# Fuck You Toby Keith!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 11, 2005, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085 "2005-12-11T01:45:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/1 "2005-12-11T01:45:14Z")
Toby Keith has a house in the country near where I live and I drive home by it everyday. So I am driving on the country farm to market road, minding my own business, going the speed limit (55mph). It is getting dark. I drive a Geo Metro (actually it is a Suzuki Swift, but is the same as a metro.) I am listening to the tape deck and all of a sudden I am pissed off beyond all reason. I don’t know why. I reaize that something has smacked me in the face. This would piss anyone off. I realize it was my airbag. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Then I doze out. The police officer that came determined that I must be one hell of a driver to have stayed on the narrow road after striking a WILD FUCKING HOG. It totaled my feeble car to bits. We found this monstrocity in the ditch, dead thanks me. Your welcome. The cop told me that they tend to travel in packs, and never cross into roads unless they are getting chased by something. Wild pigs do not have natural preditors where I live, except for stupid ass fucking red necks that hunt them for their gamey meat. This is where I have the problem with that dooche bag Toby Keith. This bastard pig ran out away from something that chased it from a big old pack of bastard pigs. TOBY FUCK YOU. You own ALL the land out there. It had to been you or someone you knew because it came from your hizzy. ASS. My shoulder hurts, and now I am without my beloved red beer can on wheels. Hmmph. ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/2 "2005-12-11T01:48:29Z")
Oh , and if you want to see pictues of this pig, send me your cell phone number in an email to [danny\_lancaster@yahoo.com](mailto:danny_lancaster@yahoo.com) and I will send them to you on your cell phone. Watch out for those bastards, the drought conditions have chased these creatures out of the creek beds looking for water. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/3 "2005-12-11T01:59:01Z")
> [@Translucent Daydream](#): > > TOBY FUCK YOU. You own ALL the land out there. It had to been you or someone you knew because it came from your hizzy. ASS. So you are saying that Toby Keith probably ran that pick out in the road personally and more likely than not, he deliberately targeted you and your car. I’d say you are pretty lucky. Most people that have run-in’s like that with country legends don’t fair nearly as well. I am sure the police have seen the “country star uses wildlife for mayhem” angle before. Call them and report what you reported here. They will know what to do. ---
**Author:** ![lonesome\_loser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@lonesome\_loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lonesome_loser)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/4 "2005-12-11T02:00:57Z")
??? In one one post you blame Keith. In the next you blame the drought. Make up our minds. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/5 "2005-12-11T02:01:25Z")
Toby was probably just trying to teach the pig to sing. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/6 "2005-12-11T02:07:41Z")
> [@lonesome loser](#): > > ??? > > In one one post you blame Keith. > > In the next you blame the drought. Can’t you read? Toby Keith owns the land that drought is on. WTF, a big star can’t afford a sprinkler system. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/7 "2005-12-11T03:05:43Z")
I can’t decide. Is this more lame than ridiculous, or more ridiculous than lame? Maybe the fake sneeze, {Bullshit!!} is the apporpriate response. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/8 "2005-12-11T03:16:24Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Toby was probably just trying to teach the pig to sing. And I’m sure the pig could do a much better job. (Sorry. I _so_ cannot stand that man.) ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/9 "2005-12-11T03:17:22Z")
The DART transit police can take care of him for you. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348990](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348990) ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/10 "2005-12-11T03:31:28Z")
Well, he’s cursing out Toby Keith, and I have a longstanding policy in support of that. Anytime anybody hates Toby Keith, I’m happy. But I have absolutely no idea what’s going on here. ---
**Author:** ![lonesome\_loser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@lonesome\_loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lonesome_loser)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/11 "2005-12-11T03:43:55Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > And I’m sure the pig could do a much better job. > (Sorry. I _so_ cannot stand that man.) Why? He’s just an entertainer. If you don’t like his music that’s cool. He smack your mother or something? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/12 "2005-12-11T04:08:53Z")
> [@lonesome loser](#): > > Why? He’s just an entertainer. If you don’t like his music that’s cool. > > He smack your mother or something? More than a few people are tired of his jingo bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/13 "2005-12-11T04:25:22Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Well, he’s cursing out Toby Keith, and I have a longstanding policy in support of that. Anytime anybody hates Toby Keith, I’m happy. But I have absolutely no idea what’s going on here. We share yet another boat, **Marley23**. I came in ready to help rip into Toby “Ford Trucks Rule and Oh Yeah Use 22-666-COLLECT” Keith, but now I’m just confused. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/14 "2005-12-11T04:30:24Z")
You’re behind the times. The Metro is no longer a Geo Metro. It’s a Chevrolet Metro. I know this because I actually own one–back in California! ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/15 "2005-12-11T04:34:05Z")
Hate to ruin your rant but according to pollstar there is a Toby Keith I love this Bar concert in OK City tonight. Maybe it was just trying to hump that red beer can you were driving. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/16 "2005-12-11T04:54:37Z")
> [@lonesome loser](#): > > Why? He’s just an entertainer. If you don’t like his music that’s cool. > > He smack your mother or something? Oh dear Og. If he’d have smacked my mother, he’d either be my new hero someone I’d offer to marry. Since he hasn’t, I just can’t stand all his knee-jerk bullshit as **Marley23** said. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/17 "2005-12-11T05:20:53Z")
> [@Translucent Daydream](#): > > I drive a Geo Metro (actually it is a Suzuki Swift, but is the same as a metro.) Why do you drive a Suzuki Swift in pig country? I drive a Suzuki Vitara, but I am in bear country, not pig country. But then there is the whole issue of why you live in pig country in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/18 "2005-12-11T05:26:50Z")
Lemme get this straight: Toby Keith personally released a wild hog on the highway in front of your car out of the back of his yellow pick-up truck while singing jingoistic songs and slapping your mother? ---
**Author:** ![lonesome\_loser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@lonesome\_loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lonesome_loser)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/19 "2005-12-11T05:34:40Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Oh dear Og. If he’d have smacked my mother, he’d either be my new hero someone I’d offer to marry. Since he hasn’t, I just can’t stand all his knee-jerk bullshit as **Marley23** said. Where does your mother live and is ok if I don’t and say I did? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2005, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085/20 "2005-12-11T05:38:10Z")
> [@lonesome loser](#): > > Where does your mother live and is ok if I don’t and say I did? Not far enough away… in East Texas. And absolutely! That’s what I wish I could do. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-toby-keith/335085.md?page=2)