# Funeral Shit Show **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 10, 2013, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707 "2013-01-10T02:20:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/21 "2013-01-10T18:12:25Z")
> [@Crime\_Scene](#): > > Thursday morning the father of one of my close friends was found dead in his rented flophouse. Has there ever, in the history of the Dope, been a better username/first sentence of OP combo? mmm ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/22 "2013-01-10T18:17:10Z")
The OP’s name just makes me want to ask if this was [Creepy Mcpantywacker](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=676035&page=2)’s father who just died… ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/23 "2013-01-10T18:21:22Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Has there ever, in the history of the Dope, been a better username/first sentence of OP combo? Possibly, but oddly enough they all involve the [same](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=660164) [OP](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=675172). ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/24 "2013-01-10T18:22:18Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Has there ever, in the history of the Dope, been a better username/first sentence of OP combo? > mmm lol. You will notice most of my posts make the username/post combo fitting. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/25 "2013-01-10T18:23:22Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#): > > The OP’s name just makes me want to ask if this was [Creepy Mcpantywacker](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=676035&page=2)’s father who just died… No relation. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/26 "2013-01-10T18:26:46Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Possibly, but oddly enough they all involve the [same](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=660164) [OP](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=675172). All of my posts are true, as I live a pretty interesting life I have no need to make stuff up. If any of my posts are in question I can provide validation in the form of pm. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/27 "2013-01-10T18:32:13Z")
> [@Crime\_Scene](#): > > … the bill stated the cardboard in the rented coffin cost $600… Wonder why they needed anything in the coffin. Just close the top and assume… ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/28 "2013-01-10T18:36:56Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Wonder why they needed anything in the coffin. Just close the top and assume… I was wondering that too. Also, I’m curious as to how you would even know if they changed the cardboard from corpse to corpse? Seems like the funeral home could just use the same cardboard over and over and no one would the wiser. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/29 "2013-01-10T18:40:43Z")
Wasn’t there an “Ask the funeral director” thread a couple years back? He would know. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/30 "2013-01-10T18:42:23Z")
These kind of pale compared to the OP’s story but… Dad’s funeral, Sept. 2001. I’ve got two younger brothers. Youngest is bi-polar, middle one hadn’t been in touch with the family for something like 20 years, due to a huge altercation he had had decades ago with youngest brother. After considerable work we’d figured out how to get in touch with middle brother to let him know what had happened, but no one was able to speak to him directly, and we had no expectation he’d show up. Late in the day of the viewing, a middle-aged guy with a porn 'stache shows up at the funeral home. It took us awhile to realize it was middle brother, who had driven about 600 miles through the night to get there. Here’s the thing: when you don’t see or speak to anyone for 20 years or so, they end up looking and sounding completely different from your time-frozen memories of them. It very quickly became apparent that being amongst all these half-remembered people was freaking middle brother out, and in no more than five minutes he headed out the door. Youngest brother interpreted this as some kind of slight, and he runs out after middle brother, yelling demands to stop. This freaks out middle brother even further and he burns tire leaving the lot, almost knocking down youngest brother in the process. That, by the way, is the last any of us have ever seen or heard of him. Mom’s funeral, May 2008. By this time, we no longer have any way of contacting middle brother, so he’s out of the picture. Youngest brother, however, as we shall see still has trouble dealing with the emotions events of this type tend to bring up. We’re both staying at the family house. The evening she passed away, after the body had been taken out of the house and everything cleaned up, he gets drunk on martinis, then out of absolutely nowhere launches into a raging, spittle-flying tirade (imagine one of those _Downfall_ mashups) in which he enumerates in extreme detail every one of the many ways he considers me a worthless flaming asshole. At the top of his lungs. This goes on more or less uninterrrupted for 45 minutes, at which point he throws his drink in my face. Assuming the next step is out-and-out violence, I make my exit. Wasn’t much conversation between us the next few days, or for the next few years for that matter. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/31 "2013-01-10T18:50:36Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > These kind of pale compared to the OP’s story but… > > Dad’s funeral, Sept. 2001. I’ve got two younger brothers. Youngest is bi-polar, middle one hadn’t been in touch with the family for something like 20 years, due to a huge altercation he had had decades ago with youngest brother. After considerable work we’d figured out how to get in touch with middle brother to let him know what had happened, but no one was able to speak to him directly, and we had no expectation he’d show up. > > Late in the day of the viewing, a middle-aged guy with a porn 'stache shows up at the funeral home. It took us awhile to realize it was middle brother, who had driven about 600 miles through the night to get there. Here’s the thing: when you don’t see or speak to anyone for 20 years or so, they end up looking and sounding completely different from your time-frozen memories of them. It very quickly became apparent that being amongst all these half-remembered people was freaking middle brother out, and in no more than five minutes he headed out the door. Youngest brother interpreted this as some kind of slight, and he runs out after middle brother, yelling demands to stop. This freaks out middle brother even further and he burns tire leaving the lot, almost knocking down youngest brother in the process. That, by the way, is the last any of us have ever seen or heard of him. > > Mom’s funeral, May 2008. By this time, we no longer have any way of contacting middle brother, so he’s out of the picture. Youngest brother, however, as we shall see still has trouble dealing with the emotions events of this type tend to bring up. We’re both staying at the family house. > > The evening she passed away, after the body had been taken out of the house and everything cleaned up, he gets drunk on martinis, then out of absolutely nowhere launches into a raging, spittle-flying tirade (imagine one of those _Downfall_ mashups) in which he enumerates in extreme detail every one of the many ways he considers me a worthless flaming asshole. At the top of his lungs. This goes on more or less uninterrrupted for 45 minutes, at which point he throws his drink in my face. Assuming the next step is out-and-out violence, I make my exit. Wasn’t much conversation between us the next few days, or for the next few years for that matter. That didn’t pale in comparison and the story was actually quite a bit more sad. So, the middle brother is still MIA? ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/32 "2013-01-10T18:51:37Z")
Just out of curiosity: Is the younger brother still a drunken prick? The way my buddies younger brother is dealing with the situation is by staying absolutely fucked up to the gills on pills, weed, and alcohol. Oh yeah, throw some meth in there, too. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/33 "2013-01-10T18:57:48Z")
To give people a better mental picture of the younger brother I should add this. He was wearing a shirt with a picture of Tupac flipping off the viewer with big, bold white letters against a black back drop exclaiming: THUG FOR LIFE. He wore it to the visitation and the funeral. I asked him why he wore that shirt and he said, “Cuz dad would have wanted me to.” ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/34 "2013-01-10T18:59:58Z")
> [@Crime\_Scene](#): > > His brother started drinking straight vodka around 1 pm; the visitation did not start until 6 pm. My friend, who has a 7 year old daughter who was close to the deceased, was absolutely distraught over his brother’s behavior. His brother, we’ll call Brody, was acting a got-damn fool. > [@](#): > > You’re right. Everyone was giving him a pass because it was his father and he was the closest to him. If it would have been my family that was involved in the funeral, even if I was a distant cousin, I would have kicked him straight the fuck out from the jump; perhaps I would have given him one or two warnings. Wait, I’m confused. Was the deceased the father or brother of the crazy guy? Or is the “His brother” referring to the bother of the crazy guy and bother were the son of the deceased? To be honest, well, I kinad sympathize with the nutter. If you father gets you addicted to drugs at a young age, yeah, you may be completely wreck your entire life. Hopefully he’ll get straightened out at some point, but I think he needs an intervention, not a snarky post on the internet. We, however, _absolutely_ need you to continue giving us the family gossip for our entertainment. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/35 "2013-01-10T19:03:39Z")
The deceased was the father of two guys I’m talking about. I’m close friends with the older brother who is 29, not so close friends with the younger brother that was actin-a-damn-foo who is 22. An intervention is not something I’d have any place in initiating or being at. I’m not close enough to him and he’s been like this for years. Also, maybe my perception of snark is wrong, but I didn’t see the post as snarky; I saw it as a way to gather my thoughts and vent. Perhaps I should have posted it in MPSIMS as I wasn’t necessarily pitting him, but rather going over his behavior that overshadowed that actual funeral. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/36 "2013-01-10T19:04:39Z")
I, also, felt sorry for him. I know he is going through a rough time, but his selfishness with his behavior was making an already sad and stressful time way worse. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/37 "2013-01-10T19:22:11Z")
> [@Obeseus](#): > > I wasn’t at this funeral, but a relative told me about it. We have a very large family, and there are always a few people pissed at someone else about something. Anyway, the husband of a distant cousin died. I had never met the guy, but I always heard he was a blow-hard asshole. Anyway, he’s in the casket, and people start talking about what an asshole he was. Then someone actually punches the dead guy and says something like, “You aren’t so tough now are you?” (I guess it takes a lot of courage to punch out a dead guy.) Anyway, others join in in taking shots at the body. Next thing you know, they are wheeling the casket around the funeral home and singing songs about the guy being an asshole. The priest who was going to say a few words got scared and took off. This one is HYSTERICAL, best funeral story EVER !!! ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/38 "2013-01-10T19:58:33Z")
I have one. Close friend of mine is married to a Persian woman, now also a friend of mine (her background is significant later). Her father - a very decent man - passed away, and out of respect I went to the funeral. It was a series of disasters. The first, and memorable unto itself, was that in the chapel thingie in the funeral home the dumbass funeral home employees put a shitload of those little tea-light like candles on a silver tray side, basically filling the tray. This was not a good idea. The candles started to burn together and melt each other, basically turning the tray into a big torch. One of the employees picked up the tray to take it outside, and I guess the handles must have been rather hot, because he started to have trouble holding onto it. A sister of my friend’s wife moved to help him and got too close - and the hairspray in her hair caught fire with a massive “foomp”. For a second, it looked like we’d have to have a second funeral … fortunately she wasn’t seriously burned, though her screams and the smell of scortched hair put everyone on edge. Second, the funeral home director person was about the last person in the world who should have that job. He kept making annoying and unnecessary references to the Persian-ness of the deceased and his family - I can’t remember what exactly he said, but it was just jarring. At one point, I guess realizing he was making a bad impression, he said something to the effect that he was sorry, he wasn’t used to doing funerals for non-White folks. This did not go over well either. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/39 "2013-01-10T20:19:46Z")
> [@Crime\_Scene](#): > > He was hellbent on “KEEPING IT REAL.” “IM THE ONLY REAL MOTHERFUCKER HERE.” I guess, by real, he meant the biggest dick who doesn’t know how to act in public. I’m surprised that Chapelle’s “When keeping it real goes wrong” is actually non-fiction. Wu Tang! ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707/40 "2013-01-10T20:34:38Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I’m surprised that Chapelle’s “When keeping it real goes wrong” is actually non-fiction. > > Wu Tang! That is exactly the skit I was thinking of the entire time he was saying, whilst wearing his Tupac “THUG FOR LIFE” shirt. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funeral-shit-show/646707.md?page=3)