# Funniest job application letters **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 15, 2004, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915 "2004-12-15T03:36:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915/61 "2004-12-18T14:24:14Z")
> [@Sami41](#): > > If I’m taking your comment too personally, my apologies. I suspect that you are taking facetious comments seriously. But c’mon, man, a hula-dancing, sword-fighting female bartender? That would ROCK OUT WITH IT’S COCK OUT. I bet you’d leap into the top 10 next year. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915/62 "2004-12-18T17:26:48Z")
> [@Sami41](#): > > control customers (in various states of intoxication), enforce state laws, … settle disputes, … ID people, … break up fights, and, as I like to tell my guys, _other duties as instructed_. Trust me on this, a lady bartender with a sword can do these things perhaps better than any guy you might hire. I mean would you show a fake ID to someone that had a saber pointed at your chest? Also think of the business you would do on talk like a priate day. [Ducks and runs} ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915/63 "2004-12-19T04:58:13Z")
> [@mchapman](#): > > Here is a cover letter we got recently. [snip] > You will not find many with my ability and if you pass me by because I have made mistakes in my life then hire your outsourced staff for minimum wage. I will say one thing “you are not an American who cares about American’s,” which I would not like working for an organization who manages this way. Translation: Sure I have a felony conviction, but I have experience! ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915/64 "2004-12-19T06:10:00Z")
> [@mchapman](#): > > Here is a cover letter we got recently… This is one of the best things I have read recently, has your company ever had dealings with this fellow before, or did this rant come out of nowhere? ---
**Author:** ![Adversary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@Adversary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adversary)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915/65 "2004-12-20T14:47:21Z")
The rant came out of nowhere. We did post the positions available rather widely though. We looked to see if we had past dealings with him, interview etc, and nothing was found. I was just amazed at the level of snide know-it-all that the letter contained. ---
**Author:** ![Boggette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/858c86/32.png) [@Boggette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boggette)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915/66 "2004-12-20T15:01:41Z")
Before I had a ton of experience, I used to put the following on my resume. Got me some interviews! Wench - Madame cum Laude - International Wenches Guild. (curious? [http://www.wench.org/](http://www.wench.org/)) ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915/67 "2004-12-20T17:11:13Z")
> [@Katriona](#): > > I never saw the final result, but I once worked for a school district. One day at the mall, I saw a member of our Board of Education leaving Glamour Shots. She said she was having pictures done to send with her resumes. I wish I’d thought to ask just what job she was looking for! Actually, Glamour Shots will also do professional (non-cheesy) photo shoots. The ones I’ve seen aren’t quite up to the works of some excellent professional headshots I’ve seen (as required by actors, real estate brokers, etc.), but it might be either what she could afford at the time, or they (GS) might be the only place available (at the time) in town. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-job-application-letters/279915.md?page=3)