# Fun Squad Leader Searches for Bodyguard - Apply within. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2001, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853 "2001-07-01T16:00:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/1 "2001-07-01T16:00:45Z")
I’m looking for a personal bodyguard. Gimme a good reason to hire you. 😃 Elly ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/2 "2001-07-01T16:23:24Z")
I will work for food… (Plus, I **am** a trained bodyguard) But I don’t do windows 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Turbo\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@Turbo\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turbo_Dog)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/3 "2001-07-01T16:46:56Z")
1. I’ve done it before. 2. I will do nearly any job outside the realm (except windows). 3. I work fairly cheap (meat and beer for starters). 4. I’m fairly cute. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/4 "2001-07-01T16:47:30Z")
I’ve child-proofed two houses so far. And I know the dangers of wrought iron furniture. -Rue. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/5 "2001-07-01T17:08:55Z")
Very nice, very nice… I may well hire you three as my personal guards… Rue, you shall be my Official Protector Against Rabid Furniture Turbo, you shall be my Official Boy Toy and Protector Against Rancid Cheesecake. Iguana Boy, I officially dub you my Official Head Goon, Happy Fun Squad Protection Unit. The job has its benefits, this being the fun squad and all. Now would someone PLEASE subdue Fenris for me before I pull my _lovely_ red hair OUT? Thanks, Elly. ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/6 "2001-07-01T17:11:00Z")
Another trained bodyguard here ( 120 hours cert., defensive driving for security professional at Skip Barber, IPSA competition in Police stock class for ten years) Plus I won’t call the locals when your 19 year old daughter wants a case of Shiner Bock! ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/7 "2001-07-01T17:13:05Z")
Mike, dear one, I do have concerns about a bodyguard turned kitchen designer. But feel free to become my Official Kitchen Re-decorator. While you’re there, do find me a comfy chair. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/8 "2001-07-01T17:50:49Z")
She needs a bodyguard to keep her from tripping and falling into huge inanimate objects. Good luck, guys! Wear helmots and other protection! Oh, and thanks for hiring **TurboDog**. He’s got a gorgeous wife, see, and if he’ll be busy… Just kidding! Really! Put down that iron bar… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/9 "2001-07-01T17:54:47Z")
:::: Looks at Dantheman :::::: Dan, dearest, you do realize that you’re getting yourself in deep, deep doo-doo here, right? I crown you my official Scapegoat. It’s YOUR fault anyway. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/10 "2001-07-01T18:01:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > \*\*:::: Looks at Dantheman :::::: > > Dan, dearest, you do realize that you’re getting yourself in deep, deep doo-doo here, right? > > I crown you my official Scapegoat. > > It’s YOUR fault anyway. > > 😃 \*\* She wants me. I can just tell. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/11 "2001-07-01T18:10:36Z")
It’s your fault anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Mobius74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@Mobius74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mobius74)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/12 "2001-07-01T18:12:36Z")
Eleven years as a U.S. Marine. - Would charge an exorbitant fee guaranteed to be worth every cent - Willing to sign a contract stating I would not, in any imaginable situation or scenario, say “prolly”. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/13 "2001-07-01T18:18:08Z")
Mobius, you’re on. The Happy Fun Squad pays… well. In all sorts of ways. So, Mobius, do you strip? (Shameless Pun, I know. Sorry) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/14 "2001-07-01T18:20:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > \*\*It’s your fault anyway. \*\* Maybe, but I’m okay with that as long as you want me. Hehehe. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/15 "2001-07-01T18:31:18Z")
Awwww…I feel left out. My quals? I am devilishly cute and…and…well that’s just it. I have to be good for something. ☹ Oh yeah and I have mastered every form of martial arts known to man. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/16 "2001-07-01T18:34:02Z")
Ladyfox, I’d be glad to have you enroll for the Happy Fun Squad. I could use another Happy Fun Squad female to subdue those gelatinous testosterone masses… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/17 "2001-07-01T19:40:09Z")
Wonderful! \ For the first time in my life, I feel a part of something. Something great, something powerful, something designed for the sole purpose of making men slaves…\ Hehehe… do I get a title? ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/18 "2001-07-01T20:35:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > \*\*Now would someone PLEASE subdue Fenris for me before I pull my _lovely_ red hair OUT? > \*\* DOWN WITH ELENFAIRITA! FIGHT THE REIGN OF TERROR OF THE HAPPY FUN-FUN SQUAD! Don’t you people see, she’s lulling you into a false sense of security. Today it’s cheap boinking, tomomorrow, it’s Postum and Sanka instead of coffee as a Sacrifice for the “Supreme Leader”! And then? Mind Control Drugs in your Malt-O-Meal! Resist her blandishments! Viva La Revolution! Fenris ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/19 "2001-07-01T22:37:26Z")
\ ***StephenG** , dressed in a dark shade, sneaks into the room on cat-like tread. He removes a sap from his belt, cold-cocks Fenris, and then ties him up in clothesline. The Man in Black drags the tied-up menace to the lovely\* **Elenfair** , and props him up. In a calm voice, he says\* “Y’want I should do anyt’ing wit dis guy, yer ladyship?” [sub]\*I’d say “fair”, but that just sounds so redunant.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mobius74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@Mobius74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mobius74)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853/20 "2001-07-01T23:36:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > \*\*Mobius, you’re on. > > The Happy Fun Squad pays… well. In all sorts of ways. > > So, Mobius, do you strip? > > (Shameless Pun, I know. Sorry) > > \*\* Would consider it if the pay is right, but only in two dimensions and you wouldn’t be able to tell if the show was beginning or ending… Wrap your three-dimensionsl mind around that… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-squad-leader-searches-for-bodyguard-apply-within/70853.md?page=2)