# Funnest Onion story ever! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 29, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388 "2009-06-29T20:11:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/61 "2009-07-01T15:38:06Z")
I have to always watch the videos a few times so I can catch everything on the new scroll. Funny stuff. ---
**Author:** ![brossa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brossa/32/3040_2.png) [@brossa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brossa)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/62 "2009-07-01T21:10:54Z")
We had this one on the refrigerator for years: [My Baby Don’t Want No Medicine](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33332) There’s a whole series of these; sort of like a more depressing Jim Anchower. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/63 "2009-07-01T22:16:37Z")
By far the best video is [Series of Concentric Circles Emanating from Glowing Red Dot](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_series_of). ---
**Author:** ![first\_time\_caller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecae2f/32.png) [@first\_time\_caller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/first_time_caller)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/64 "2009-07-01T22:53:14Z")
I’ve always enjoyed the one where some Southern state legislature (Alabama? Mississippi?) voted to repeal voting rights for blacks on something like 230 to 3/5 (with the 3/5 being the sole black legislator). Can anyone find it? ---
**Author:** ![Spurious\_George](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Spurious\_George](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spurious_George)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/65 "2009-07-01T23:29:14Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Mine has to be [It was then that I carried you vs. Bullshit, Jesus](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34168) I think, to get hired at The Onion, you have to come up with a really good Jesus riff. These are two of my all-time favorites. [Christ Returns to NBA](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50097) [I Totally Outlived Jesus](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33678) ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/66 "2009-07-01T23:56:09Z")
Here’s another good one [I’m so starving vs I’m so starving](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34165) ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2009, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/67 "2009-07-02T01:05:53Z")
[I Am Fucking Insane](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33734) by Larry King [Fun Toy Banned Because of 3 Stupid Dead Kids](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/fun_toy_banned_because_of_three) The time Anchower inadvertently stole Smoove B’s girlfriend. I wish I could remember more details of this funny interplay. . … ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2009, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/68 "2009-07-02T02:29:24Z")
[Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake.](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28148) …this one actually made me tear up a little bit when I first read it. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/69 "2009-07-29T19:25:27Z")
**Aging Pope ‘Just Blessing Everything in Sight,’ Concerned Handlers Say** > **[The Onion | America's Finest News Source.](https://www.theonion.com/)** > > The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Svinlesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/22d042/32.png) [@Mr.Svinlesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Svinlesha)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/70 "2009-07-29T19:54:41Z")
It’s tarnished a bit with age, but [Supreme Court Rules Supreme Court Rules](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30137) had me giggling for weeks after I first read it, especially this bit: > [@](#): > > _Lott then sneered powerlessly at the Court building, from whose windows the justices were loudly blaring Twisted Sister’s 1984 youth anthem, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.”_ Brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/71 "2009-07-29T20:34:28Z")
[Five Or Six Dudes Jump Out Of Nowhere And Just Start Whaling On This One Guy](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28455) (the picture makes this one so much better than it already would be) [Bro, you’re a god among bros](http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/bro_youre_a_god_among_bros) So fucking true. Especially here out west. And of course, my favorite of all time: **HOLY SHIT, Man Walks On Fucking Moon** , which I don’t think has ever been on their website. The word choices throughout that whole article are just brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388/72 "2009-07-29T21:09:42Z")
The one that has me rolling is from [http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32478](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32478) > [@](#): > > NEW YORK—Fidelity Financial Services’ Gwen Watson, 33, shouted angrily at her IBM ViaVoice Pro USB voice-recognition software, sources close to the human-resources administrator reported Monday. “No, not Gary Friedman! Barry Friedman, you stupid computer. BARRY!” Watson was heard to scream from her cubicle. “Jesus Christ, I could’ve typed it in a hundredth of the time.” After another minute of yelling, Watson was further incensed upon looking at her screen, which read, “Barely Freedman you God ram plucking pizza ship.” This seems to be a shorter text version of the one I heard on the Onion Radio News Podcast. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funnest-onion-story-ever/501388.md?page=3)