# Fuck you Dopers and your Fucking Screen Names **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 25, 2001, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053 "2001-08-25T04:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2001, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/61 "2001-08-25T23:18:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > \*\* > Hey, why do you all have to make up weird names anyway? Why not use your real name like me. DIANE. D-I-A-N-E. DIANE. See? No confusion at drunken Dopefests when trying to match up usernames to real names. Makin’ my head spin already. > \*\* And WHAT exactly is wrong with **Weird** names, anyway, hmmmm? _Crosses arms, taps foot and glares at Beulah_ FWIW, I agree with the rest of your post. Dave is my name, weird is my state. If my parent’s had know me better when I was born, I am sure they would have just gone ahead and named me Weirddave from the get go. “Weirddave: It’s not just a user name, it’s a state of being” ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/62 "2001-08-26T00:04:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Atreyu \* > > \*\*So, who gets “A”? > \*\* Dibs. Hey, I don’t see anyone else popping in here and calling dibs! \*\* [/QUOTE] Nope, nope, nope. I had an “A” name nefore you changed yours. So, 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sterra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Sterra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterra)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/63 "2001-08-26T00:45:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Now…Chronos, CK Dexter Haven, or Coldfire? Hmmm, easy choice, obvious, I won’t even bother with naming the obvious winner. Yeah obviously Dexter would wipe the other two out with his pinky finger. The only names I ever got confused were jarbabyj and jayjay. For a while I just considered them one person. ---
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/64 "2001-08-26T02:21:51Z")
I take a brief break from the boards, what with getting married and all, and when I come back a few short months later, I can’t recognize anyone! I’ve figured out **Spoofe** and **Stoid** simply because they at least had the consideration to change to something similar to their old s/ns. But who the hell is Michi now? And Omni? And…and…a whole bunch of other people that I can’t recall off the top of my head, what with them disappearing and all. [sub]of course, I changed my name from LauraRae to Ruffian, but that was 2 years ago…so it’s okay, right?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/65 "2001-08-26T03:45:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lemur866 \* > \*\*I am sick of the name changing. People who change names should be beaten with burlap bags filled with armadillos. > > I am also sick of people who have similar screen names. People with similar screen names should be beaten with leather rucksacks filled with billiard balls. \*\* Poor Lemur866. I know as a proud prosimian you shun pity but in this case you deserve a hearty mugful. What an embarrassing rant! Pointless and almost troll like in it’s pathetic attempt to tease out indignation from the teeming masses (well at least the non-gruntled Pit dwelling ones). Anyway, the one saving grace of this belly flop is the image of people being beaten with a bag full of armadillos. The mechanics of this operation from an interesting mental picture of the assailant laboring to heft an 80 lb bag of wildly scuttling 'dillos and trying to whip up enough momentum for the swinging bag to be an effective weapon. I think I would rather be hit by the 'dillo bag 10 times than be the one winding it up. The risks of major bruising and a minor possibility of contracting leprosy on the receiving end are contrasted with the almost certain chance of tendon and ligament damage, muscle tears and possible heart attacks on the attacking end. A most amusing image! Here’s a grub for you. ---
**Author:** ![LaToyota\_Corolla\_Falana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e9c0ed/32.png) [@LaToyota\_Corolla\_Falana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LaToyota_Corolla_Falana)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/66 "2001-08-26T06:49:31Z")
No S in my name. Too many O’s however. It kills me. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/67 "2001-08-26T08:13:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh I dunno, thought he might see the name “POOFE” and be reminded of his piggy girly friend. I don’t _ **want** _ to remind him of his piggy girly friend!! Men with multi-thousand-mile-long penises scare me… ---
**Author:** ![Jorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@Jorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jorge)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/68 "2001-08-26T08:28:57Z")
I’m now contemplating changing mine to **LemurAlone!**. ---
**Author:** ![Akatsukami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea666f/32.png) [@Akatsukami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akatsukami)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/69 "2001-08-26T13:59:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lemur866 \* > **(lame-o rant by someone whose alias means either “unclean spirit of the dead” or “incredibly stupid primate without the balls to evolve into a monkey” deleted)** Excuse me, moderator(s)? I propose a new Pit rule; that no one who is immaterial yet less evolved than _Homo habilis_ should be allowed to start a thread. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/70 "2001-08-26T16:43:49Z")
OK, I propose a replacement for the “one doper per letter” rule. Perhaps it would be easier to follow the guidelines of WWII movies, or the smurfs, or the Spice Girls. Every doper should have one and only one personality trait, and no dopers can share a personality trait. So one person gets to be the jewish kid from brooklyn, the other the farmboy, and another the irish tough. This will make it much easier for us to keep track of you all. Now, I admit it will be tough to shed all those other extraneous triaits but it’s really for the best. So Scylla gets to be the guy who hates groundhogs, but he has to stop mentioning writing. Anthracite gets to be the coal expert, but has to ditch the lesbianism. Coldfire is Dutch, so he has to get rid of…well, whatever other personality traits he might have in addition to being Dutch. I’m sorry that only one person from each foreign country can be represented, but them’s the rules. Otherwise it would just be waaaaay to confusing to have more than one French person. But remember, in order to qualify for “the Dutch one” you must exhibit stereotypical Dutch behavior at all times. I imagine that there will be stiff competition to be “The Jewish one”, but that’s nothing compared to the fight over who gets to be “The one who’s a woman”. More than one woman on SDMB would be confusing. ---
**Author:** ![hampster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/53a042/32.png) [@hampster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hampster)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/71 "2001-08-26T17:05:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lemur866 \* > \*\* > > Oh, and by the way. All you “S” dopers out there? I can’t keep track of who’s who. Sofa King, SPOOFE, SuaSponte, spooge, Sam Stone, and a bunch of others that I can’t remember because they all look alike to me. It’s all a blur. Would it kill you guys to ditch the “S” names? I can’t take much more of this. \*\* I did it for ya Lemur! Changed my name from Scralden, now you owe me! I’d put formerly known as Scralden in my .sig but I don’t want to look indecisive. I’d reset my post count but I don’t want to look like a no0b. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2001, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/72 "2001-08-26T20:32:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lemur866 \* > I imagine that there will be stiff competition to be “The Jewish one”, but that’s nothing compared to the fight over who gets to be “The one who’s a woman”. More than one woman on SDMB would be confusing. Heh. I’m wondering how many will be fighting over “The one who’s a man.” ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/73 "2001-08-27T06:00:14Z")
> [@](#): > > _by Lemur866_ Every doper should have one and only one personality trait, and no dopers can share a personality trait. So one person gets to be the jewish kid from brooklyn, the other the farmboy, and another the irish tough. This idea is as stupid as a hatful of assholes. Would it be too much trouble for you to look up a couple of profiles every now and then?? [blinding flash] Christ, anya, that would be thinking and we cannot possibly have any of that, especially at the Straight Dope!![/blinding flash] ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/74 "2001-08-27T13:25:41Z")
Wondering when spoons, spool, and spook will become members…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/75 "2001-08-27T15:29:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\* and if **Lemur866** doesn’t like it, he is cordially invited to sit on my dick and spin. \*\* Sure. You lay out an offer like that to a stranger. Me, I break bread with you, I don’t see you making ME an offer like that. Cocktease 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/76 "2001-08-27T16:27:04Z")
About an year ago, I made two posts with poster name “Stefu”. Now I’m Kantalooppi. [sub]Is this the phase where I get repeatedly stabbed with pointy objects?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/77 "2001-08-27T17:03:20Z")
poke poke poke * * * \_toli ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/78 "2001-08-27T17:09:59Z")
What about **ssskuggiii**? Dropping the first ‘s’ won’t help much. I don’t see **sassy** going for it, either. Does 🙂 count as an ‘s’ name? ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/79 "2001-08-27T17:46:14Z")
Well I for one can see **Lemur666** ’s point. Why, only last week I got myself confused with **Byzantine** and drove over to her house. But I was locked out, and it wasn’t until I was halfway throught the bathroom window that I realized my mistake, I’d forgotten to buy toilet paper! So anyway, you guys shouldn’t be so hard on poor little **Lemur12.5.** He’s obviously having a hard day. - Sbumba33[sub]1/3[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053/80 "2001-08-27T17:49:45Z")
Hey, just to make people’s lives easier, I’ve continued my slide into illegible scrawl by going from **LNO** to **lno**. Eventually I’ll just start dropping letters and end up with a username of ln, or maybe just l. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-dopers-and-your-fucking-screen-names/78053.md?page=5)