# Fun and games with Mr Austin Wemba **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 2, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126 "2004-03-02T16:48:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/61 "2004-03-12T16:07:10Z")
I think it may be game over anyway; he didn’t email me today, so I’ve just sent a couple of lines: > [@](#): > > From: Dick Dastardly > Dear Mr Austin > > Please tell me what should I do now? Are you still want to be going forward with the transaction? I cannot stay in Lagos here for too many days. > > Regards > Dick Dastardly ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/62 "2004-03-12T17:21:39Z")
Who says there are no more heroes in the modern world? **Mangetout** , \*you \* are my new hero, and thanks for the best thread in a helluva long time. Wonder why these guys don’t hook up with President Abacha’s former finance minister and help each other out? Or why scammers never think they could be scammed themselves? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/63 "2004-03-12T20:40:28Z")
I think Penelope should tell him that Dick made it SA but was kidnapped. Then arrange for a phone call from the ‘SA Police’ to Wemba. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/64 "2004-03-12T21:25:29Z")
**Zebra** You are a genius. Or…have the kidnappers contact Mr. Wemba and has for his $ to ransom his partner in business. A low amount, say $5000. And by the way, the watches are beautiful. A criss cross. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/65 "2004-03-13T19:12:48Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I will consider the operation a complete success if he sends me a picture of himself holding a sign that says “WAITING FOR DICK” - this might seem unlikely, but it has been done [before](http://www.scamorama.com/smith-okoro.html) (and better, but I have to start somewhere) I disagree, your operation is the best I’ve seen. It is the work of a cultured mind combined with a great sense of the absurd. I hope you continue to regale us with your correspondence. Don’t make Dick die too soon! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/66 "2004-03-14T00:05:16Z")
I pestered him with a series of emails, all along the lines of: > [@](#): > > From: Dick Dastardly > Dear Mr Austin > > Please tell me what should I do - are you still want me to be going onward with the transaction? At hourly intervals for an afternoon. he came back with: > [@](#): > > From: Austin Wemba > Dear Mr. Dick, > > I would have you understand that this transaction requires poeple who are capable and matured to be able to handle it. I don’t know perhaps, you think this is a joke. If you really want to execute this business with me then, don’t hesistate to reconfirm your ticket and fly down to South Africa to meet. I don’y know if you are serious or not because how can you prepare from your country to fly down to South Africa so the cause of this transaction and you are telling me that you in Lagos, for what? I seems that you not the serious type. > > Tell me when you are coming and when you arrive here, you should follow the instrustion I have passed to you. Call me upon your arrival and my driver will be there to pick you up > final. > > Hope you will understand my stand. If you did not arrive here before the middle of next week then I will assume that you are not serious. > > regards, > > Mr. Austin Wemba To which I have replied: > [@](#): > > From: Dick Dastardly > Dear Mr Austin > > I cannot be understanding your hard way of talking about this - As I am telling you, it is having had been a terrible journey travel for me in these last week - I am having had enough troubles in this week of days to last me seven life times. Are you not being understand? On the flight journey that was made a special difficult landing in Lagos, I was feared for my life and I am still not all recover. > I have not choice to be here. I was having suppose to land in Johannesburg. > > I am not wish to be calling of rude, but I wonder if maybe perhaps you are one who might not being serious about the transaction - how many times you have promise to email send your photograph? And still yet is not here. Perhaps maybe how can I trust you? > > Here attach is photograph I am email send myself with George, who is Lagos tour guide local - he is having tell me many good places to find pigeons. > > It is pass midnight here in now and tomorrow Sunday, but I will try booking of flight for as soon possible. > > Regards > Dick Dastardly I attached a photo of **[Colibri** talking to an African gentleman, both with binoculars and with (what appears to be) a bird identification book open in front of them. I don’t know about you guys, but my impression, from differences in writing style and grammar, is that ‘Mr Wemba’ is actually more than one person. I’m noyt sure whether to go ahead and kill off DD now, or whether to give him a new flight number, then later claim I have actually arrived in Johannesburg, but that I was unable to phone him for some reason. I don’t think he’ll buy the murder story. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/67 "2004-03-14T02:08:31Z")
There is a different writing style. You have no option: Kill Dick. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/68 "2004-03-14T04:30:15Z")
NO, NO!!! Hang on for the picture. Keep you eye on the goal. Just remember, “When the going gets tough the stupid and greedy will do just about anything.” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/69 "2004-03-14T06:00:19Z")
**Sandy** you have brought up an excellent point. \*\*Save Dick \*\* Won’t someone please think of the pigeons? ---
**Author:** ![Truth\_Seeker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Truth\_Seeker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truth_Seeker)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/70 "2004-03-14T07:49:27Z")
I still vote in favour of kidnap and then bringing in the fiance, only, of course, if you’ve given up hope of getting the picture. If you want added verisimilitude, You could “foward” an e-mail (complete with spoofed headers) to Mr. Wemba that you got from the kidnappers. Penolope might even solicit Mr. Wemba’s advice on what to do since he’s the only person she knows in Africa. “Dick spoke so highly of you, Mr. Wemba, and I don’t know where else to turn! The kidnappers say they will cut off Dick’s head unless we cooperate. You don’t know Dick, Mr. Wemba. I’m afraid he might do something foolish. Whatever shall I do?” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/71 "2004-03-14T09:13:41Z")
Hay-ulp! ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/72 "2004-03-15T01:14:55Z")
**Truth Seeker** : YOU ROCK!!! 🆒 :: ROTFLOL :: 😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/73 "2004-03-15T13:35:20Z")
Ok… _Finally_ after all these years, I’ve become a registered member, just so that I could post this question… WHAT IS GOING ON? The suspense is killing me!!! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/74 "2004-03-15T13:44:40Z")
No response as yet today (although it is still a little early to be sure) - I fear Dick Dastardly may well have met some kind of fatal difficulty on his way to Lagos airport today, where he was intending to arrange a flight. In a day or so, it’s quite likely the hotel will contact his next of kin, if the local police have not already done so. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/75 "2004-03-16T14:53:14Z")
Oh dear, I fear the worst… > [@](#): > > From: Penelope Pitstop > Dear Sir or Madam > > I am contacting you in the hope that you will be able to assist me or at least shed some light upon my situation. > > I was contacted today by the management of the Sheraton Hotel in Lagos, Nigeria, who have told me that my fiancé, Mr Richard Dastardly, had been staying for a number of days. Apparently, Richard left the hotel on foot sometime after breakfast on Sunday morning and has not returned since that time. I gave authority to the hotel manager to perform a cursory search of the room and his personal belongings - his clothes, some cash and also a number of valuable items were found there, as well as some papers, one of which had your email address written upon it. > > Are you able to tell me where Richard might be at this time? It was my understanding that he was actually to travel to South Africa on one of his birdwatching expeditions, so I am more than a little confused as to how it could be that he found himself in Nigeria, but his behaviour of the last week or so has been somewhat out of the ordinary, but in ways that are difficult to quantify. > Any enlightenment you can provide would be most gratefully received, as I am becoming very worried for his safety and wellbeing. > > Many thanks in advance for your kind assistance. > Ms Penelope Pitstop ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/76 "2004-03-16T15:19:18Z")
‘Bird Watching’ BWAAAAha ha ha ha ha Ask him to contact the SA Police. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/77 "2004-03-16T15:23:32Z")
OOOOOOOHHHHHHH. I am bursting with excitement! What has happened to Dick? Will Mr. Wemba step up to the plate? Will Penelope save this thread? Did Dick suffer some horrid bird watching accident? Who needs soap operas when there is the **Magic of Mangetout**. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/78 "2004-03-16T15:33:40Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > OOOOOOOHHHHHHH. > I am bursting with excitement! > > What has happened to Dick? > > Will Mr. Wemba step up to the plate? > > Will Penelope save this thread? > > Did Dick suffer some horrid bird watching accident? Oooh does this mean it’s time for some Fractured Fairy Tales?? 😉 This is the coolest thread ever. ---
**Author:** ![CorBlimeyGuvnor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@CorBlimeyGuvnor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CorBlimeyGuvnor)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/79 "2004-03-16T16:28:28Z")
Mange, you are an absolute genius, an inspired bit of work. Cant wait for the next bit!!! ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/80 "2004-03-16T16:47:13Z")
**Mangetout** - I think Mr. Wemba needs to be instructed to wander the streets of Lagos holding up a sign saying, “I need Dick. Please tell me where to get Dick.” The fiance is a nice touch. Obviously, the kidnappers have gotten wind of the millions Dick Dastardly was going to receive, and have kidnapped him to get it. :eek: I think Penelope needs to go to Nigeria to find and rescue Dick, so maybe the sign should read "I need Dick for a Penny. " This is so exciting! Adventure, romance, danger, exotic travel - it has it all. Who do you think should play you in the movie? Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126.md?page=5)