# Fun Wilford Brimley Facts! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 13, 2006, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469 "2006-04-13T01:31:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/21 "2006-04-13T04:12:48Z")
In an emergency, Wilford Brimley can be used as a flotation device. (His heroic efforts after Hurricane Katrina were admirable. However, Wilford being the humble person that he is, insisted that the press refrain from reporting any of his heroic acts of buoyancy). ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/22 "2006-04-13T04:19:37Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Except that Wilfred Brimley brought Mr. Rogers back to life just so he could continue to check under the bed for him. …and Wilfred Brimley raised Mr Rogers from the dead using nothing but oatmeal, his moustache, and common sense. ---
**Author:** ![VegemiteMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/df788c/32.png) [@VegemiteMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VegemiteMoose)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/23 "2006-04-13T04:38:23Z")
Wilfred Brimley’s middle name is War and Peace. Not the words ‘War and Peace’ - _the **whole** book_. ---
**Author:** ![the\_only\_bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b2d939/32.png) [@the\_only\_bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_only_bunny)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/24 "2006-04-13T05:26:06Z")
He will be the next pope. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/25 "2006-04-13T05:34:21Z")
1. Wilford Brimley was a bodyguard for Howard Hughes. 2. Wilford Brimley is named for his grandfather, a Mormon pioneer who had more than 50 children (and who was named for the president of the Mormon church). 3. Wilford Brimley was very briefly married to Tammy Wynette in the 1970s. 4. Wilford Brimley was once an extremely successful and sought after rodeo clown. For fun, only one (1) of the above is _NOT_ true. Which is it? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/26 "2006-04-13T05:39:14Z")
Wilford Brimley has changed gender at least nine times during his life, not one of them involving surgery. It is due to a recessive gene that flows through the father’s line and, by extension, through the mother’s. Wilford Brimley’s house in Sri Lanka contains more than 400 rooms and is built entirely out of elephant bones and hides. Wilford Brimley is worshipped as an incarnation of Vishnu by more than 300 million Hindus and at least 30,000 Protestants. Wilford Brimley can speak every known language on Earth, but is illiterate and refuses to use toilet paper (he prefers pine planks). Wilford Brimley is the father of Sandra Bullock and the mother (with Wink Martindale) of Greg Louganis. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/27 "2006-04-13T06:12:09Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > Wliford Brimley is an immortal, who can only be killed via decapitation. Then my mission is clear. I hate that guy. No, really, I seriously hate him. I’m not sure why, but I’m sure I hate him. If you were to ask my friends who I have an irrational hatred towards, they would answer quite quickly “Wilford Brimley”. His existence bothers me. I’m almost convinced that he’s the anti-christ and I’m the only one that knows. I must have mentioned this before on the SDMB, if not it was an error by omission. I will certainly receive a few calls on the day of his death. That’s just not right, but it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/28 "2006-04-13T11:51:05Z")
**Cocoon** and **The Thing** are both really documentaries. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/29 "2006-04-13T11:57:12Z")
Are you sure this thread is the right thing to do? ---
**Author:** ![Crandolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Crandolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crandolph)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/30 "2006-04-13T13:28:37Z")
Wilfred Brimley’s semen can cure cancer… too bad he has never had an erection. Wilfred Brimley does not wait. He sleeps. The chief export of Wilfred Brimley is nostalgia. Wilfred Brimley frequently gives blood to the Red Cross. Always his own. Wilfred Brimley once counted to 137. Wilfred Brimley sleeps with a night light, not because he is afraid of the dark, but because he keeps stubbing his toe on bathroom trips. Wilfred Brimley owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. Water boils slower when Wilfred Brimley watches it. Wilfred Brimley does not go hunting because the word hunting implies the possibility of activity. He stays home. (OK, so these make no sense without the Norris facts…) ---
**Author:** ![Hombre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecb155/32.png) [@Hombre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hombre)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/31 "2006-04-13T13:35:41Z")
Thanks, \*\*Crandolph \*\*, now everyone in the office thinks I’ve lost it. Too funny. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/32 "2006-04-13T13:46:23Z")
If you don’t get off Wilford Brimley’s lawn, he will flip out and kill you. Wilford Brimley walks faster than a horse and buggy. Wilford Brimley is his own domain of life, proved to be older than the mimivirus. The population of Wilford Brimley is 150: 40 men, 30 women, 30 children, and 70 screaming cheetahs, who are so loud no one can do any math. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/33 "2006-04-13T13:49:56Z")
According to DJ Don Imus, Wilford Bremley likes to get _very friendly_ with oatmeal. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/34 "2006-04-13T13:50:09Z")
In his Hall in Rl’yeh under the seas, great Wilford Brimley lies dreaming. It’s the _right_ thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/35 "2006-04-13T14:00:21Z")
Wilford Brimley’s mustache actually consists of needle-sharp stainless steel wires implanted in his skull, he uses them to shred the raw slabs of Angus beef that he eats 6x a day. Wilford Brimley’s glasses are not corrective lenses, they are coated to protect YOU from his pyrokinesis. Wilford Brimley once drank 2 gallons of Jim Beam and impregnated a crocodile ---
**Author:** ![Charger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/36 "2006-04-13T14:04:39Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Are you sure this thread is the right thing to do? No, but it’s the tasty way to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/37 "2006-04-13T14:07:17Z")
I heard his moustache is the only thing about him that is real, the rest is robotic He once killed a man for asking him directions to the highway His temper is short, but his forgiveness long. He is often called in to settle disputes among nations and to build trust among global leaders. ---
**Author:** ![Gordon\_Urquhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@Gordon\_Urquhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gordon_Urquhart)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/38 "2006-04-13T14:50:38Z")
This one is actually true, 'cause it’s in the Onion: [Shotgun Blast to Chest Just Pisses Wilford Brimley Off More](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/36292) ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/39 "2006-04-13T14:51:08Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Are you sure this thread is the right thing to do? Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/40 "2006-04-13T14:59:16Z")
Wilford Brimley once developed a cure for cancer using only corn syrup, Frank’s Red Hot sauce, and squid ink. Wilford Brimley counted Sun Tzu as one of his many disciples. One whisker from Wilford Brimley’s mustache has 750,000 Schofield Units of heat, making it the spiciest mustache on record. Wilford Brimley once petitioned to have the stars in the United States flag replaced with a bowl of oatmeal, citing it as the universal symbol for peace and nutrition. The marrow in Wilford Brimley’s left femur was once secretly replaced with Folger’s Crystals. Wilford Brimley has the swiss army knife of penises. Wilford Brimley’s estate is worth more than the gross national product of Mozambique. Wilford Brimley has an atomic weight of 83.798, which makes him lethal to Superman. Wilford Brimley once consumed an entire Yugo in under 12 hours, but was unable to walk away afterwards without repeatedly blowing head gaskets. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469.md?page=3)