I think people are bringing up some really interesting points here. We’ve got the dictionary definition, okay, but what about the colloquial use? CanvasShoes is right- many people use “tolerate” to mean “politely make an exception for”. I do it myself; there are plenty of things in life I don’t particularly care for, but I ‘tolerate’ them. Often I ‘tolerate’ other people’s presence or opinions- I don’t like them or agree with them, but I make an exception in the interests of preserving group unity and social harmony.
But I agree with pizzabrat and matt_mcl: “tolerating” in the colloquial sense isn’t really enough. At least, I don’t think so. Especially not where fundamental things about other people are concerned: sexuality, religious beliefs, and the like. It’s not enough to say that differences are “tolerated”. It’s like saying, “We’re not happy with it, but since the law forbids us from killing these people, we’ll just look the other way.” ‘Tolerance’ implies, insidiously, a sort of inferiority; a forced allowance to exist of certain things which are thought to be outside of normal practice. I don’t like this at all. It sets up a false dichotomy between ‘normal’ and, uh…‘not normal’, I guess. (Subnormal? Abnormal? I’m thinking we need to invent some new words here.)
I’m not quite sure where I’m headed with this- it’s difficult for me to organize my thoughts on a topic that is so much a part of everyday existence. I try hard to give everyone a fair shake, and although it’s not something to be proud of, judging others seems to be a huge part of being human. I’m convinced it has something to do with our lingering obedience to the ape hierarchy. It’s so deep down in us that only evolution will get rid of it. I’m reminded of a quote from Robert Heinlein’s The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress: “Must be a yearning deep in human heart to stop other people from doing as they please. Rules, laws- always for other fellow. A murky part of us, something we had before we came down out of trees and failed to shuck when we stood up. Because not one of those people said: ‘Please pass this so that I won’t be able to do something I know I should stop’. Nyet, tovarishchee, was always something they hated to see neighbors doing. Stop them for their own good- not because speaker claimed to be harmed by it.”
I think this is a big part of the whole ‘tolerance’ debate. If we personally would not do something, no matter what it is, from eating peas to worshipping a Goddess to making love, we feel that no one else should do it either. And it’s sad, really, beyond the anger and the rage that such behavior causes, it’s sad that a species like ours can’t even live with itself. No, I don’t like this word, ‘tolerance’- it means too many things, too many of them negative.
But there’s also something to be said for RexDart’s social minimalism. As individuals, we are very, very small. The world is a giant place, filled with more people and things than we can ever really grasp. No one is owed anything, nothing is guaranteed, and no matter what we feel should be the case, the world is a certain way. Hmm. This is hard. I don’t feel that anyone deserves any special treatment, but I don’t think anyone here is asking for that. I think people just want recognition, and respect- nothing fancy, just the basics, the sort of well-mannered “stranger on the street” respect that most of us were raised with but most of us forget in our worse moments. And I think we all need a sense of perspective. We need to get our prioroties in order. Not to get all bleeding-heart, but terrible things are happening all the time everywhere, things like war and poverty and hunger and domestic violence, plane crashes, disease, genocide, and a massive and ever-growing sense of deep personal dissatisfaction. Bad-crazy fucked-up shit is going down everywhere you look, most of it preventable, and there are still people who get their collective panties in a big self-righteous wad whenever they see two people of the same gender holding hands and kissing? I will never understand my fellow man.
