# Funeral Invitations **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 3, 2021, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737 "2021-11-03T16:27:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/1 "2021-11-03T16:27:16Z")
I’ve read it in books and seen it in movies/tv. Someone will say, “so and so is not invited to the funeral” or “did you invite so and so to the funeral?” I have NEVER heard of funeral invitations in real life. When someone you know dies, you either go or don’t go to the funeral - your choice. Once in a while, an obit will state that there will be a private service for family only. But I’ve never seen, by invitation only in an obit. Has anyone here ever been invited to a funeral? ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/2 "2021-11-03T16:34:40Z")
No, but I’ve heard of people being told not to bother to go. Generally they already know that but are sometimes to dumbfounded to realize it themselves, so the word is put out. ---
**Author:** ![dolphinboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dolphinboy/32/330_2.png) [@dolphinboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dolphinboy)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/3 "2021-11-03T16:53:46Z")
I’ve never heard of them either, but then how do you disinvite someone to a funeral they were never invited to in the first place? “Gee Bob, I know you knew Stan, but this family said they didn’t want you to attend his funeral” is kind of awkward. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/4 "2021-11-03T16:59:05Z")
No, I’ve never heard of it, although since Covid, there’s been restrictions on numbers at funerals In Wales, so when my MIL died, we had to contact people to tell them whether they could come or not. We didn’t send out invites though. Plenty who couldn’t come inside waited outside the church and came to the burial though. ---
**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/5 "2021-11-03T16:59:47Z")
> [@TRC4941](#): > > Someone will say, “so and so is not invited to the funeral” or “did you invite so and so to the funeral?” I would interpret these as “so and so is not welcome at the funeral” and “did you tell so and so about the funeral.” I never heard of an actual printed or emailed invitation, only an informal announcement. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/6 "2021-11-03T17:05:06Z")
From what I can tell, most of the time funeral invitations are announcements of memorial services. In some situations, where the deceased is prominent or space is limited, then actual guest lists are used. For example, John McCain’s funeral. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/7 "2021-11-03T17:16:52Z")
Save The Date!! ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/8 "2021-11-03T18:30:15Z")
Definitely received invitations for memorial services. Usually where the deceased has been cremated (sometimes buried in a private service) and the memorial is held weeks to months after the death. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/9 "2021-11-03T19:12:07Z")
Remember: if you don’t invite your friends to your funeral, they won’t invite you to theirs. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/10 "2021-11-03T19:35:59Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Save The Date!! Damnit! I have an emergency scheduled for that day. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/11 "2021-11-03T20:44:36Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > No, but I’ve heard of people being told not to bother to go. Generally they already know that but are sometimes to dumbfounded to realize it themselves, so the word is put out. When my mom had her stroke, her friend group (like Bridge, but something else) stopped visiting her. She spent the next 7 years mostly alone with Dad, and none ever come by to see her. She died this summer and Dad planned a small service. One of them called Dad to ask about the plans and where to attend. I listened while he told her: “You can all go to hell – every goddamned one of you.” and then hung up the phone. Sometimes you need to help them realize they’re not welcome. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/12 "2021-11-03T21:17:46Z")
My mom has a list of those she wants barred from her funeral. Vast majority are cousins who she has created outlandish conspiracy theories about. To be honest, I wouldn’t have a clue who they were if they did appear. I do know most are quite elderly and live a few hours away, so thinking they’d attend is pretty far fetched anyways. She did make a family friend promise to house sit during her funeral and burial in case those same cousins hire people to break in to her house. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/13 "2021-11-04T03:42:40Z")
Yes, I have been formally invited to a funeral, and formal invitations were given to select people for my brother’s funeral. In my family, a formal invitation (a card of some sort similar in nature to a wedding invitation) is more of a summons. You are going to be participating in the funeral, usually as a pall bearer. All except one funeral I was invited to were family, the other might as well have been: ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-invitations/953737/14 "2021-11-05T16:22:29Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Definitely received invitations for memorial services. Usually where the deceased has been cremated (sometimes buried in a private service) and the memorial is held weeks to months after the death. I’ve had a few of these also. It always struck me as a little weird to wait so long after the person dies, but I guess some people need more time to prepare themselves. We’re going to one in about a month. The husband died about 2 months ago and we were informed of the date for the memorial. Then the wife died last week and they just added her memorial onto the same date. Strange to me, but I give people a lot of slack where death and funerals are involved.