# Fucking Birds **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 21, 2002, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263 "2002-06-21T13:21:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![goofyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b77776/32.png) [@goofyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goofyfish)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/1 "2002-06-21T13:21:59Z")
[/lurk] You have fruit… apples, oranges, raisins and an occasional coconut. Every day, I put seed in the feeders and fill the bath with fresh water. All I ask is the pleasure of your company – perhaps a song or two. And you thank me by **SHITTING** right in my freshly-poured beer??? Ungrateful avian assholes! [lurk] ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/2 "2002-06-21T13:24:26Z")
Death is too good for these vermin of the skies!!! :mad: Grim (sharing the pain) ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/3 "2002-06-21T13:28:05Z")
I thought a bird shitting in yer beer is good luck. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/4 "2002-06-21T13:30:37Z")
There are birds who live in my back garden. Birdsong is beautiful… for five minutes. These birds NEVER SHUT UP. It’s not even birdsong. It’s just cooo-cooooo. Over and over and over again. Outside my bedroom window. I wish they would die. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/5 "2002-06-21T13:34:53Z")
An open letter to the blue-jay who starts squawking outside my bedroom window at 4 AM: Dear sir/madam, Fuck off. Yrs., W.A. Duck cc: the seagull who shit on my chest last year at the beach. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/6 "2002-06-21T13:46:37Z")
The OP reminds me of the punchline to a joke: if the foo shits, wear it. JuanitaTech, too lazy to type the joke. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/7 "2002-06-21T14:53:43Z")
Wow that bird had pretty good aim. ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/8 "2002-06-21T14:59:58Z")
Is that a bird version of the game quarters? He shits in the beer and gets to make another bird drink it? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/9 "2002-06-21T16:12:11Z")
I hate birds. Always have. I’m not afraid of them, like some people. I just hate 'em. Oh, and I want to eat a penguin. I bet they taste interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/10 "2002-06-21T16:44:39Z")
[Finch mode on] You’re all just saying that because Unca T. Rex isn’t around to eat your faces. You’re all a bunch of meanies ☹ But we can fly and you can’t, so neener neener! [Finch mode off] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/11 "2002-06-21T17:18:58Z")
Why should we want to fuck birds? They’re too small. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pendgwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@pendgwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pendgwen)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/12 "2002-06-21T17:29:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ultrafilter \* > \*\*Oh, and I want to eat a penguin. I bet they taste interesting. \*\* According the men on Shackleton’s expedition to cross Antarctica they didn’t taste very good. They much preferred seal meat. ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/13 "2002-06-21T19:24:45Z")
Anyone remember the Onion editorial “These Motherfucking Robins Are On Thin Ice With Me”? I don’t know if it’s online, but it’s in the second book. It’s awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/14 "2002-06-21T21:18:10Z")
i have a starling problem. these bastards make a huge mess in my garage building a nest to lay eggs. Okay, i let them. i figure i’ll take care of the problem when the kiddies fly off to college. i put up with the mess and constant noise (stracthy, scracthy, cheepy, cheepy) for the last 4 months. what do they do? one by one, the dominante bird pushes out the weaker ones. now i have 5 rotting, maggot-ridden baby bird carcasses! disgusting bastards! should whacked em all months ago! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2002, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/15 "2002-06-22T01:39:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Darwin’s Finch \* > \*\*[Finch mode on] > You’re all just saying that because Unca T. Rex isn’t around to eat your faces. You’re all a bunch of meanies ☹ > > But we can fly and you can’t, so neener neener! > [Finch mode off] \*\* Actually, some of us featherless bipeds CAN fly… …and the little feathered bastards _still_ think they’re in charge! If birds really are modern dinosaurs, 65 million years ago the world was hungry, colorful, and LOUD ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2002, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/16 "2002-06-22T02:00:53Z")
I’d also like to extend a hearty “fuck you” to the crows in my backyard at the crack of dawn this morning. Listening to two raccoons in an hour-long death match is bad enough without you dipsticks chiming in at the top of your little avian lungs. You, the mocking birds, and the effing pigeons can go … do something … unpleasant. If y’all hadn’t woken me up this morning, I’d have a better threat. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2002, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/17 "2002-06-22T11:00:31Z")
Ah, I popped by in the hope of discussing transient heterosexual encounters but I find it’s something else all together. I did once go to a fancy dress party with a girlie in ostrich costume but I don’t think even that’s relevant. Tally ho. ---
**Author:** ![partly\_warmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@partly\_warmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partly_warmer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/18 "2002-06-22T12:27:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pendgwen \* > \*\*According the men on Shackleton’s expedition to cross Antarctica they didn’t taste very good. They much preferred seal meat. \*\* And what did Shackleton know? A man who took holidays 1000 miles from the nearest hotel? If the Earth had been square he’d have taken the longest slip in history. Geeze, give the man a roadmap! I bet penguins are at least as good as Fillet-of-Fish sandwiches… Speaking of bird hates…if gunshot wasn’t illegal in my city…I’d for sure take out the mockingbirds. All of them. The screech owls are next, but there are only a couple, and I might just use dumb-dumbs to scare 'em off. 😛 The little bastards know what they’re doing. The beer? It might have been a mistake. But our local crows would do something like that intentionally. Good birds, on the other beak, such as the local doves and hummingbirds, respectfully take food and water, and buzz around companionably when you’re out doing chores. Those birds know, all right. I don’t even have to mention squirrels… ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2002, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/19 "2002-06-22T12:58:11Z")
I **just now** woke up because a fucking pigeon outside my window was making a loud fucking noise like someone dying of pneumonia. Fucking pigeons better not be planning to make a fucking habit of this. ---
**Author:** ![white-tigeress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f475e1/32.png) [@white-tigeress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/white-tigeress)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263/20 "2002-06-22T17:16:50Z")
We have loads seagulls in scotland shitting on our cars dang. The are nowhere near the sea!!! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-birds/115263.md?page=2)