# Fucking Vegemite thief. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 4, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665 "2013-07-04T21:04:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/41 "2013-07-05T20:12:18Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Is it at all possible that the last of the jar was used in your absence, and the now-empty jar discarded? It was a nearly-new jar, only a couple of months old. Which is nearly-new in Vegemite terms, if you get what I mean. Unless you’ve got a tribe of kids in the house, a single Vegemite jar can last for freakin’ _years_. And without starting yet another Vegemite vs Marmite and Promite debate, let’s just agree that the latter are shit and Vegemite is God’s invention to make life more worth living. 😃 > [@](#): > > Originally quoted by **BigNik** > > Don’t start me off about how Baker’s Delight always manages to cut their half loaves into exactly nine slices, though. That can lead to stabbings. I’ve taken to buying their _Pana de Casa_ ROLLS which they will actually slice for you. Four bits in the toaster at a time and it’s gone before it goes stale! Eggselent for garlic bread and bruschettas too, if there’s any left after Vegemite toasties. > [@](#): > > Originally quoted by **Claverhouse** > > Regard this tragedy as the springing-off point to fame and fortune by using it as inspiration for a long series of children’s books with the entirely original and unique premise of a family of mice, or miniature people if you will, who live hidden far in the bowels of the building, and emerge to steal Vegemite each night. That is a seriously good idea! Hey, even a Doper Theme Park has some merits as well **ThelmaLou** …you can head the feasability-study committee, OK? 😛 Anyway, after putting in my formal complaint yesterday I suggested we install CCTV cameras in the kitchen to find the thief (and also to demask the shithead/s who leave the fridge door open, the lid off the coffee tin and those who put their coffee spoon into the sugar bowl leaving little brown coffee turds for unsuspecting tea drinkers). Alas, TPTB felt my idea was a wee bit of overkill. I betcha if it was\* their\* Vegemite, they’d think differently. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/42 "2013-07-05T20:48:46Z")
> [@](#): > > Anyway, after putting in my formal complaint yesterday I suggested we install CCTV cameras in the kitchen to find the thief (and also to demask the shithead/s who leave the fridge door open, the lid off the coffee tin and those who put their coffee spoon into the sugar bowl leaving little brown coffee turds for unsuspecting tea drinkers). Alas, TPTB felt my idea was a wee bit of overkill. I betcha if it was\* their\* Vegemite, they’d think differently. This is because THEY are the ones who are stealing things and leaving things open. Also because it’s not their Vegemite. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/43 "2013-07-05T20:54:28Z")
All these endorsements, it must be remembered, tend to come from people who live in a place where the spiders eat their dogs, and they don’t take the opportunity to move to Devil’s Island or Odessa, Texas. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/44 "2013-07-05T21:03:53Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > All these endorsements, it must be remembered, tend to come from people who live in a place where the spiders eat their dogs… Seriously? \*::shudders:: ::stops shuddering about vegemite and starts on giant spiders::\* So at some point someone could have said “A spider ate me dingo!” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/45 "2013-07-05T22:15:00Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Seriously? \*::shudders:: > > ::stops shuddering about vegemite and starts on giant spiders::\* > > So at some point someone could have said “A spider ate me dingo!” _A spider et me babby!_ But seriously. I’m a Vegemite Virgin. So, let’s say I can procure a tub/jar/flask of this substance… please give me detailed instructions on the preparation and ingestion of same. Detailed. I feel like I’m missing out. I’m not getting any younger and I’ve already missed out on so much. ---
**Author:** ![Anamorphic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anamorphic/32/3057_2.png) [@Anamorphic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anamorphic)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/46 "2013-07-06T00:27:59Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > _A spider et me babby!_ > > But seriously. I’m a Vegemite Virgin. So, let’s say I can procure a tub/jar/flask of this substance… please give me detailed instructions on the preparation and ingestion of same. Detailed. I feel like I’m missing out. I’m not getting any younger and I’ve already missed out on so much. Well, I’m sure someone more experienced will come along shortly to help you out with more details. But, as someone who was a vegemite virgin up until a week ago, here’s what I found/was told by genuine Australians: 1. Toast bread. 2. Spread butter on bread. 3. Spread vegemite over bread VERY thinly. Apparently, this is where most of us neophytes mess up… we spread on way too much of the stuff and it overpowers. So, very thin layer of vegemite. My findings: it was… interesting. I’m not going to say I LOVED it or anything, but I didn’t spit it out, either. I’d eat it again. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/47 "2013-07-06T00:41:57Z")
> [@Anamorphic](#): > > …but I didn’t spit it out, either. Wow, good work (better than I did…). I think if a native Aussie reports that to the Home Office you get a free wallaby for that. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/48 "2013-07-06T01:51:26Z")
Are they fierce? ---
**Author:** ![BigNik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@BigNik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigNik)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/49 "2013-07-06T04:21:59Z")
> [@Anamorphic](#): > > 1. Toast bread. > 2. Spread butter on bread. > 3. Spread vegemite over bread VERY thinly. Better: 3) Spread Vegemite on bread 4) Scrape it off again. Do not think “that’s not enough - I won’t taste that”. You will. Usually however little you take out of the jar on your knife, you should be scraping most of it back off on the rim when you’re done. Expect to end up with brown speckly bits on the butter rather than a thin coating. With that said, look at Vegemite as a condiment to thickly-buttered toast, not a spread. It works with the dairy flavours. And yes, it’s better on toast than bread. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/50 "2013-07-06T05:54:21Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > We have standards. Wait…since WHEN?! ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/51 "2013-07-06T05:55:34Z")
How much of the flavor of Vegemite is from the spread and how much is from the fact that the metal in the knife is melting into the butter? ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/52 "2013-07-06T07:41:31Z")
Sorry for your loss. I love Vegemite. So much I entered that best jobs in the world thing for the photographer position. I would have won too but I didn’t have any talent. I can pretty much eat the stuff out of the jar with a spoon. A spoon made of more Vegemite. but I can’t afford Vegemite over here much, so I rarely get it. And Australia wont let me move there without winning a contest or something. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/53 "2013-07-06T13:38:42Z")
Whoever pilfered **Kambuckta** ’s prandial spread must have quite the proverbial dangly parts, since it’s a well-known fact that stealing another man’s Vegemite is a bootable offence in Australia. 😃 I’m also required to mention at this point that (New Zealand) Marmite is the far superior yeast spread, with Promite as an acceptable subsitute during the thankfully concluded [del]late unpleasantness[/del] Great Marmite Shortage of 2012/2013. And I know I say this literally every time we have these threads, but NZ Marmite and British Marmite (AKA “Our Mate” or “Bok Mate”) have practically nothing in common besides being a dark-coloured yeast spread. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/54 "2013-07-06T13:56:00Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Whoever pilfered **Kambuckta** ’s prandial spread must have quite the proverbial dangly parts, since it’s a well-known fact that stealing another man’s Vegemite is a bootable offence in Australia. 😃 They used to transport them. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/55 "2013-07-06T13:57:14Z")
> [@BigNik](#): > > Better: > 3) Spread Vegemite on bread > 4) Scrape it off again. > > Do not think “that’s not enough - I won’t taste that”. You will. Usually however little you take out of the jar on your knife, you should be scraping most of it back off on the rim when you’re done. Expect to end up with brown speckly bits on the butter rather than a thin coating. > > With that said, look at Vegemite as a condiment to thickly-buttered toast, not a spread. It works with the dairy flavours. > > And yes, it’s better on toast than bread. This helps. So one ought to think of VM the way you do salt, for instance. You \*sprinkle \*salt on stuff; you don’t spread on a thick coating. Sometimes I do sprinkle a bit of salt on my buttered toast. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/56 "2013-07-06T17:15:21Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > > [@elucidator](#): > > > > We have standards. > > Wait…since WHEN?! Yesterday. You missed the meeting. That’ll teach you not to take fridays off just because thursday was a holiday. ---
**Author:** ![BigNik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@BigNik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigNik)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/57 "2013-07-06T22:54:33Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > This helps. So one ought to think of VM the way you do salt, for instance. You \*sprinkle \*salt on stuff; you don’t spread on a thick coating. Sometimes I do sprinkle a bit of salt on my buttered toast. Think of it as semi-liquid meat-flavoured salt, yeah. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/58 "2013-07-07T02:12:57Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > We have standards. Well yes, but it’s not as if you’re proud of them. > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Is it at all possible that the last of the jar was used in your absence, and the now-empty jar discarded? This illustrates the Vegemite quantitative problem that so many furriners struggle with. In 99% of cases where initial impressions are that the Vegemite jar is empty there is actually ample to complete the toast. It also cuts down your search for a culprit. No self-respecting Aussie bloke (nor blokette for that matter) will remove anything from the fridge simply because the jar is empty or the contents have gone mouldy. This unidentified bastard hasn’t stolen the jar, they have disposed of the jar under the delusion the contents represent a health hazard. You should concentrate your search on recent immigrants or those who wear colour co-ordinates. This person probably volunteers to be the office fire warden or first aid officer. They are a sad, twisted goody two shoes and your office would be a better workplace if they were publicly tarred and feathered. ---
**Author:** ![BigNik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@BigNik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigNik)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/59 "2013-07-09T22:25:36Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > This helps. So one ought to think of VM the way you do salt, for instance. You \*sprinkle \*salt on stuff; you don’t spread on a thick coating. Sometimes I do sprinkle a bit of salt on my buttered toast. Just to confirm, [these](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v235/newlydiscovered/vegemitetoast.jpg) [three](http://www.kanachart.com/images/eatstuff/aussie/vegemitetoast.jpg) [photos](http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8456/7929071016_e7c89478ec_z.jpg) have it about right. That last one might be a bit concentrated in bits, but the total amount’s close to what you’re after. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665/60 "2013-07-09T23:48:54Z")
Very helpful. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fucking-vegemite-thief/662665.md?page=4)