# Fun and games with Mr Austin Wemba **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 2, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126 "2004-03-02T16:48:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/81 "2004-03-16T16:53:20Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > This is so exciting! Adventure, romance, danger, exotic travel… …and pigeons! don’t forget the pigeons. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/82 "2004-03-16T17:04:21Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > …and pigeons! don’t forget the pigeons. You should mail him next as Muttley ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/83 "2004-03-16T17:10:20Z")
Ramping up the tension now… > [@](#): > > From: Penelope Pitstop > Dear Sir or Madam > > This is terrible - I have been in further contact with the hotel manager in Lagos and he fears that Richard may have been kidnapped, he strongly advises AGAINST contacting the local authorities, for fear that this might force the kidnapper’s hand and that they might actually do him some harm. > > One thing you may not know about Richard (as he does not like to mention it) is that he suffers from a degenerative neural condition known as Whelkmann’s Encephalopathy - this causes him to become at times very paranoid and rather incoherent, I fear that this might not help matters if he has fallen into trouble. > > There seems no other option now for me than to travel to Lagos with all haste. > > Please contact me as soon as you can, even if you do not have any information regarding Richard’s whereabouts - I’m terribly concerned about him and any information you have may prove useful, no matter how trivial it might seem. The situation is desperate! > > Begging your kind assistance > Ms Penelope Pitstop ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/84 "2004-03-16T17:30:26Z")
You need to write PP with a southern drawl. I bet that soon Mr. Wemba will close the email account. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/85 "2004-03-16T17:37:08Z")
Somehow Dick must have met up with that internationally-renowned ornithologist and evil genius, Professor Pat Pending, while pigeon-watching in Lagos. He is being held captive in a secret aviary while nefarious bird-type experiments are being performed on his terrified body and mind. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/86 "2004-03-16T19:03:59Z")
Dear Mr. Austin Wemba, Please, please please respond to Ms. Penelope Pitstop. Your fans are on the edge of their seats, tingling with pure excitement. She has the authority to sign over Dick’s money, don’tcha know. And was convent educated until completing her Masters Degree in Orinthology. She is also the daughter and sole surviving member of her family’s Bath Tub Plug Business fortune. DEAR GOD, please write back! We can’t take it anymore. Yrs. Truly, Sy Cophant. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/87 "2004-03-16T19:29:20Z")
Ms Penelope can indeed sign over Richard’s money (particularly as it is in the form of cash), but I have a strong suspicion that the kidnappers are going to demand more than they can collectively afford, making it necessary for Penny to discover the details of Dickie’s abortive business deal with Wemba, and attempt to follow through with it. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/88 "2004-03-16T20:52:00Z")
Good idea. I recommend carrying out all transfers via homing pigeon. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![CorBlimeyGuvnor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@CorBlimeyGuvnor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CorBlimeyGuvnor)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/89 "2004-03-16T22:19:53Z")
Hello Again Mange Hows the mid Med- Defrags? Jen says, how about offering a reward for any information to where Mr Dick ‘The Pigeon’ has disappeared to, of course you would require theyre bank details to transfer the cash??!! ---
**Author:** ![Never\_to\_be\_Queen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Never\_to\_be\_Queen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Never_to_be_Queen)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/90 "2004-03-16T23:01:04Z")
What if Penelope got really desperate and decided she was ready to do anything in exchange for information? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![LVgeogeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b19c9b/32.png) [@LVgeogeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVgeogeek)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/91 "2004-03-16T23:46:12Z")
This has been so fun to read today… much better than boring gov’t documents 😃 Hopefully there will be more to come from scamming the scammer! ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/92 "2004-03-17T22:26:08Z")
Any news? I have gotten hooked on this story. Dagnabbit, I need my Austin Wemba fix! While we are waiting for word from Wemba, _this_ is a fun read: [The tragic fate of Mr. Loadof Bollocks.](http://www.nigerian419fraud.freeserve.co.uk/richard.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/93 "2004-03-17T22:51:42Z")
Penelope is even now winging her way to Lagos - she will email Wemba again briefly from an airport internet cafe, while waiting for her connecting flight, then on arrival in Lagos, she will discover, amongst the contents of the hotel room, dickie’s email ID and password - this will enable her to learn the details of the business in hand, she will also discover that for some reason (probably Dickie’s confused mental state) that a ransom demand has been sent to HIS email account by the kidnappers, setting a deadline that has now passed and demanding a huge sum of money. Is Dickie still alive? Stay tuned… ---
**Author:** ![Kiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Kiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiger)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/94 "2004-03-17T23:35:06Z")
I laughed so hard I sucked an ice cube down a lung. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/95 "2004-03-18T00:15:58Z")
> [@](#): > > From: Penelope Pitstop > Dear Sir or Madam > > Must be brief. Am sending this from Internet cafe in connecting airport at New York. Will arrive in Lagos tomorrow, Still no word from Richard. Very worried. > > Please PLEASE respond, I really need any help you can give. > > Penny Now, to work on the ransom note… ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/96 "2004-03-18T01:22:31Z")
This is just great. Mangetout, When Penelope arrives in Lagos, she discovers bank statements, and $5000-$10000 USD in Richard’s travel bag. You could add that Richard mentioned that he wanted to go into his own business, and that he said there was going to be a surprise at their wedding. And, ask ‘Austin’ if he is in the Jewelry/Watch business. South Africa = Diamonds. Maybe you can spin a tale around that. Enipla By the way, good job. Funniest thing I have seen in a long time. ---
**Author:** ![BlueMit11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@BlueMit11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueMit11)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/97 "2004-03-18T01:40:35Z")
Ahh! Austin where are you?! I like the desperate, almost guilt-inducing tone of Penelope. Try to play that a little more. BTW, this is awesome, **Mangetout** ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/98 "2004-03-18T01:50:56Z")
If you want a ransom note in Afrikaans, let me know 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/99 "2004-03-18T04:55:48Z")
**Tabithina** Thanks for the link. Very funny and very frightening at the same time to know this stuff is going on. On a side note in regards to the link Tabithina provided, it struck me how much fun it is for the scammee’s to make up funny names Dick Dastardly and Loadof Bullocks. What if the scammers names are actual jokes in their own area? Just a brain fart. ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126/100 "2004-03-18T05:57:20Z")
I’ve been folowing this thread and loving it. I fear the reason Mr. Wemba is not replying is because the pigeons of the area got wind of his nefarious plans for our dear Dick, hero to pigeons everywhere, and have wreaked a very, um, messy revenge on this evildoer. They also may have pecked Mr. Wemba’s fingers to bloody shreads and he may not be able to use a computer for a while. In the meantime, I see I have an e-mail from Dr. Mrs. Miriam Abacha, whose late husband was the Head of State of Nigeria. She has a sum of $30 million dollars she needs assistance in getting. I doubt I can meet the standards set by our Mangetout but I was wondering if anyone would care to “help” her out, Dick Dastardly style? Shall I post her plea for your edification? There’s lots of clever Dopers. Maybe if we can get enough people to reply to these scams that the scammers will find it not as worthwhile as it once was. And we be entertained as well. What do you say? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-and-games-with-mr-austin-wemba/232126.md?page=6)