# Fuck you, asparagus boy! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 22, 2020, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319 "2020-05-22T23:50:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2020, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/41 "2020-05-24T15:17:39Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Yogurt gets a bit more sour with age. I don’t think it really goes bad, though. Yogurt is _already_ spoiled. That’s what makes it yogurt.😃 ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2020, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/42 "2020-05-24T15:39:41Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > I was shopping the other day, and the store had a good special on steak, so I thought I’d pick one up. But I’m at a point in my life where I can’t eat even a medium sized steak in one sitting, so I tend to buy the smallest one available. But of course, the store has stacked the packages in such a manner that you can’t see the relative sizes without picking up _every single one_, even though there was room enough in the display to lay them out is a manner so you could at least see the price label on each. So there I am, trying to decide, do I paw through them all like an asshole, or just buy the one on top, knowing that I’m probably going to waste half the steak? I know the answer to this one! You put your hand inside the butcher dept plastic bag that you’re going to use to keep the steak package from leaking all over your groceries, and use that to shield your hand germs while you paw through the packages. This is how I pick out my produce. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2020, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/43 "2020-05-24T15:41:19Z")
Yogurt can get moldy, but it takes awhile. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2020, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/44 "2020-05-24T18:41:00Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > I’m not such a great fan of leftovers in general, and left over steak in particular. That’s part of why I go with the smallest steak. I’ve been known to pass them up entirely because all the ones available are too big for me. > > Plus, with all the problems with supply, I figure it’s the socially responsible thing to leave the larger steaks for those who actually _want_ the larger ones. Reducing waste at each stage of the process is probably a good idea. What I’ll probably do is cut some of the steak off before cooking, and freeze it for making a stew later on. > > But that guy who wanted a huge steak for his weekend BBQ is probably slightly unhappy now. If it’s a lot too big, you can just cut it in half, and freeze to rest to cook later as another small steak, of course. I don’t think there’s anything unresponsible about that. I, too, look for steaks that are a convenient size, but usually the steaks of a given type aren’t all that different, in my experience. In better days, I, too, have pawed through all the steaks to pick the one that looked best, though. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2020, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/45 "2020-05-24T20:23:13Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > IBut of course, the store has stacked the packages in such a manner that you can’t see the relative sizes without picking up _every single one_, even though there was room enough in the display to lay them out is a manner so you could at least see the price label on each. Even if the store DID arrange them neatly I can guarantee within a half an hour chaos would reign simply because everything gets picked over, especially these days. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2020, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/46 "2020-05-24T23:26:22Z")
With respect to asparagus boy, selecting a proper asparagus spear is not a random event. Look for slender, pencil size spears, no cigars. Observe the tops. Tight and green. Maybe the asparagus boy was “milking it”, or maybe the OP was impatient? I will wait for the video to decide. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2020, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/47 "2020-05-24T23:27:48Z")
Get a large steak and freeze half of it. And yogurt is still good, WAY past the exp date. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2020, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/48 "2020-05-25T00:06:00Z")
When Asparagus Boy meets Avocado Guy, they annihilate each other. I always strive to be a [Good Do Bee](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtI1t_3wWLM). I’m a good Do Bee Dad, a good Do Bee Dude and a good Do Bee Doper. I’m also a good Do Bee Shopper. As a good Do Bee Shopper, I’m always courteous to grocery store clerks and fellow shoppers. _Don’t_ Bee’s don’t keep social distance. Don’t Bee’s don’t wear masks. Don’t Bee’s don’t keep their dirty mitts off the fresh produce. Don’t Bee’s are dicks. Being a good Do Bee isn’t easy. Why, just yesterday at the grocery store, after scanning the produce bin for an attractive avocado with which to make fresh guacamole to go in my vegan (yes, we’re Animal Do Bee’s…well, my kids are. I’m an unrepentant obligate carnivore like our cats) faux pork carnitas for Tuesday Tex-Mex Fiesta Nite. I grabbed a good one and placed it in my cart. …but, then I saw a \*more \*attractive avocado, bigger; riper and less blemished than the one in my cart. I wanted that avocado. I wanted it bad. I stared at it longingly. I may have even drooled a little bit. But, did I return my tainted avocado back to the bin and snatch the prized Aphrodite Avocado? No, I did not. Why? Because I’m a good Do Bee Shopper. I’m a good Do Bee for purely altruistic reasons. And, it makes me feel superior to all the dregs of society (which is almost everyone else). Of course, being a perpetually good Do Bee is exhausting, so at the end of the day, I relax by stoking up a good doobie. …hookers and blow help, too. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2020, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/49 "2020-05-25T02:11:56Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I wonder whether Asparagus Boy is related to String Bean Lady whom I’ve encountered. Filling her bag with string beans, one at a time, inspecting each bean, and putting all the rejects in an ever-growing pile. She was there for a good 15 minutes, while I patiently waited for her to individually inspect each goddamn string bean. Then she turned to me and mumbled some comment about my “attitude.” > > I didn’t even want any string beans (I don’t care for them), but she was blocking the eggplants. I had politely asked her to move, but she pretended not to hear me. Or is related to broccoli floret lady, who was stealthily tearing florets off the cheaper whole broccoli under the guise of careful examination of same. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2020, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/50 "2020-05-25T17:03:56Z")
> [@harmonicamoon](#): > > With respect to asparagus boy, selecting a proper asparagus spear is not a random event. > > Look for slender, pencil size spears, no cigars. Observe the tops. Tight and green. Hijack: Tight and green tips, yes. But asparagus is an exception to the rule that thin produce is more tender. For beans, say, thick pods may mean the beans are older and getting tough (though the right size depends on type of beans.) Asparagus comes out of the ground the full diameter that it’s going to be, and just goes up from there; eventually the tips branch out, at which point it’ll be tough. But fatter spears are from more vigorous plants, and are actually more likely to be tender than skinny spears. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2020, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319/51 "2020-05-25T20:56:28Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#): > > Or is related to broccoli floret lady, who was stealthily tearing florets off the cheaper whole broccoli under the guise of careful examination of same. Huh? Was she then shoplifting the florets? How’d the clerk weigh a bunch of loose florets and not notice? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-asparagus-boy/854319.md?page=2)