# Fuck you, you hunch-backed, drunk, shrub-pissing motherfucker **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 1, 2007, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966 "2007-08-01T13:27:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/1 "2007-08-01T13:27:50Z")
Here’s how my day started: I got to the end of my driveway, and there was the town drunk, that hunch-backed motherfucker, pissing on our Rhodedendrons. I stopped, called 411 to get the local non-emergency police number and reported him (for bush-pissing, being a fucking scumbag, probably public drunkenness, and being a fucking scumbag). By the time I got off the phone he was already reeling his way up the street, towards town. Think John Law will do anything about it? I doubt it. I didn’t hang around. I’ve got better things to do that wait 45 minutes for the goddamned cops to show up and do nothing but take notes and look stupid. It’s almost a waste of time wishing pain and suffering on this twat. What a shit bag. Whatever. A hale and hearty FUCK YOU! to you, Quasimodo, or whatever the fuck your fucking name is. I home you got poison ivy on your cock-n-balls, you diseased, degenerate douchbag. ---
**Author:** ![Mellivora\_capensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mellivora\_capensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellivora_capensis)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/2 "2007-08-01T13:33:57Z")
Since you didn’t talk to him, how did you figure out he dislikes George Bush? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/3 "2007-08-01T13:37:16Z")
[QUOTE=Mellivora capensis] Since you didn’t talk to him, how did you figure out he dislikes George Bush? [/QUOTE] No self-respecting republican wears plaid flannel shirts. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/4 "2007-08-01T13:38:07Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] Think John Law will do anything about it? I doubt it. [/QUOTE] So do I. In situations like that you you have to do it yourself. Something like "Hey buddy, next time you piss on my plants, I’ll shove my foot so far up your ass when you smile, it’'l read “Nike”. Maybe not that creative, but you get the idea. Cops really can’t do much regarding that breed of asshole, so you’re going to have to do it yourself. And sorry about your rhododendrons. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/5 "2007-08-01T13:42:05Z")
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. He probably spreads his urine over many gardens, so try not to feel too victimised. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/6 "2007-08-01T13:47:21Z")
[QUOTE=A Monkey With a Gun] So do I. In situations like that you you have to do it yourself. Something like "Hey buddy, next time you piss on my plants, I’ll shove my foot so far up your ass when you smile, it’'l read “Nike”. Maybe not that creative, but you get the idea. Cops really can’t do much regarding that breed of asshole, so you’re going to have to do it yourself. And sorry about your rhododendrons. [/QUOTE] Thanks. I had glorious visions of throwing gas and a zippo in his direction, then being carried about town on the shoulders of our selectmen, being hailed as a local hero for ridding our lovely town of this ball bag. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/7 "2007-08-01T13:48:05Z")
I think I would have just unzipped my fly and started peeing on the guy’s back. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/8 "2007-08-01T13:54:56Z")
You know, squirting kids with the hose may or may not be acceptable. Squirting drunks with the hose who are in the midst of pissing on your lawn? I can’t see any judge or jury ruling against you. The cop responding might laugh a bit after leaving the scene though. As a bonus, if you water down where he just ammonia-squirted, you might save the grass. “Officer, I was just watering the lawn on a hot summers day when this drunk who was pissing himself walked in front of the spray. Is he OK? I sure didn’t mean to make him wet. Errr…more wet.” ---
**Author:** ![Mellivora\_capensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mellivora\_capensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellivora_capensis)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/9 "2007-08-01T13:56:15Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] No self-respecting republican wears plaid flannel shirts. [/QUOTE] 😃 I can sympathise, I used to have a bush outside my wall, which some fucker used to shit under. Drove my gardener batshit crazy. Got home one day to find the bush ripped out roots and all. I never really liked that bush anyway. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/10 "2007-08-01T14:00:55Z")
What kind of rhodendrons? I’m guessin’ if they weren’t [Blue Peter](http://www.backyardgardener.com/plantname/pda_8600.html) before that they are now. Most rhododendrons require a pH of around 4.5 to 6, about the same as most urine. I’m not sure however if an alkie’s would be higher or lower. Tell the sonuvabitch to come back when he’s bell-curved his tinkle. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/11 "2007-08-01T14:09:11Z")
What a right bastard! Not only did he have the effrontery to piss in your bushes when he surely has a perfectly good crystal toilet to piss in at home, he had the gall to do it while hunchbacked! That’s really twisting the knife, eh? You were right to take it personally, and to flame him his for his disfigurement. Did you tell the cops he was a hunchback when you called? Surely not, or the SWAT team would have been dispatched with all speed. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/12 "2007-08-01T14:13:57Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] What a right bastard! Not only did he have the effrontery to piss in your bushes when he surely has a perfectly good crystal toilet to piss in at home, he had the gall to do it while hunchbacked! That’s really twisting the knife, eh? You were right to take it personally, and to flame him his for his disfigurement. Did you tell the cops he was a hunchback when you called? Surely not, or the SWAT team would have been dispatched with all speed. [/QUOTE] Pfft. I hope you don’t get hurt falling off your fucking high horse when he comes and pisses on _your_ lawn. Within eye-shot you _your_ kids. Dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/13 "2007-08-01T14:21:18Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] Pfft. I hope you don’t get hurt falling off your fucking high horse when he comes and pisses on _your_ lawn. Within eye-shot you _your_ kids. Dumbass. [/QUOTE] None of what he did justifies abusing him for a physical deformity. If pointing that out seems like the moral high ground to you, your kids have bigger problems than a poor sick old man pissing within eye-shot. Unless someone else is in charge of teaching them right from wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/14 "2007-08-01T14:29:18Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] None of what he did justifies abusing him for a physical deformity. If pointing that out seems like the moral high ground to you, your kids have bigger problems than a poor sick old man pissing within eye-shot. Unless someone else is in charge of teaching them right from wrong. [/QUOTE] Indeed. I behave in real life exactly as I’ve conducted myself in this thread. :rolleyes: Dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/15 "2007-08-01T14:34:30Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] Indeed. I behave in real life exactly as I’ve conducted myself in this thread. :rolleyes: Dumbass. [/QUOTE] My complaint is with your behavior in this thread. Picking on this guy because he has a deformity is abysmal behavior, wherever it occurs. Your lame attempt to justify it speaks volumes. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/16 "2007-08-01T14:34:54Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] Pfft. I hope you don’t get hurt falling off your fucking high horse when he comes and pisses on _your_ lawn. Within eye-shot you _your_ kids. Dumbass. [/QUOTE] I don’t think horses lift a leg when they pee. Why would he fall of his high horse when he is peeing on his lawn? At any rate, the last thread we had about penile activity at eye shot got locked real quick. This discussion won’t last. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/17 "2007-08-01T14:47:59Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] My complaint is with your behavior in this thread. Picking on this guy because he has a deformity is abysmal behavior, wherever it occurs. Your lame attempt to justify it speaks volumes. [/QUOTE] He’s not picking on the guy because he has a deformity. He’s picking on the guy because he was pissing on his flowers. The deformity thing was a bonus…kind of like hurling insults at the first high-horsed politically correct dumbass to wander into the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/18 "2007-08-01T14:53:29Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] My complaint is with your behavior in this thread. Picking on this guy because he has a deformity is abysmal behavior, wherever it occurs. Your lame attempt to justify it speaks volumes. [/QUOTE] :: looks around :: Er. This is the Pit, right? Isn’t this a sort of playground for venting spleen? I think if I was posting this over in MPSIMS, you might be right in calling me out. In any event, I wasn’t abusing him because of his deformity (or picking on him), I just called the police and ploitely informed them that there was a drunken, disease-ridden hunch-backed scumbag pissing on my fucking Rhodys. Plus, the nature of this exchange (message board) requires us to _show_, not tell. So which of the following better illustrates my ire? A poor handicapped man was kind enough to water my Rhodedendron. He did so with his urine, but I didn’t mind one bit. No sir-ee. I just said “Hey-diddly-ho, neighbor! Need a hand with the _shake_?” -or- Fuck you, you hunch-backed, drunk, shrub-pissing motherfucker And finally, for the record: justify, schmustify. Dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/19 "2007-08-01T15:01:55Z")
[QUOTE=BubbaDog] He’s not picking on the guy because he has a deformity. He’s picking on the guy because he was pissing on his flowers. The deformity thing was a bonus…kind of like hurling insults at the first high-horsed politically correct dumbass to wander into the thread. [/QUOTE] Actually, hunch-backed is the first thing he called him. Go ahead. Read the title. And then read the rest of what he said. Where the fuck did all that bile come from? What does being hunchbacked have to do with it? If it’s PC to refrain from abusing those less fortunate than we, then I’m guilty. If it’s PC to refrain from calling the cops because some guy is being “a scumbag” within eye-shot of his precious kids, then I’m guilty. To me, it just seems like good manners, and basic human decency. If some guy is so drunk in the early AM that he is pissing in public, my guess is he needs compassion, not anger. If the OP is concerned about his kids, (said kids being mysteriously absent in the OP,) this would have been a good opportunity to exhibit a little generosity of spirit, rather than go ballistic and call the cops. He was pissing on bushes, not flowers. You have read the OP, right? ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2007, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966/20 "2007-08-01T15:08:40Z")
and alcoholism is a disease. Don’t make fun of the poor sick man. C’mon. We go through this every time. Pittees are always hunched, ugly, pimply, fat, farting, matthaired, crookteethed losers. The pitter doesn’t mind hunched, ugly, pimply, fat, farting, matthaired, crookteethed law-abiding citizens that bring them flowers. It is what they did, not what they look like. The description is just for effect. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fuck-you-you-hunch-backed-drunk-shrub-pissing-motherfucker/413966.md?page=2)