A few months back I started this thread http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=466538& about my MIL’s piece o’ crap HP C7200. It’s garbage. I’m kicking myself for helping her pick it out, she’s gotta be kicking herself harder for not returning it the same day (on my suggestion).
ETA I’ve got a Canon i9900 I adore.
If you mean inkjet, the answer is no one. Those things are garbage right out of the box, for all the reasons listed here. If you want a laser, I’ve actually had great luck with my b/w HP 1020 (which cost all of 80 bucks) but it’s so old I doubt they sell them anymore and it doesn’t have a scan function so I don’t know if it would continue to work without toner.
Get a laser! It pays for itself very quickly.
We’ve got a 1020 at work. It works like a charm. It was cheap, but the cartriges are around $70, so keep that in mine.
I’ve got a laser Brother HL-2040 I’m happy with. Heck, I’m still on the starter cartridge (I think 2500 pages worth) after two years. I could get myself one of those 12,000 page drums when needed from a place like Laser Monks for $70. Heck, by the time I’m done using it, the 24 reams of paper will probably have cost me that much.
I still use an HP LaserJet 4P for most of my printing. I got it, IIRC, in 1994 and have never had any problems with it. HP wants almost $100 bucks for a toner cartridge, but you can get cheaper equivalents from elsewhere, and I don’t do a lot of printing so they last me for several years anyway - no clogging ink nozzles or wasting ink for cleaning cycles. I finally broke down and got a Canon for colour printing a couple of years ago, and have had no problems with it other than the lack of generic replacement cartridges. Current HP inkjets suck, though, my sisters have already trashed a couple of them.
Gotta ask one question, and apologies in advance if it is something you’ve already explored. Is it really turned off to all functions other than printing?
The reason I ask is that my printer proclaims, every time I turn it on, that there is some sort of big important error due to the fact that the black ink cartridge has run out, and therefore the printer cannot do anything whatsoever. However, there is a “scan” button, and I have discovered that if I hit this button, it will happily scan whatever I want, while simultaneously screaming that the black ink issue has not been resolved. You’ve probably already checked this out… but in case you haven’t, it is worth mentioning…
I’m still using a LaserJet 2100 that I bought almost 10 years ago. Just added a JetDirect card to it, too (like $10 on eBay, with shipping!). At long last, the toner is giving out. Rather than spend $70-80 on a new cartridge, I’m going to try refilling the toner myself. Nothing ventured, right? If all goes well, I’ll have spent $25 for the tools and toner, which is a steal compared to what new or even remanufactured cartridges go for.
Anyway, I’ll report back after I’ve done the refill.
We’ve thought about it, but we use it ALOT at work and really can’t afford to have it out of commision for any length of time (like, more then 10 minutes) or we’ll be screwed.
I’m very wary of refills.
Firstly, the toner cartridges on HP printers aren’t just toner: they have a special electrostatic drum. This tends to get worn causing marks on the paper.
Secondly, I’ve had bad experiences with refill toner messing on the fuser roller.
Still HP aren’t as bad as the old Kyocera printers which did take a direct toner refill. You had to shake the refill vigorously before putting it in the printer and all that toner was held in by a thin plastic strip… 
After the first one exploded sending toner everywhere, we put them in a plastic bag before shaking them.
We owned an Epson Stylus which always sounded as though it was going to fly apart. (clank, clank, rattle, whack! Whack! rattle rattle) When it wouldn’t work with Mac OSX, we dumped it and got a Canon, which we are very very happy with. 
I sympathize deeply with anyone forced to deal with smart-aleck printers that think they’re the center of your home office and that the PC and the user are just peripherals. It could be worse: you could have a Lexmark Docutron 9000 Talking Home Paper Wizard. Pieces of shit, every one of 'em.
Is there a company that makes printers that just shut the fuck up, cheerfully accept digital data over a standard interface, and produce paper with that data printed on it? That’s what I want: a printer that just fuckin’ prints.
It has a little display screen and when I close up the printer the screen flashes a message about not detecting the cartridges. No button or combination of buttons does anything.
Well, crap. Then I can offer nothing other than a sincere promise to shake my fist angrily at HP on your behalf…
PCLOADLETTER seems to be something that printers flash at you when they’re unhappy. Just wasted ages googling it, not made any easier by the number of people that use it as a username.
The only thing I found that was vaguely helpful (and I do mean vaguely) was this strip. (Caption in second frame).
You’ve been semi-wooshed. Snickers probably doesn’t actually know what it means, but I’m sure he/she knows it’s from the movie Office Space :).
I can’t believe all the hatred for HP. Of course, I might have generalized from my rubbishy feed-the-sheets-one-at-a-time-by-hand HP Photosmart, but I didn’t think the world worked that way.
I recommend you kick it to pieces if you give up on it.
It’s a C4280, assuming that string of characters on the box means anything.
I was about 30 seconds away from tossing it off my balcony. I’m going to take my old computer in this weekend to do some file transfers to the new one and I’m going to take the printer in too to see if someone at the Apple store can cram the cartridges in.
I can’t even return it, because it was free!
I’ve had good luck with Brother. They aren’t big enough that they can be assholes to their customers, so they’re still in the stage where they have to make a decent, solid product that works. Give 'em time, and I’m sure they’ll be able to make a product every bit as shitty and annoying as HP.