# Fucking plovers **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 18, 2026, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166 "2026-09-18T05:53:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/1 "2026-09-18T05:53:59Z")
It’s breeding season here for the Masked Lapwing plovers, the fuckers. Now I am the first to admit that the chicks are THE most adorable wee critters ever, toddling around on the grass with their parents flying overhead to keep the predators away. But you avian stupid dudes, I just wanted to walk the five, yes FIVE steps to my neighbours place for a Sippers Session (a glass of wine in the afternoon sun) and the bastards made me spill my glass of chardonnay! I wasn’t going to step on your babies, fuck, I couldn’t even SEE them. STOP STOOPING ME! Next time you get horny and have sprogs, can you do it somewhere else? Pretty please? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/2 "2026-09-18T09:51:05Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > the bastards made me spill my glass of chardonnay Sippy cups: not just for toddlers anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/3 "2026-09-18T10:31:26Z")
The OP is almost entirely incomprehensible to me. Something about birds and wine? ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/4 "2026-09-18T11:13:31Z")
He was getting dive bombed by the parents of baby birds on the ground. He had a glass of wine in hand while walking next door to the neighbors, and spilled it. They should make juice boxes with wine instead of juice for this occasion. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/5 "2026-09-18T11:21:29Z")
You can buy little one-glass bottles like they serve on airplanes. That should work. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/6 "2026-09-18T11:27:22Z")
> [@Rebo](#): > > They should make juice boxes with wine instead of juice for this occasion. Well, they kinda do, just the boxes are a little over one portion and drinking a whole one would increase your odds of stepping on a baby plover substantially, and would probably justify the adult bird response. For anyone not familiar with Masked Lapwings, they’re not just birds, they’re feathery balls of hormonal fury with _spikes_ on their wings. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/7 "2026-09-18T11:34:40Z")
Those 500ml boxes are _great_ to keep around for cooking, and the leftovers fit neatly in the fridge for the next time you need some wine. But they are a bit large for “sipping some wine in the afternoon sun”. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/8 "2026-09-18T11:38:23Z")
**Kambucta** is Aussie, IIRC; I was kind of referring to the existence of [goon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Box_wine). Though I _have_ seen someone drink a full 4l box of the stuff and still be standing at the end, I would not want to be a tiny squishy baby plover anywhere in the vicinity. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/9 "2026-09-18T11:45:09Z")
Oh, we have huge boxes of wine here, too. 😆 They are great for taking on vacation to the lake, because they are easy to pack. But i buy the little 500ml boxes all the time, so that’s what i thought of. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/10 "2026-09-18T13:10:12Z")
I wouldn’t be a true Bostonian if I didn’t provide you with Tom Doyle’s song **50 Ways to Kill a Plover** from the now-defunct Loren and Wally Show: > [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU-ezQdi8cQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU-ezQdi8cQ) ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/11 "2026-09-18T13:13:44Z")
I can’t abide this pitting. [**Birds aren’t real**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birds_Aren't_Real) ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/12 "2026-09-18T13:26:41Z")
If you need to act out your aggressions … > Historically, the eggs of certain plover species (such as the Northern Lapwing or European golden plover) were considered a high-end luxury delicacy in Europe, harvested and served at formal society events. until regulations largely banned the practice. Hey, I won’t tell. 😈 ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/13 "2026-09-18T13:57:41Z")
> Fucking plovers plugh ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/14 "2026-09-18T16:56:15Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > It’s breeding season here for the Masked Lapwing plovers, **the fuckers**. Yes, that’s how that happens. Glad to see someone properly putting the birds into “the birds and the bees”. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/15 "2026-09-18T17:12:43Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > I wasn’t going to step on your babies, fuck, I couldn’t even SEE them If you couldn’t see them, how do you know you weren’t about to step on them? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/16 "2026-09-18T19:40:58Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > I was kind of referring to the existence of [goon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Box_wine) [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/Cozw088w44Q/maxresdefault.jpg "Australian Table Wine") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cozw088w44Q) ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/17 "2026-09-18T20:17:58Z")
> [@Rebo](#): > > They should make juice boxes with wine instead of juice They do, and they’re adult-sized as well. [![](https://canals-liquors-pennsauken.myshopify.com/cdn/shop/products/FranziaCab_600x600.jpg?v=1588038758) ](https://canals-liquors-pennsauken.myshopify.com/cdn/shop/products/FranziaCab_600x600.jpg?v=1588038758) ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2026, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/18 "2026-09-18T20:28:42Z")
This species is far more likely to do a broken wing display to try to divert the attention of a predator from their offspring than to mob the putative predator. Even if they did divebomb me I’d feel honored if they did. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2026, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/19 "2026-09-19T01:06:27Z")
As I mentioned in the OP, my journey was a total of five steps, on concrete, to my neighbours unit. No little chicks on the path, apparently they were a good 30’ away on the lawns and out of my field of vision. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2026, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166/20 "2026-09-19T01:11:17Z")
It could have been diversionary. They do pretend to defend places without the chicks, and you might have been walking in a direction that made them nervous. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-plovers/1033166.md?page=2)