# Fun Wilford Brimley Facts! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 13, 2006, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469 "2006-04-13T01:31:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/41 "2006-04-13T15:01:14Z")
Wilford Brimley was on both the grassy knoll _and_ in Ford’s Theater. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/42 "2006-04-13T15:02:59Z")
_Uilfu’ur d’b’rimm’li_ means “whale penis bone the size of a canoe” in the Haida language of coastal British Columbia. ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/43 "2006-04-13T15:03:30Z")
In his youth, Wilford Brimley was the body model for Michealangelo’s _David_. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/44 "2006-04-13T15:14:10Z")
Wilford Brimley spelled backwards is ‘Nadia Comaneci’. To summon Wilford Brimley spill the blood of a platypus on the floor while saying “I believe in the power of Wilford, theophanize that I might worship thee” three times. If no apparation leave a message or try his agent. Wilford Brimley was the stunt double for the original Cheeta in _Tarzan_. Wilford Brimley played both Spanky and Darla on _The Little Rascals_ and later killed Robert Blake’s wife spectrally. The name of Wilford Brimley is a killing word to the Fremen. Wilford Brimley was survived 899 fatal plane crashes. Wilford Brimley was captured by the Japanese during World War II. When his prison camp was liberated he refused to leave because he liked the bed. There is a mile high statue of Wilford Brimley carved from ice on Jupiter’s moon Ganymede. In 1980 Oral Roberts claimed to see a 900 foot tall Jesus who ordered him to raise $8 million to build his City of Faith. Police investigations proved this was actually Wilford Brimley playing a prank because he thought Oral was a funny name. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/45 "2006-04-13T15:18:18Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Wilford Brimley was survived 899 fatal plane crashes. I though that was Kris Kristofferson. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/46 "2006-04-13T15:39:05Z")
The untrue thing in my first post incidentally was the Tammy Wynette marriage. All else is true. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/47 "2006-04-13T15:55:35Z")
Wilford Brimley is a fully UL certified vacuum cleaner. Wilford Brimley makes his own soap, which smells like Lisa Kudrow’s feet. Wilford Brimley has no mouth, but he must scream. Wilford Brimley invented the Internet in 1955, but merely tucked the plans in a cardboard suitcase, which he left behind in a motel in St. George, Utah. This was later discovered by Defense Department scientists and… ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/48 "2006-04-13T16:34:39Z")
Stop motion photography has proven that when Wilford Brimley runs, his legs can never get his butt completely off the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Crandolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Crandolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crandolph)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/49 "2006-04-13T16:36:21Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > The untrue thing in my first post incidentally was the Tammy Wynette marriage. All else is true. That’s right; she refused to him when he abducted and beat her. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/50 "2006-04-13T16:47:48Z")
Wilford Brimley’s mustache is hiding WMDs-most notably, Wilford Brimley’s teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/51 "2006-04-13T17:11:40Z")
Wilford Brimley’s career did not take off until after the death of Euell Gibbons. Strangely, this fact has never been brought before a grand jury. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/52 "2006-04-13T17:49:00Z")
Many parts of Wilford Brimley are not edible. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/53 "2006-04-13T18:04:57Z")
Several countries have “Attacked by Wilford Brimley” scenarios as key elements of their defense plans. Wilford Brimley is responsible for global warming, he got tired of wearing sweaters. Wilford Brimley was the inspiration for Jimi Hendrix’s song “Voodoo Chile” Wilford Brimley’s appearance contracts have a clause to guarantee he will be provided with fresh whale milk. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/54 "2006-04-13T18:10:13Z")
Wilford Brimley: -Invented the cartoon “Inspector Gadget” based on real events from his own life. -Can breathe underwater -Never wears socks. Never. -Can put tadpole in mouth, and spit out a fully grown frog. -Regularly drinks a gallon of olive oil every day. -When he hiccups, all glass in the immediate area shatters. -Once lived in a tee-pee made of Steak ‘Ums for 6 months -Has room in house completely filled with marbles. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/55 "2006-04-13T18:18:53Z")
Wilford Brimley is the only person alive who is specifically mentioned in both _Revelations_ and Shannon Doherty’s wikipedia entry. Wilford Brimley is the father, with the late Nell Carter, of the Wayans Brothers. Wilford Brimley once fell in a forest without making a sound and as revenge exterminated the passenger pigeons. Wilford Brimley got his role on _Our House_ by putting out for Dierdre Hall and at least eleven producers in one marathon 40 minute carnalfest. He put his legendary prowess to use again by (to quote his Dick Cavett interview) “tapping every hiney that cast a shadow on the [The Battle for Endor](http://imdb.com/title/tt0089110/) set.” ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/56 "2006-04-13T18:52:01Z")
Wilford Brimley is, in fact, a cleverly disguised kegerator. It’s a little known fact that Wilford Brimley died back in 1977 - Elvis Presley (seeking a calmer life full of folksy wisdom and oatmeal) stepped in to become the Wilford Brimley we all know and love. Wilford Brimley can draw in perfect 1/4" scale. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/57 "2006-04-13T19:38:36Z")
Wilford Brimley built a large portion of his vast fortune in 1978 when he purchased enough shares to own a controlling interest in Phil Donahue. In reflecting on his career, Steven Speilberg once said of Wilford Brimley, “I’d be nothing if he didn’t spend several months as a surrogate sex partner for my wife while I struggled with a bout of impotency.” Relative to his body size, Wilford Brimley has the largest nipples of any human. In the original draft of the movie, Wilford Brimley and co-star Maureen Stapleton had a nude sex scene that was later edited out for being “too hot for public consumption.” Wilford Brimley likes to go dancing on the backs of the bruised. Wilford Brimley can say “cheesesteak” in 263 different languages. To date, there have been 72 illegitemate children born to Wilford Brimley. Their life energy has nourished him during hard times. More than 40% of the entries in South Dakota’s state motto contest have been “We Love Wilford Brimley!” Wilford Brimley is capable of drawing more than 16 cubic litres of air into his sphinchter, but lack of muscle control prevents him from rivalling Joseph Pujol. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/58 "2006-04-13T20:04:53Z")
Having no idea who this Wilford Brimley is (at first I thought it was a thread about [Wilfrid Brambell](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0104183/)), I did a google image search. Jesus Christ, people! That’s my _dad!_ ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/59 "2006-04-13T20:20:50Z")
Wilfred Brimley is the father of **Biffy The Elephant Shrew.** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2006, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469/60 "2006-04-13T20:22:26Z")
> [@Biffy the Elephant Shrew](#): > > Jesus Christ, people! That’s my _dad!_ Make that 73, Mindfield. Wilford Brimley was the original choice to play Dirk Diggler in _Boogie Nights_ but he refused to use a prosthesis in the final scene. Wilford Brimley is the only human visible from space, but it’s only when he wants to be seen. There are cave drawings of Wilford Brimley in the Israeli desert dating back to 11,000 BCE. One reads “The Beast!” in perfect English. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-wilford-brimley-facts/352469.md?page=4)