# Fun With English **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 19, 2006, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075 "2006-10-19T12:03:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/21 "2006-10-19T21:12:15Z")
I don’t have any specific references in mind, but this thread has reminded me of the numerous signs I run across where people have mistakenly – and rather unfortunately – used quotation marks instead of asterisks to denote emphasis. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen signs that say something like: WE HAVE “TASTY” FOOD! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/22 "2006-10-19T21:39:32Z")
[QUOTE=Asimovian] WE HAVE “TASTY” FOOD! [/QUOTE] Does that include “free” fries, “real” steak, and a “fresh” salad? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/23 "2006-10-19T21:47:42Z")
[QUOTE=mnemosyne] One that drove me crazy every time I went to the local Boston Pizza was the big sign advertising that the restaurant can host “Birthday Party’s” . The worst thing is, this in on one of those big signs that look like a chalk board, and it is probably in every Boston Pizza! Horrible. [/QUOTE] And the beautifully hand-painted signs people put up in front of their houses: The Smith’s as if only one family member really owns the place. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/24 "2006-10-19T22:02:45Z")
[QUOTE=Random] Does that include “free” fries, “real” steak, and a “fresh” salad? [/QUOTE] You’ve apparently been reading the same signs that I have. 🙂 On a related note, I was just perusing Craiglist motorcycle ads when I ran across these two gems (within the same ad): > [@Craigslist ad](#): > > The owner needs to buy a new car so ‘has to’ sell. > [@](#): > > It will be ‘sad’ to part with this one! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/25 "2006-10-19T22:24:39Z")
[QUOTE=Random] Does that include “free” fries, “real” steak, and a “fresh” salad? [/QUOTE] Check out [Gallery of ‘‘Misused’’ Quotation Marks](http://www.juvalamu.com/qmarks) ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/26 "2006-10-19T22:25:02Z")
A local church has a big sing out front that proclaims “GOD’S TITHES” “AT WORK” just like that. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/27 "2006-10-19T22:26:18Z")
And of course, I meant “sign.” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/28 "2006-10-19T22:37:11Z")
At work, soon before I retired, I saw a big magnetic sign saying, “CLEAN SOIL.” After I saw it stuck in two places that clearly had no clean soil, I took it home. It’s in my garage, on the front of the Vile Chemicals cabinet. I always thought soil was soiled. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/29 "2006-10-19T22:41:57Z")
The stupidest one I’ve seen: SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/30 "2006-10-19T22:54:20Z")
My all time favorite remains the sign I saw above a urinal in a men’s room in a Beijing restaurant: “PLEASE MANG OUT AFTER SHIT”. I still don’t know how to mang, why one should do it after shitting, nor why the Chinese apparently shit in urinals. ---
**Author:** ![NJ\_Kef\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b487fb/32.png) [@NJ\_Kef\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NJ_Kef_1)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/31 "2006-10-19T22:59:16Z")
[QUOTE=Ellen Cherry] My favorite, that I’ve actually seen, was a door in a parking structure that said: THIS DOOR IS ALARMED I always pictured it with a suprised, “Home Alone” look on its face. [/QUOTE] **Ellen Cherry** , you stole my post! As soon as I started reading this thread, I was dying to share my discovery of THIS DOOR IS ALARMED. I saw it a few years ago when I revisited my alma mater. I was non plussed! ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/32 "2006-10-19T23:04:40Z")
Driving on I-80 from Sacramento to Davis, I saw a huge sign put up by some group of realtors. Personally, I think the sign was defeating their intent. They urged home sellers and buyers to consult their “realtor.” Yes, they put that word in quotes. So, apparently they didn’t want you to consult a real realtor after all! ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/33 "2006-10-19T23:05:43Z")
[QUOTE=Audrey Levins] Went to pay my car insurance yesterday. On the door is a printed sign that says: “CORRECT CHANGE ONLY. SORRY FOR ANY INCONTINENCE. THANK YOU.” Imagine my surprise when I walked in and saw another sign, taped to the back of a computer monitor. “NO PUBLIC BATHROOMS. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. THANK YOU.” 😃 [/QUOTE] I BLAME SPELLCHECKERS!! ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/34 "2006-10-19T23:11:04Z")
Book sales clerk turns beet red when asked for a book called [“A Tolkien Beastiality”](http://www.harbourpublishing.com/title/ATolkienBestiary) ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/35 "2006-10-19T23:13:15Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] At my ex’s work, there’s one of those things where you can put in some money for a charity and grab candy. The sign on it says, and I quote exactly: “Candy coast $0.25. Please don’t just take it, it’s for the starving chidings.” Coast? _Chidings_? [/QUOTE] The \*candy \*is for the chiding? ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/36 "2006-10-19T23:35:14Z")
I drive almost daily past a sign outside a “Tienda Latina”-'Open to the Pubic" At Warwick Castle in England-“Torture Chanber Unsuitable for Wheelchair Users” At a street intersection-“Blind Persons Cross Here”. In Cancun, Mexico- $EXCHANGE At the Ethel, WA, city limit-Entering Ethel In Acadia Nat’l Park, Bah Hahbah, ME, Thunder Hole / P / Restrooms In Maui, HI, Bottomless Pit-65 feet deep Seen today outside a church- ``` OUR ``` CH RCH IS MISSING SOMETHING ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/37 "2006-10-19T23:45:05Z")
[QUOTE=ouryL] I BLAME SPELLCHECKERS!! [/QUOTE] Guy who worked with me back in the late 1990s used spellcheck this way: 1. Type the document. 2. Click on spell check. 3. Look at the spell check pop-up window which says, “Word not in dictionary.” 4. Click on “add to dictionary.” Brilliant. Just brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/38 "2006-10-19T23:48:18Z")
A fishing tackle shop has a professionally made sign outside… “Nod’s for Rod’s” :smack: ( So many of my peers let their intelligence show with their putting of apostrophes in every single word that ends in ‘s’.) ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/39 "2006-10-19T23:53:09Z")
[QUOTE=Monty] Guy who worked with me back in the late 1990s used spellcheck this way: 1. Type the document. 2. Click on spell check. 3. Look at the spell check pop-up window which says, “Word not in dictionary.” 4. Click on “add to dictionary.” Brilliant. Just brilliant. [/QUOTE] Guy I worked with never did that… But he did seem to use the spellchecker with his eyes closed. Made for some surreal e-mails. > [@Ignatz](#): > > In Cancun, Mexico- $EXCHANGE > OUR > CH RCH > IS MISSING > SOMETHING Those are my favourites so far in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2006, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075/40 "2006-10-19T23:54:39Z")
Well, layout is important too. This is one I liked: MAKE YOUR BUSINESS HANDICAP ACCESSIBLE!! 1/4 page ad in tabloid newspaper, good placement, making that company’s business handicap plenty accessible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fun-with-english/377075.md?page=3)