# Fulfilling one's WILD fantasies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 31, 2000, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312 "2000-01-31T05:54:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![iron\_fist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@iron\_fist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iron_fist)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/1 "2000-01-31T05:54:00Z")
I’ve been faced with the question of rather i will or will not particapate in a three-some or go as far as being a swinger with my boyfriend. I know the answer seems to be simple… follow your heart and do what you feel is best, but i’m not finding things that easy. Looking for some feedback, opinions and what not. What would you do? ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/2 "2000-01-31T06:01:00Z")
I wouldn’t. But then, I hardly know your boyfriend. 🙂 Seriously, this is supposedly a classic fantasy for a guy – to be with two girls at once. But I can tell you that the one time in my life I was invited to participate in such a threesome, I declined. It’s just not for me. And while I am the veritable soul of conservative behavior now, there was a time in my life when this wasn’t so, and I did all kinds of wild things. But that wasn’t one of the things. Maybe I’m just slow, but I find lovemaking to be a time when you really _concentrate_ on the woman you’re with… and two would just be way too distracting for me. Of course, this doesn’t answer the question about _your_ doing it. And for that, I would only suggest that if you’re uncomfortable about it – as your e-mail sort of suggests you are – maybe it’s not the right answer. Or maybe his feelings are much more important than yours, and it’s better for him to be happy than for you to be upset. In that event, it’s clear that you should do it. 🙂 - Rick ---
**Author:** ![iron\_fist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@iron\_fist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iron_fist)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/3 "2000-01-31T06:06:00Z")
well i quess i should clear up that it isn’t just a “typical” male fantasy with two girls, he wants to take things farther- multiple partners. I’m into being wild and experimenting, but not sure. With that I know nothing will be going on unless it’s between the two of us. We have talked about pro’s and con’s- concerns and what not, but i’ve become a little curious to hear others opinions, due to experience or what not… ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/4 "2000-01-31T06:51:00Z")
Iron, I hope you take to heart what I about to tell you. Without going into any detail I will say this comes from personal experience. I am not completely sure why it is so, but having a threesome where two of the three are “involved” with each other can be very devastating to the relationship. Maybe it is because sex is so personal, maybe its because we are jealous creatures at base - I dunno. Doing this “fantasy” can have enormous emotional repercussions. I suppose not every situation is the same, but I am cautioning you. I know in hindsight it was a big mistake in my case. Just think it through first. Good luck. * * * “Solos Dios basta” . . . but a little pizza won’t hurt. ---
**Author:** ![Cheese\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cheese\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheese_Head)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/5 "2000-01-31T14:04:00Z")
Two is company but three is a crowd. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/6 "2000-01-31T14:27:00Z")
I’ve never had the opportunity to engage in a threesome, but I agree with Bricker. ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/7 "2000-01-31T14:57:00Z")
Three is definitely a crowd. * * * We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another ---
**Author:** ![the\_first\_supraliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f475e1/32.png) [@the\_first\_supraliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_first_supraliminal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/8 "2000-01-31T15:17:00Z")
Well, thankfully I’ve got some crowd control: one big dick and a tongue like a razor. * * * There’s always another beer. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/9 "2000-01-31T15:38:00Z")
Shouldn’t that have been, “one big dick **with** a tongue like a razor”? 😃 just kidding, unc dear… * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/10 "2000-01-31T15:38:00Z")
You have to remember that while you are living for the moment now…what happens in the future when you have to answer for your actions? And that day usually does come. You are talking multiple partners…leaving the emotional side out of it…what about the disease side of it…can you ever be 100% sure that all your partners are clean? Probably not. Most men may have the fantasy of having more than one woman at a time…but they aren’t quite as willing for the woman to have two men at one time. It’s called unwilling to share…and it shouldn’t be any different for a woman to have the same feeling. I would not share my partner under any conditions. * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda - Intern to El Presidente Self-Righteous Clique \* ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/11 "2000-01-31T16:09:00Z")
Depends… If you just want to have fun, sure. Do it. Be safe. If you wish to have an actualy RELATIONSHIP with this guy, forget about it. * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/12 "2000-01-31T16:18:00Z")
My philosophy on threesomes is this: If you are not involved with either individual, and it’s just sex for sex’s sake, go for it. If you are involved with one of them, don’t. I had a girlfriend once who was always trying to interest me in introducing a third party, and I always declined. Of course, she just went ahead and had her fling with the third party without me… * * * An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/13 "2000-01-31T17:20:00Z")
Im surfing in the wild pacific ocean & a wild mermaid comes up to me…oh, you mean your fantasy? Alright. Ummm, personally as far as your future is concerned, I would not do a threesome. You’ll forever complicate matters & few future boyfriends are going to be very understanding about such matters. Ever thought what your family or people at your job would think of you? Watch Jerry Springer, he does this angle a lot. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/14 "2000-01-31T17:46:00Z")
Ok, how about an answer from someone who’s been there? Shortly after I lost my virginity (19 yrs old), I was approached by the male partner of a married couple I was friends with, to join them in matters intimate. Terry was seriously oversexed and loved his wife sincerely - the problem was that Maryann was a virgin when they married and she’d never had an orgasm (at that point, they’d been married 2.5 yrs). Terry (in a happy melding of serving his wife’s needs AND quenching his own prurient interests) thought it would help her to have another woman involved in their lovemaking. And so I was elected. Of course, I was a rank amateur myself, but that didn’t seem to matter to Terry OR Maryann - I’d had orgasms so I knew what would help her reach climax, knew how to touch her and talk to her. After some initial fumbling we managed to get her motor purring just fine (it was pretty cool watching her twitch and moan, and the smile on her face after it was over was just priceless!) After only two or three more visits from Dr. Tyler, they were off and running on their own. Their relationship’s lasted for years (as far as I know they’re still together) and I think in our particular case, it was a very good experience for Maryann. I’m glad I was able to help another woman reach the Big O (no one should go without that!). However, she was completely NOT in tune with her body at the time and desperately needed to learn how to _enjoy_ sex, let go, FEEL it instead of think it. I don’t get that feeling from you. Your situation seems more like, “let’s experiment” instead of “let’s fix this problem.” Given your hesitation and doubts, I’d say **don’t do it.** For myself, that was my one and only experience with a threesome, and I really have no desire to go there again. I much prefer to focus my attentions on ONE person (one MALE person), and vice versa… (Oh, and Mr. Goodwrench darling honey? Thanks for that delicious ummmm… “protein shake” this morning. I LOVE you!) * * * **StoryTyler** “Not everybody does it, but everybody should.” [I Spy Ty.](http://sites.netscape.net/storytyler/homepage) ---
**Author:** ![Atrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Atrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atrael)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/15 "2000-02-01T06:01:00Z")
(Off to nominate ST for some sort of “Best Story” Award)… ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/16 "2000-02-01T06:04:00Z")
In a word, hon, **NO**. All religion aside, you reap what you sow, and not always in a way or time you’d anticipate; this is ‘bad seed’, all the way around. * * * VB Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/17 "2000-02-01T06:28:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Atrael: > **(Off to nominate ST for some sort of “Best Story” Award)…** Heh…Thanks! (Guess the reasoning behind the screenname is becoming clear.) I got a million of 'em! \Hey, did I ever tell you guys the one about Clint Eastwood’s dildo?\ * * * **StoryTyler** “Not everybody does it, but everybody should.” [I Spy Ty.](http://sites.netscape.net/storytyler/homepage) ---
**Author:** ![iron\_fist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@iron\_fist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iron_fist)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/18 "2000-02-01T00:32:00Z")
Satan said, > [@](#): > > If you just want to have fun, sure. Do it. Be safe. > > If you wish to have an actualy RELATIONSHIP with this guy, forget about it. I want to have fun, and am wild myself. Someone had mentioned it’s fun for him, but do i get what i want? If i wanted two men could i have them? The answer he gave me was YES! I think two people can have a actual relationship, if there is an understanding and strength between the two. I know it’s a risk and safety is one of the BIGGEST concerns. I quess my question now is, is there anyone out there that has has a good experience with this? ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/19 "2000-02-01T02:01:00Z")
Jeez Louise, everything posted so far has been negative, what are you looking for, that one in a hundred who had a “good time”? Get a clue, this is not a good idea. I have nothing to offer from personal experience, but everything I have ever read or heard about regarding threesomes is that it is a male fantasy and the female partner goes along because she “doesn’t want to lose him”. Well, she probably will, anyway, when he moves on to fresher meat. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312/20 "2000-02-01T04:44:00Z")
I asked my ex-husband to comment on this, because I have found him to be very knowledgable about this (as long as you get him away from his “buttons”) The following is his commentary: General rule based on numerous examples I’ve seen is swinging and threesomes are ALWAYS a bad idea for the female unless she is bisexual, eager to increase her risk of getting AIDS or hepetitis, or unwilling to accept that her boyfriend is a predatory male still trying to find “one that fits”. The only exception is a male with a lifelong demonstrated committment to non-traditional lifestyles focusing on alternative economic or social relationship family or tribal living experiments. Sex is never the focus of the real thing. Talking about or wanting to try is NEVER a substitute for lifelong demonstrated committment with verifiable references ALWAYS including ex-partners, commune members, and others with personal knowledge of the actual experience. Practically speaking, males of this type will not be found outside of communes, Sufi communities, and LDS cults. I have NEVER seen a stable threesome over time, some may last a few years but most of those end in a bisexual jealous mess and frequently result in the realization that one or more of the participants is really full-tilt lesbian or homosexual. Swinging is ALWAYS about sex, never about love, and should NEVER be seen as anything more than the last desperate voyage of the damned. Male swingers are ALWAYS insecure predators desperately seeking new partners to validate their denial of their obvious impotence. It is rare for male swingers to be able to stay with one partner for long without having increasing performace anxiety and performance problems, especially as they get older. Female swingers are just pitiful victims of their own inability to recognize the obvious, the relationship is over, time to trade up. At 07:06 AM 1/31/00 -0600, you wrote: \>I’ve been faced with the question of rather i will or will not \>particapate in a three-some or go as far as being a swinger with my \>boyfriend. I know the answer seems to be simple… Time to get a new boyfriend who is not a swinger. Your boyfriend is already looking for a new girlfriend or two but wants to try each on for size, keeping you around only to avoid having to do without if he doesn’t find what he is looking for immediately. He is no longer your boyfriend. You can accept it now, later, or never, but it will not change the truth. \>follow your heart and do what you feel is best, If you are insecure, your feelings will lie to protect you from the truth. Thoughts, feelings, and behavior are of equal importance, it is a mistake to make one the master of the other, rather, be in touch with your true feelings, be open to all your thoughts without rationalizing distrubing ones away, and behave towards others as you would have them behave towards you. Or listen to your true feelings, your message clearly indicates that you feel you are being victimized. \>but i’m not finding things that easy. Easy answers usually lead straight to the wrong answer, but there is no reason that finding the answer should not be easy. For instance, just ask yourself the question, am I afraid my boyfriend might be manipulating me for his own sexual gratification? The answer should be obvious and easy, the complexity is in being able to see it for the easy answer it obviously is. \>Looking for some feedback, opinions and what not. The opinions of others are usually only used selectively to reinforce our own views of reality, you have already collectively associated them with “what not” subconsiously. Look instead to yourself. Ask the question, am I afraid to say no? If so, then what am I afraid might happen? Then deal with your real fear which is probably fear of rejection. What would you do? Trade up to a boyfriend who understands the difference between love and sex and who practices it. To turn the tables logically on your boyfriend, give no answer to his request but instead demand like answer of him, would he be willing to demonstrate his love for you by forgoing all the possible sexual pleasure he might be able to have during his life with a variety of partners and instead concentrate his life’s focus on providing you sexual pleasure instead? Do not answer his question or have sex with him until he answers you. This methodology will guarantee your not being victimized as it is the nature of males to structure their manipulation such that the pressure to comply is felt by the female. The reversal of the pressure will inevitably cause him to reveal his true nature if you are having trouble seeing him for what he is. And start looking for a new boyfriend, you’re going to need one whether you agree to do the swinging thing or not, it’s not a stable lifestyle… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fulfilling-ones-wild-fantasies/13312.md?page=2)