# Fucking Vegemite thief.

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [July 4, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665 "2013-07-04T21:04:12Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/1 "2013-07-04T21:04:12Z")

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I work in a smallish office (\< 30 people most of the time) with a kitchen with a few appliances like microwaves, grills and toasters. Each morning I get to work early, pop a couple of bits of bread in the toaster, grab my butter outta the fridge and reach for my jar of **Vegemite** to give my day an ambrosiacal start.

Except someone has knocked off my Vegemite. They’ve actually **stolen** my Vegemite. I searched everywhere of course, but it’s just fucking gone. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than looking at a pathetic piece of buttered toast without the brown gloop on top.

Y’know, I don’t mind people using my Vegemite at work…hey I leave it there so that anyone needing their fix can help themselves freely. Same goes with my butter and bread for that matter…you want some, go for it! In fact my supervisor chucks me a couple of bucks every week to compensate for the privilege of doing just that. He’s a bloke who enjoys the very finest of haute cuisine. 😛

But to the fucking lowlife scumbucketty arsehole who nicked my Vegemite, rot in hell. May a thousand camel fleas etc etc, and may you endure Vegemite enemas to the end of days to rid you of said scourge.

Fuckers.

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**Author:** ![Molotok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Molotok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Molotok)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/2 "2013-07-04T21:13:30Z")

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I suggest revenge of biblical preportions. If this isn’t possible, maybe you could buy those single serve things they have in hospitals, hotels etc. If you find the culprit, and they use a computer,I suggest smearing their monitor with promite or marmite (I can’t agree to wasting Vegemite).

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**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/3 "2013-07-04T21:26:56Z")

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Wait a second. You have to _pay_ to eat Vegemite?

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**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/4 "2013-07-04T21:28:53Z")

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> [@kambuckta](#):
>
> there is nothing worse than looking at a pathetic piece of buttered toast without the brown gloop on top.

Except a piece of toast _with_…

D&R

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**Author:** ![Molotok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Molotok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Molotok)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/5 "2013-07-04T21:38:21Z")

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If Vegemite’s strong, robust flavour is too much for your sensitivities, try it with some tomato and cheese. Or, if how people perceive you isn’t an issue, try dipping Vegemite toast in tea or coffee. It’s like some heavenly drug!

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**Author:** ![Pitchmeister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pitchmeister/32/3459_2.png) [@Pitchmeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pitchmeister)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/6 "2013-07-04T21:48:31Z")

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The thief is already punished enough - he now has a jar of Vegemite, the poor soul!

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**Author:** ![BigNik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@BigNik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigNik)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/7 "2013-07-04T22:49:05Z")

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Been there, had the same problem. Now I keep my bread and Vegemite in my desk. Don’t start me off about how Baker’s Delight always manages to cut their half loaves into exactly nine slices, though. That can lead to stabbings.

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**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/8 "2013-07-04T23:03:30Z")

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> [@BigNik](#):
>
> Been there, had the same problem. Now I keep my bread and Vegemite in my desk. Don’t start me off about how Baker’s Delight always manages to cut their half loaves into exactly nine slices, though. That can lead to stabbings.

Vegemite spreading is incompatible with this 9 slice scenario?

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**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/9 "2013-07-04T23:18:21Z")

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> [@Molotok](#):
>
> I suggest revenge of biblical preportions.

Worse than feeding him vegemite?

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**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/10 "2013-07-04T23:33:23Z")

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Who the _fuck_ would steal vegemite?

Scratch that…

Who the fuck would _eat_ vegemite?

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**Author:** ![BigNik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@BigNik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigNik)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/11 "2013-07-04T23:44:48Z")

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> [@astro](#):
>
> Vegemite spreading is incompatible with this 9 slice scenario?

If you’re selling a small loaf that’s designed to have 10 slices, that’s great. Two pieces of toast (or a sandwich) every workday and toss the crusts at each end.

If you then cut the thing every single time so that it has nine slices of useable bread and two nice, thick crusty bits, one on each end, that’s a fucking hate crime, presumably committed as part of some back-room deal with the psychiatric lobby.

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**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/12 "2013-07-04T23:55:05Z")

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> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#):
>
> …Who the fuck would _eat_ vegemite?

Well, _Australians_, of course. I mean, who else?

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**Author:** ![lisiate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@lisiate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisiate)\
**Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/13 "2013-07-04T23:55:41Z")

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Someone probably got a nice bonus for the nine slice thing. It increases sales by 20%!

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**Author:** ![Black\_Bisector](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ce73a5/32.png) [@Black\_Bisector](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Bisector)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/14 "2013-07-05T00:30:06Z")

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Hm, I bet it was one of the…

Men at Work!

I can’t believe no one has said this yet.

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**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/15 "2013-07-05T00:32:37Z")

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We have standards.

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**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/16 "2013-07-05T00:46:20Z")

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> [@Molotok](#):
>
> If Vegemite’s strong, robust flavour is too much for your sensitivities, try it with some tomato and cheese. Or, if how people perceive you isn’t an issue, try dipping Vegemite toast in tea or coffee. **It’s like some heavenly drug!**

My mind read that last word as “dung”. Then I thought, “even heavenly dung is still dung.”

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**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/17 "2013-07-05T01:00:29Z")

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I have in a decade of living in this Sunburnt Country come round to enjoying Vegemite, and that’s just dastardly. Why steal it? Just use some, geez!

(My office has a communal jar of it.)

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**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/18 "2013-07-05T01:00:33Z")

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You wanna catch the bugger? Look for the guy wearing the Hair shirt and wooden shoes.

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**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/19 "2013-07-05T01:04:05Z")

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Yeah, over in the US, I can keep vegemite in any communal fridge and nobody has touched it, and I have no fear they ever will touch it. The problem is that vegemite is bloody expensive stateside so I can’t eat it often anyway.

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**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/20 "2013-07-05T01:08:34Z")

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> [@Wile\_E](#):
>
> My mind read that last word as “dung”. Then I thought, “even heavenly dung is still dung.”

The road to heavenly dung is paved with vegemite.

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