# Fun with church signs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 24, 2013, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373 "2013-07-24T10:41:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/1 "2013-07-24T10:41:37Z")
I pass a church every day on my drive home, and there’s a new message on their sign every week to announce the theme of that week’s sermon. It’s often pretty generic: stuff like loving thy neighbor and honoring the Sabbath. Typical churchy things, stuffy and predictable. Sometimes, though, the sign is unintentionally hilarious. A few weeks ago, it said “Speak the word only.” I giggled as I passed it, thinking I should walk up to it and whisper “only” to see if any invisible Elvish doors opened up for me. They’re not _trying_ to be funny, like some of the ones I see in the internet. It wouldn’t be as funny to me if they were trying for the cheap pun. I think they’re trying to put out a sincere message, and my brain can’t help but want to twist it. This week, for example, it says “The Wrong Kind of Feast.” And it’s taking every bit of my self-restraint (and fear of trespassing charges) to keep me from sneaking up there and adding a big posterboard that says “Soylent Green is PEOPLE!” You guys all mess with signs too, right? At least in your heads? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/2 "2013-07-24T14:41:15Z")
I’ve said this before, but my brother once wanted to take the “C” off an Arby’s sign that said “now hiring closers”. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/3 "2013-07-24T15:22:32Z")
Here ya go: [have fun with church signs](http://www.says-it.com/churchsigns/) all day long! ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/4 "2013-07-24T15:37:35Z")
One of the churches nearby reads stuff on the internet because they will put up some of the funnier signs I have read in the past. ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/5 "2013-07-24T15:39:45Z")
[God Listens…To SLAYER](https://www.google.com/search?q=god+listens+to+slayer&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=tPTvUfruJ4XA9gShu4HADw&sqi=2&ved=0CCoQsAQ&biw=1395&bih=398) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/6 "2013-07-24T15:45:55Z")
Mid 1980s. A restaurant in Houston was named the Black Angus. Nice, big, lighted individual letters sign. Someone kept breaking the G. . ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/7 "2013-07-24T17:50:16Z")
Seen by me on our local church’s readerboard, long ago on a sleepy Sunday morning on my way to the dump: JILL YOU ASS HOLE ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/8 "2013-07-24T17:58:18Z")
An electronic sign in a butcher’s shop, spotted on Eglington Ave. in Toronto: (1) First message flashed: “WE SELL ORGAN MEAT” (2) Second message flashed: “WANTED: HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS” :eek: I assume they meant “for apprentice jobs” or whatnot, but that’s not how it read … ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/9 "2013-07-24T18:00:54Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Mid 1980s. A restaurant in Houston was named the Black Angus. Nice, big, lighted individual letters sign. > > Someone kept breaking the G. I used to pass a Big O Tires that went completely dark at night except for their sign. Well, most of their sign. It quite often read just BigOT. (Their logo/sign runs the letters together pretty closely.) ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/10 "2013-07-24T20:07:39Z")
> [@Rocketeer](#): > > Seen by me on our local church’s readerboard, long ago on a sleepy Sunday morning on my way to the dump: > > JILL > YOU ASS > HOLE I was so hoping this was an anagram of JESUS LOVES YOU. My atheist friend Jill would LOVE it. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/11 "2013-07-24T20:22:55Z")
There was a motel where I grew up called the Red Bull Inn. The readerboard on their sign read: SLEEP AT THE RED BULL INN Someone rearranged the sign to read: SLEEP AT THE BED RULL INN ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/12 "2013-07-24T20:41:54Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > An electronic sign in a butcher’s shop, spotted on Eglington Ave. in Toronto: > > (1) First message flashed: “WE SELL ORGAN MEAT” > > (2) Second message flashed: “WANTED: HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS” > > :eek: Shift change, 6:15 AM: “Say, weren’t there _three_ guys on the midnight shift?” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/13 "2013-07-24T20:44:58Z")
(that’s _dwarvish_ doors, btw, even if the inscription was Elvish) My inner child is always in need of a sharpie or roll of black tape when I pass a sign saying TO LET, where there is invariably just room for a letter I. A Norfolk village named Poringland sometimes had an extra loop added to its first letter, suggesting some locals found it less than enthralling. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/14 "2013-07-24T21:12:12Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > I was so hoping this was an anagram of JESUS LOVES YOU. Best I can figure it is an anagram of HOLLA, OILY JESUS. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/15 "2013-07-24T22:02:57Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > Best I can figure it is an anagram of HOLLA, OILY JESUS. Funniest thing I’ve read all month. ---
**Author:** ![Tikkimouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@Tikkimouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikkimouse)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/16 "2013-07-24T22:12:30Z")
Last year a local church gave a series of interconnected sermons. To advertise them on their readerboard, they started a sentence and added on to it each week. I forget what the whole thing ultimately read but for the first couple of weeks, all it said was, “God Loved.” I so wanted to add, “Now He’s Kinda ‘Meh.’”. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/17 "2013-07-24T22:24:08Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > Best I can figure it is an anagram of HOLLA, OILY JESUS. I got A HOLY JESUS, I LOL. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/18 "2013-07-24T23:06:07Z")
Next time you are bored in church, leaf through the hymnal and mentally add “in bed” to the name of each hymn. Like: “How Great Thou Art” “Jesus Lover of my Soul” “Abide with Me” “Jesus Loves Me This I Know” “I Give You My Heart” “Come, Thou Almighty King” “Draw Me Close” “Jesus Loves the Little Children” “How Deep the Father’s Love for Us” “The Risen Christ” “Have Thine Own Way, Lord” “Not What My Hands Have Done” “Jesus Paid It All” “I Am Thine, O Lord” ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/19 "2013-07-25T10:57:10Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > (that’s _dwarvish_ doors, btw, even if the inscription was Elvish) :smack: Oh dear. Will you be needing to shred my Nerd Card, then? ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373/20 "2013-07-26T13:07:01Z")
> [@robert\_columbia](#): > > Next time you are bored in church, leaf through the hymnal and mentally add “in bed” to the name of each hymn. > > Like: > > “How Great Thou Art” > “Jesus Lover of my Soul” > “Abide with Me” > “Jesus Loves Me This I Know” > “I Give You My Heart” > “Come, Thou Almighty King” > “Draw Me Close” > “Jesus Loves the Little Children” > “How Deep the Father’s Love for Us” > “The Risen Christ” > “Have Thine Own Way, Lord” > “Not What My Hands Have Done” > “Jesus Paid It All” > “I Am Thine, O Lord” This reminds of what my daughter told me once. When you get a fortune cookie, add the phrase “between the sheets” to your fortune. It is surprising how often it works. E.g., “You will have a good day…” Once when I was in Pittsburgh, I saw a sign on a church on Forbes Ave. that said, “We deliver”. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-church-signs/664373.md?page=2)