain until I burst a forehead vein just to produce a popcorn fart – I’m going at home before I step inside the doors of that store again. ---
**Author:** ![Dancer\_Flight](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dancer_flight/32/7601_2.png) [@Dancer\_Flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dancer_Flight)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/2 "2005-03-28T18:39:56Z")
Dear Og Man!, You forgot the TMI warning! -DF ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/3 "2005-03-28T18:45:35Z")
I may not know Dick, but Dick apparently doesn’t know squat. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/4 "2005-03-28T18:45:52Z")
ooOOooo, welcom eto the world that us wimmins put up with… add - Who in the flying fuck determined the best placement for the whonking huge toilet paper dispensers makes you crouch down near the floor to unroll the paper? and why in the name of jeebus do they always choose the cheapest paper that wont u nroll without tearing, and seems to have no perfs at all so you tear at a random point? Then, they have the temerity to post those inspection signoff sheets that say that they have _really_ checked and cleaned the place 10 minutes befoer…and you have to wade through a morass of torn paper bits, water and other squelchy things to find no toilet paper, no paper towels, no soap… GRRRRR… I carry a packet each of wet wipes for bums, and the ‘emergency’ toilet paper minirolls in my purse…and a hotel shampoo minibottle of soap just in case. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/5 "2005-03-28T18:53:28Z")
True Story: In about 1990, I was working for a real estate developer that was managing construction of a tower in the loop. At a construction meeting at which representatives of the anchor tenant’s upper management were present, the subject of bathroom stalls on the “Executive” floor came up. One of the primo big shots announced to the tenant contracator/designer that they should pay special attention to the width of the stalls, and that they might need to revisit plans and see what the architect spec’d for those. Many befuddled looks around the table. Mr. Primo Big Shot elaborated, by simply pulling the WSJ out of his briefcase, opening it full-panel, and instructing someone to measure the “span” necessary to hold the paper like that. His construction manager responded by measuring, then taking the paper from Mr. PBS, folding it, and handing it back, asking if it was easier to read that way. A couple of us spit coffee, one person as I recall couldn’t enter the meeting room for several minutes without convulsing in laughter again. And I’ll be fucked if those stalls weren’t wide enough to drive an SUV into when all was said and done. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/6 "2005-03-28T18:58:38Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > I may not know Dick, but Dick apparently doesn’t know squat. Good thing he took the time to wipe the shit off Dick. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/7 "2005-03-28T19:00:56Z")
There’s this place in San Francisco- The Connecticut Yankee for the locals- which had a horrible potty setup. The toilet is against the left wall, and the monstrous TP dispenser is located about a foot above the seat, and a foot in front of the tank. Imagine trying to get into a Mini Cooper (not the American ones, the old-school ones that Mr. Bean drives) with the seat pulled all the way up. That’s what trying to crap there is like. And considering they specialize in beer and pub food, you really have to wonder what they were thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/8 "2005-03-28T19:02:46Z")
I second the request for TMI warnings! Dear Og! ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/9 "2005-03-28T19:04:16Z")
Very well written, I enjoyed the story! ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Sparky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@Master\_Sparky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Sparky)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/10 "2005-03-28T19:04:52Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Who in the flying fuck determined the best placement for the whonking huge toilet paper dispensers makes you crouch down near the floor to unroll the paper? My guess is anorexic dwarves with a penchant for mischief. Little bastards must really yuk it up as they imagine people trying to contort themselves onto the shitter without breaking a bone or pulling a muscle. In a way, I’m glad I _didn’t_ make it fully onto the crapper. If I had, they would have been calling the rescue squad for the Jaws of Life to get me out of there. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/11 "2005-03-28T19:09:13Z")
The people on either side of me at the library must think I’m having a fit, after reading the OP and trying to hold in the laughter! ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/12 "2005-03-28T19:16:01Z")
Toilet paper dispensers around here are one thing. For those of us women of _ahem_ generous hippage _ahem_ – there’s also the damn sanitary napkin/tampon disposal bins. They’re fairly narrow and tall, designed to fit between the bowl and the side of the stall. Doesn’t allow much room for maneuvre, though. I’m just glad they slide out. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/13 "2005-03-28T19:17:09Z")
**Master Sparky** : I point you in the direction of “Crapper’s Quarterly”. You should add your experience to their archives. ---
**Author:** ![Dazzling\_White\_Diamonds](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/41988e/32.png) [@Dazzling\_White\_Diamonds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dazzling_White_Diamonds)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/14 "2005-03-28T20:52:38Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > The people on either side of me at the library must think I’m having a fit, after reading the OP and trying to hold in the laughter! **Baker** , sweetie… you should be where I’m at. I laughed hysterically when I read this, and the poor guy who sits kitty-corner behind me, well… all he could say was, “I’m SO glad I could make you laugh!” **Sparky** , you knows I loves ya, right? 😃 You made me wait for the story, so what’d you expect? Sympathy?! ---
**Author:** ![Albatross\_On\_A\_Stick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@Albatross\_On\_A\_Stick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albatross_On_A_Stick)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/15 "2005-03-28T21:12:03Z")
It’s so true about the tampon bins and fat chicks (like myself). Those things really dig into my side/Suffocate me in a Claustraphobic Grip Of Death, I almost always have to move 'em to the front of the stall. Most toilet cubicles are just too narrow. First time I knew I was losing weight on my diet was when I could use a public toilet without being crushed by the tampon bins of Doom. It still occasionly happens though. Give us wider cubicles dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/16 "2005-03-28T21:48:19Z")
> [@Albatross On A Stick](#): > > It’s so true about the tampon bins and fat chicks (like myself). Those things really dig into my side/Suffocate me in a Claustraphobic Grip Of Death, I almost always have to move 'em to the front of the stall. Most toilet cubicles are just too narrow. First time I knew I was losing weight on my diet was when I could use a public toilet without being crushed by the tampon bins of Doom. It still occasionly happens though. Give us wider cubicles dammit! Back in July, two bad weight-related things happened to me to inspire me to lose weight finally. One of them was sitting down in a public restroom and cutting my upper, outer thigh on the sharp edge of a tampon/santitary trash holder. 50 lbs later, it’s not an issue anymore! ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2005, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/17 "2005-03-29T23:43:24Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Then, they have the temerity to post those inspection signoff sheets that say that they have _really_ checked and cleaned the place 10 minutes befoer…and you have to wade through a morass of torn paper bits, water and other squelchy things to find no toilet paper, no paper towels, no soap… True story: at a Costco several years ago, I found the men’s room bereft of toilet paper in either stall. Not being in as urgent a state as the OP, but absolutely furious at the liar who initialed that “We check the supplies every hour,” I went in search of the manager and demanded to see “RJB,” the person whose initials were on the sheet as having checked the room last. I believe that encounter was the last time that good ol’ RJB would make the decision to scribble his initials without actually checking and replacing supplies. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2005, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/18 "2005-03-29T23:59:15Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > True story: at a Costco several years ago, I found the men’s room bereft of toilet paper in either stall. Not being in as urgent a state as the OP, but absolutely furious at the liar who initialed that “We check the supplies every hour,” I went in search of the manager and demanded to see “RJB,” the person whose initials were on the sheet as having checked the room last. > > I believe that encounter was the last time that good ol’ RJB would make the decision to scribble his initials without actually checking and replacing supplies. \*\*\*Bricker \* \*\* sharing (semi) poop stories? :eek: What is this world coming to? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/19 "2005-03-30T01:04:19Z")
> [@](#): > > If you’ve never wiped your ass with toilet seat coverings, trust me – you’re not missing a thing. Unused pages from my agenda. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2005, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637/20 "2005-03-30T01:49:52Z")
I especially appreciate these tiny size of bathroom stalls when I am waiting for a flight at the airport. To the sounds of “In the interest of aviation security, please keep control of you luggage at all times”, try getting yourself, your winter coat, and your carryone bags into one. Duh, people. Even 2 inches would be nice. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-those-studio-sized-restroom-stalls-warning-tmi/296637.md?page=2)