# Fucking eye contact **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 28, 2013, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209 "2013-03-28T19:53:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/142 "2013-04-03T16:58:58Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If the majority of a culture thinks gaze avoidance is a sign of deceit, you are giving a sign of deceit to the majority of a culture. I don’t disagree. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/143 "2013-04-03T16:59:58Z")
Augh, I’ve been trying it more lately. Turns out I can’t even _listen_ when looking people in-or-near-the-eye. I just gotta have my head in the clouds, man. It’s how I roll. Anyway I’ll keep working on it. ---
**Author:** ![Doughbag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Doughbag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doughbag)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/144 "2013-04-03T17:25:59Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Not in connection with deception. Not everyone is a conman, most people aren’t – meaning for an honest person it is much harder to lie when looking straight at you… one thing is: they will try to avoid eye contact. A scam artist or a good sales person can lie to you straight in the face with a smile and appear genuine – while mimicking normal behavior. However, it’s not just lying – it’s also disrespectful not to “engage” in a conversation by looking away. I don’t care, if my friend does not look up from the XBOX – I already know who he is or what kind of douche he is. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/146 "2013-04-03T18:20:41Z")
Reported. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/148 "2013-04-03T18:26:11Z")
Actually, it is your problem, since you’re going to be banned inside of about … oh, whenever a moderator wanders back in. ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Pumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@Ms.Pumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Pumpkin)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/149 "2013-04-03T18:27:27Z")
You have GOT to be kidding me. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/150 "2013-04-03T18:42:14Z")
Kill it with fire! Aaaaghhhhh! ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/151 "2013-04-03T18:44:46Z")
**HollyJamesSweetJesusBlessin’sAlwaysEtc** You’re banned because the rule here is “Don’t be a jerk,” and you are a _huge-ass_ jerk. This is a reality you are going to have to deal with one way or another. God hates jerks too, btw. Have a fun afterlife. And blessings always I love you so much! ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/152 "2013-04-03T18:57:18Z")
Wow did I miss an epic thread ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/153 "2013-04-03T19:14:27Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Augh, I’ve been trying it more lately. Turns out I can’t even _listen_ when looking people in-or-near-the-eye. > > I just gotta have my head in the clouds, man. It’s how I roll. > > Anyway I’ll keep working on it. It hasn’t been that long, and you’re trying to override years and years of training. You will improve! ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/154 "2013-04-03T19:25:21Z")
> [@August\_West](#): > > If you’re in a job interview and they ask “What are your weaknesses?”, stand up and walk out because the person interviewing you doesn’t know what they’re doing. Or, they learned how to interview in 1980 and haven’t bothered to update their skills. > > If you want to add a bit of dramatic flair; before you walk out, say “My main weakness is an inability to fake an answer to pointless, inane interview questions” I would suspect that of all the people with whom I have had job interviews over the court of a lifetime, approximately _zero_ were ever taught anything about interviewing or have any idea that there is anything to update regarding interview “skills.” For the vast majority of people, interviewing job applicants is just something they have to do occasionally, and no one teaches them anything about it. If you walk into an interview expecting that you’re going to be interviewed by someone trained in any kind of interviewing skills, whether from 1980 or 2013, you’ve got some surprises coming. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/155 "2013-04-03T19:31:37Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > I stopped looking people in the eyes for decades to make them less uncomfortable due to my **ticks**. Recently I’ve started staring them in the eyes again since it’s supposed to disadvantage you if you don’t and now they get to look away first. I’m enjoying intimidating them again. Enjoy the twitches bitches. I now own you. Bolding mine. Ewww ticks?! Like crawling on your face? Did you have Lyme Disease too? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/156 "2013-04-03T19:48:36Z")
nm… ---
**Author:** ![StaudtCJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StaudtCJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StaudtCJ)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/157 "2013-04-03T20:48:00Z")
I’m going to chime in here with something that doesn’t seem to be addressed at all. With the increase in autism spectrum diagnosis, the idea that forcing eye contact is a good thing is a bit scary. One of the signature difficulties for people with autism spectrum conditions is a difficulty or inability in making and maintaining eye contact. Sometimes that eye contact is described as physically painful. If someone is having as much difficulty with eye contact and similar social behaviors as described, then they may wish to be examined for this condition. This is not to get an excuse, but because there are specific therapies that can be used that are effective in helping the condition in autists that aren’t used in mainstream therapy. Being able to truthfully and matter-of-factly inform an interviewer that one has difficulty making eye contact due to autism spectrum disorder puts eye contact on the same footing as being unable to shake hands firmly due to arthritis issues. Perhaps if one is having difficulties with the standard mechanisms for improving eye contact ability when the inability is due to shyness or anxiety issues, one may wish to speak to one’s therapist about other potential issues. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/158 "2013-04-03T22:43:08Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Kill it with fire! Aaaaghhhhh! **Ed** won’t let me! ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2013, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/159 "2013-04-04T01:31:43Z")
But what everybody really wants to know is. . . Whatever happened with that kid with the ruptured appendix??? ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2013, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/160 "2013-04-04T01:41:15Z")
> [@Great\_Antibob](#): > > A used-car salesman will have a firm handshake and look you square in the eye. > … > Eye contact as a measure of honesty is a con-man’s best friend. Yes, and the _reason_ for that is just what **JOSH** said: directness of gaze and simplicity of expression is (often subconsciously) perceived to correlate with directness of motive and simplicity of speech. Looking away, avoiding eye contact, is reminiscent of evasion, of opacity. ---
**Author:** ![Jfitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jfitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jfitz)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2013, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/161 "2013-04-04T01:51:18Z")
> [@August\_West](#): > > If you’re in a job interview and they ask “What are your weaknesses?”, stand up and walk out because the person interviewing you doesn’t know what they’re doing. Or, they learned how to interview in 1980 and haven’t bothered to update their skills. > > If you want to add a bit of dramatic flair; before you walk out, say “My main weakness is an inability to fake an answer to pointless, inane interview questions” I engaged an interviewer about this question. He was just reading from a sheet of paper and I reached across the table and picked it up to see if he was fucking with me. Sure enough, it was written on there, along with tips on how to gauge my response. :smack: I asked him what the point of the question was. I work in tech services for a large transportation company, diagnosing issues and organizing repairs all over the country. I asked him what relevance my weaknesses, real or perceived, would have to do with my job performance. He just looked at me like I had showed him how to use a zipper for the first time and we moved on with the interview. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/162 "2013-04-04T02:58:37Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#): > > But what everybody really wants to know is. . . > > Whatever happened with that kid with the ruptured appendix??? He’s fine. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2013, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209/163 "2013-04-04T03:08:21Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Someone above posted a link which refers to a finding that people trying to decieve are _more_ likely to make eye contact, not less. There’s a [whole book on eye contact](http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Eye-Contact-Business/dp/0061782211/ref=cm_rdp_product), which IMHO actually isn’t bad, although I’m not sure the subject merits a whole book. According to the author, one of the reasons eye contact is important is that it is one way people indicate that they are paying attention to us. [QUOTE=Michael Ellsberg] No wonder we respond well when people make eye contact with us. It suggests that they are listening, that they are present to us, that they are taking us in. It suggests that they care about us. [/QUOTE] There’s one chapter on eye contact and lying. The author notes “the well-known phenomenon that psychopaths often make solid, extremely piercing eye contact.” Here’s how he summarizes lie detection as it relates to eye contact: [QUOTE=Michael Ellsberg] From all I have gathered on the topic, the following rules of thumb seem reliable: Eyes and body language tell us _nothing_ of someone’s thoughts. They can speak _volumes_ about a person’s emotional state—_if_ that person is not consciously attempting to hide their emotional state. When people are indeed trying to hide and/or lie about their emotional state from us, however, the evidence suggests that we humans are not nearly as good as we think we are at detecting deception—at least, not without practice. However, lying does leave telltale clues, and our capacity to detect these can be honed, augmented, and practiced to the point where we become quite effective at telling when people are lying. [/QUOTE] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-eye-contact/654209.md?page=9)