# Funniest "M\*A\*S\*H" scene or episode **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 5, 2009, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775 "2009-06-05T03:21:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ceejaytee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ceejaytee/32/2956_2.png) [@Ceejaytee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ceejaytee)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/41 "2009-06-05T17:32:36Z")
It’s freezing out and has been for some time. Henry goes into his office to discover his desk top lying on the floor, since someone cut off the legs to use as firewood. Radar points out how cold it’s been, and Henry replies: “I know, but to cut off a man’s legs, and steal his drawers.” The delivery kills me every time. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/42 "2009-06-05T17:35:23Z")
Sauron’s second scene is the one I was going to mention. I always felt that that scene is the essence of what made Winchester a better character than Frank Burns. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/43 "2009-06-05T17:38:23Z")
> [@Ceejaytee](#): > > It’s freezing out and has been for some time. Henry goes into his office to discover his desk top lying on the floor, since someone cut off the legs to use as firewood. Radar points out how cold it’s been, and Henry replies: “I know, but to cut off a man’s legs, and steal his drawers.” > > The delivery kills me every time. I think that’s the same episode that ends with Henry calling I-Corps from his office, which has been stripped bare of everything combustible. It’s basically him and the floor. He’s trying to explain why he needs to requisition a whole new office, and he says “I’m talking to you from the middle of a great big empty right now.” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/44 "2009-06-05T18:15:21Z")
> [@Sauron](#): > > “I’m talking to you from the middle of a great big empty right now.” “Radar, there’s no jeep here, there’s only a whole lot of here here!” ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/45 "2009-06-05T19:09:14Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > “Radar, there’s no jeep here, there’s only a whole lot of here here!” Oooh, that reminds me of the episode in which Radar \* is mailing a Jeep home to Iowa, one piece at a time (sort of a [reverse-Johnny Cash](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_piece_at_a_time):D). I think Hawkeye said something like, “When Radar’s mailman realizes he’s delivered a Jeep, he’s going to have a retroactive hernia.” - - note that this marks it as an early episode, in which Radar was sneaky and conniving, since Radar actually became _more_ naive as the war progressed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Joe_Meager)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/46 "2009-06-05T19:21:10Z")
The whole camp (?) needs to be inoculated (vaccinated?) against something. Hawkeye gives Margaret her shot, she demands to receive it in her arm. Next she goes to inject Hawkeye, and asks where he wants it. \ “Oh, I want it in my tush…” and drops trou. Margaret spikes him. Hard. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/47 "2009-06-05T19:30:19Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](#): > > The whole camp (?) needs to be inoculated (vaccinated?) against something. Hawkeye gives Margaret her shot, she demands to receive it in her arm. Next she goes to inject Hawkeye, and asks where he wants it. She jabbed him hard because he was laughing about Radar walking in on them. In another episode he injects her in the tushy. Margaret: “Don’t say anything. Not a word!” Hawkeye: “I won’t. But if I did say a word, that word would be ‘magnificent!’” ---
**Author:** ![LionelHutz405](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lionelhutz405/32/536_2.png) [@LionelHutz405](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LionelHutz405)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/48 "2009-06-05T19:46:04Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Henry came back from leave in Tokyo in love with an 18-year old. She comes to visit the 4077th. Henry hugs her and says “You smell terrific. What are you wearing?” She whispers into his ear “Practically nothing.” The look on his face is memorable. I remember he was trying to act younger and when asked what he wanted to drink replied "a peach blow fizz’. That cracked me up. I always say that now when asked what I want to drink. One of these days I’m going regret it and meet someone who actually can make one. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/49 "2009-06-05T19:46:50Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > Oooh, that reminds me of the episode in which Radar \* is mailing a Jeep home to Iowa, one piece at a time (sort of a [reverse-Johnny Cash](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_piece_at_a_time):D). > > I think Hawkeye said something like, “When Radar’s mailman realizes he’s delivered a Jeep, he’s going to have a retroactive hernia.” > > - > - note that this marks it as an early episode, in which Radar was sneaky and conniving, since Radar actually became _more_ naive as the war progressed. 😃 I’m pretty sure that is the Christmas episode where Hawkeye is writing home to his father. One of my favorites. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/50 "2009-06-05T20:34:06Z")
Wow so many good moments mentioned. One of my faves is when the propaganda bomb is dropped on the camp and Hawkeye and Trapper are following directions from Henry Blake on how to defuse it. Henry’s reading the directions one at a time, when you realize he didn’t read the full sentence. Something along the general idea of… [Henry Blake] “unscrew the locking not on the back of the tail fin assembly.” (Trapper and Hawkeye do this step) [Henry Blake] “But first, cut the red wire.” It was so unexpected. I’ll also second the horizontal stripe suit. Hilarious. Whiplash Whang, and the poker game; for that matter, pretty much any episode with Col. Flagg ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/51 "2009-06-05T20:40:30Z")
> [@Enright3](#): > > pretty much any episode with Col. Flagg “No one ever sees me leave. I’m like the wind.” _CRASH!_ “‘The wind’ just broke his leg.” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/52 "2009-06-05T20:57:03Z")
> [@Enright3](#): > > Henry’s reading the directions one at a time, when you realize he didn’t read the full sentence. That happened in real life to me. Two coworkers and I were trying to clean a printer, which was far more complicated than it should have been. One guy was reading the instructions out of a book and the other two of us were doing what we were told. “Step 37: Remove the whozy from the whatzit and clean off all debris.” OK, did that. What’s next? Page turn. “IMPORTANT! Never touch the whozy with your bare hands, as this will damage the delicate surface and necessitate a very expensive service call.” Of course that made me immediately think about that episode. ---
**Author:** ![twit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twit)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/53 "2009-06-05T21:02:16Z")
I like the one with the gurney races with Henry doing his commentating about “BOUNCING BETTY!” That and Klinger dressed up as the Statue of Liberty as Gen. Macarthur drove through the 4077th. ---
**Author:** ![FalconFinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@FalconFinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FalconFinder)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/54 "2009-06-05T21:02:46Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > I love the scene where they are all watching a movie together in the mess hall and the projector breaks down so they start entertaining themselves by acting out scenes in the movie, singing the “They say in the army…” song, and–funniest of all–doing impressions of Father Mulcahy. “Jocularity! Jocularity!” “My Darling Clementine” is the name of that ep. This one made me laugh so hard when I first saw it, I fell off my couch and couldn’t breathe for a good 5 minutes at Frank’s stanza of the song: “Oh, Hawkeye and BJ, they think they’re pretty smart. I’d like to take a scalpel and stab 'em in the heart! – Hey, this is fun! – I don’t want no more of Army life, gee, Mom, I wanna go home…” ---
**Author:** ![Lillith\_Fair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@Lillith\_Fair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lillith_Fair)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/55 "2009-06-05T21:04:57Z")
When Col. Potter was new and Radar wanted to keep that horse. He brings in the horse and says “here are the keys.” Something like that. Then Potter slips in some horse droppings which Burns & Hot Lips find disgusting and he said it was a “tiptoe through the tulips” for him. The “real big empty” is one of my favorite lines ever. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/56 "2009-06-05T21:21:39Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > You didn’t garble some of the details. You garbled all of them! > > It was BJ that was going to go up the water tower. > > BJ: “It’s pretty high.” > > Hawkeye: “You want the other end?” > > BJ: “It’s not so high.” How I could possible have missed that episode over all these years I’ll never know. When they put a concrete floor in the OR after several mishaps and Burns or Winchester walks onto new newly finished but unset concrete after having refused to assist in the work. Hawkeye tosses his trowel to him and deadpans, “I don’t know about you, but I’m throwing in the trowel.” ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/57 "2009-06-05T21:39:08Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > When they put a concrete floor in the OR after several mishaps and Burns or Winchester walks onto new newly finished but unset concrete after having refused to assist in the work. Winchester. Burns could never pull off the kind of smug Charles does, and therefor could not have MADE the episode like he did. Easy way to remember - it was a non-cross-dressing Klinger episode. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/58 "2009-06-05T21:41:57Z")
In Winchester’s very first episode, he’s playing cards with some bigshot general in a hospital (in Seoul? Tokyo, maybe?) and is clearly winning big. The general gets a call and learns that 4077th needs a new surgeon. The general smiles wickedly and says to his caller, “I have just the man for you…” ---
**Author:** ![Prelude\_to\_Fascination](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Prelude\_to\_Fascination](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prelude_to_Fascination)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2009, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/59 "2009-06-06T01:18:04Z")
I’ve seen all the episodes so many times over the decades, most of them aren’t funny to me anymore. But two bits I’ll mention: When Henry’s killed, and Radar walks into the OR and tells the group that Henry’s plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan…“there were no survivors…” Okay, not funny, but for years, that made me tear up. And I’ll make up for that with this: One line from Potter still cracks me up, and I think it’s a combination of wording and Harry Morgan’s delivery. Potter’s dictating a letter to Quartermaster Corps, and says, “We requested rectal thermometers, and you send us spark plugs! Both useful articles, but hardly interchangeable!” ---
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2009, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775/60 "2009-06-06T01:36:09Z")
Radar: “Excuse me, Colonel sir…” Potter: “Radar, you can call me Colonel, or you can call me sir, but not both.” Radar: “Yes sir, Colonel.” Potter: “That’s better”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-m-a-s-h-scene-or-episode/498775.md?page=4)