# funniest movie review ?...couple of candidates. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 17, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060 "2003-03-17T18:28:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![minega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@minega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minega)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/1 "2003-03-17T18:28:04Z")
And of course, its Harry Knowles > **[BLADE 2 review](http://legacy.aintitcool.com/node/11793)** > > A warning: BLADE 2 is an R-rated movie. This is the NC-17 Review of it. You have been warned. For me to review BLADE 2, it is a major conflict of interest, because Guillermo Del Toro and I are brothers. His father says so. His wife... > **[CHARLIE'S ANGELS review](http://legacy.aintitcool.com/node/7352)** > > I have had a terrible week... it is as if all the cool karma I had in the world went towards that PLAYBOY MANSION trip, then suddenly... harsh reality came crashing down upon my dearest possessions. Halloween came and went wonderfully...... And i would pick Roger Ebert’s ‘Freddy got fingered’ review simply for the line ‘This is not a bottom of the barrel movie. It is not even below the bottom of the barrel, it does not deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as barrels!’ ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/2 "2003-03-17T18:34:22Z")
Well, I kinda like the reviews I did for _Movieline_ back in the '90s, but then, I’m biased . . . ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/3 "2003-03-17T18:35:36Z")
The Onion’s reviews often have great lines. Reindeer Games: “…Kruger’s script doesn’t require suspension of disbelief so much as it requires viewers to abandon knowledge of the material world altogether.” Analyze That: "…Analyze That picks up where its predecessor left off: at a logical endpoint requiring no sequel. " ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/4 "2003-03-17T18:36:39Z")
[http://www.jabootu.com/be.htm](http://www.jabootu.com/be.htm) Almost makes the film worthwhile. Almost. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/5 "2003-03-17T18:47:45Z")
[http://hotx.com/joebob/](http://hotx.com/joebob/) Joe Bob Briggs. This site is a little out of date, but Joe-Bob’s Drive-In movie reviews are classics. My personal favorite is his review of _Frankenhooker_. A used-book store might have copies of his books, _Joe-Bob Goes to the Drive-In_ and _Joe-Bob Goes Back to the Drive-In._ ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/6 "2003-03-17T18:54:17Z")
[http://hotx.com/joebob/](http://hotx.com/joebob/) Joe Bob Briggs. This site is a little out of date, but Joe-Bob’s Drive-In movie reviews are classics. My personal favorite is his review of _Frankenhooker_. A used-book store might have copies of his books, _Joe-Bob Goes to the Drive-In_ and _Joe-Bob Goes Back to the Drive-In._ ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/7 "2003-03-17T19:20:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*Well, I kinda like the reviews I did for _Movieline_ back in the '90s, but then, I’m biased . . . \*\* I remember these. They were great. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/8 "2003-03-17T19:48:39Z")
I’ll second **The Onion** reviews. > [@](#): > > From the review of _Teaching Mrs. Tingle:_ > You can almost see the final drops being siphoned out of Scream and Dawson’s Creek creator Kevin Williamson’s creative well in Teaching Mrs. Tingle, his directorial debut. > [@](#): > > From the review of _Patch Adams:_ > Not content to merely milk the natural climaxes of Adams’ inspiring true-life story, Shadyac inserts false climaxes into nearly every scene, never letting the audience forget that it is watching something hilarious, heart-warming, and life-affirming. As a result, the film begins to resemble the dramatic equivalent of a porno movie, with emotional orgasms spewing forth at a rapid clip. By the time Patch Adams reaches its narrative climax, it has long since shot its dramatic load. > [@](#): > > From the review of _You’ve Got Mail:_ > The romance is both ploddingly obvious and woefully unconvincing, the comedy is alternately condescending and clueless, and You’ve Got Mail as a whole is atrociously, almost unwatchably saccharine, representing pretty much everything wrong with today’s big-budget, high-concept Hollywood filmmaking. Their bad reviews are so much more entertaining than the good ones. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/9 "2003-03-17T20:00:23Z")
A now-defunct computer game site had the best review title of all time: _Dungeons and Dragons Movie Fails Saving Throw Against Sucking Ass_. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Murcielago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Murcielago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Murcielago)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/10 "2003-03-17T20:08:12Z")
[The Filthy Critic](http://bigempire.com/filthy/) is the alter-ego of a small time amateur filmmaker. His choice of language may put some off, but many reviews are hilarious. From the current review of _Willard_: Awful because it’s such a lame and unoriginal hack job full of tired ideas dressed up with pretty lighting. I got the sense director and writer Glen Morgan must think he’s really clever and “out there”, but so does an annoying receptionist who says her life should be a sitcom and constantly tells people “they broke the mold after me” because she loves “Dilbert” so much. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/11 "2003-03-17T20:11:36Z")
I’ve never actually seen this one, and it’s hard to represent in print, but… [Glenn Miller’s _Pennsylvania 6-500_ plays] I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I [just in time with the singers:] _Transylvania 6-5000_ stinks! Leonard Maltin, _Entertainment Tonight_. ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/12 "2003-03-17T20:15:37Z")
When I saw the thread title I instantly thought of Ebert’s _Freddy Got Fingered_ review. Since that’s been mentioned, I’ll add Mister Cranky’s [review](http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/wheretheheartis.html) for _Where the Heart Is_. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/13 "2003-03-17T21:17:51Z")
Thank you, darling. “I _am_ big—it’s the movie magazines that got small!” ---
**Author:** ![Elvis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@Elvis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elvis)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/14 "2003-03-17T21:19:00Z")
Once upon a time the TV insert in the Sunday _New York Times_ actually offered a very brief editorial comment on any movies in that week’s schedule. Back then there were only 10 channels, so they had a lot more room… Anyway, one night their one-liner on the submarie potboiler _Run Silent, Run Deep_ was “Ran noisy, ran shallow.” ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/15 "2003-03-17T21:51:20Z")
I once followed the link in our very own **Cervaise’s** sig to his MovieGeek Central homepage. You simply have to read his review of [BattleField Earth](http://moviegeek.homestead.com/files/battlefieldearth.htm) . It is a bit long, but well worth it. Opening lines? Oh. My. God. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/16 "2003-03-17T23:09:45Z")
My favorite was Roger Ebert’s review of [Monsters, Inc.](http://www.suntimes.com/ebert/ebert_reviews/2001/11/110203.html). > [@](#): > > The sexy Celia (voice by Jennifer Tilly) has a crush on Wazowski. What she sees in him is beyond me, although if there is anyone who can figure out how to have sex with a green eyeball, that would be Jennifer Tilly. I can imagine her brassy voice: ‘‘Blink! Blink!’’ ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/17 "2003-03-17T23:15:15Z")
I’d like to nominate the movie for which Mr. Cranky had to add a new basement to his rating system, **[Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2](http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/blairwitch2.html)**. Some quotes: > [@](#): > > I’m willing to bet anything that if you gave a camera and a million dollar budget to every single person in the United States, 99.9% of them would make a better film than “Blair Witch 2.” Hell, I’m willing to bet that if you strapped an 8mm camera to the back of a nauseous cat and threw it in a small room, the resulting footage would be better than “Blair Witch 2.” > … > There is no moment in this film that doesn’t go beyond pure incompetence. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/18 "2003-03-17T23:28:08Z")
I recommend to you Ebert’s book I Hated, Hated _Hated_ This Movie. Some of the reviews in there, which are from before 1985 and can’t be found elsewhere, are utterly freakin’ hilarious. Some standouts: _Food of the Gods_, _Lord Shango_, _I Am Curious (Yellow)_. ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/19 "2003-03-18T05:11:00Z")
What are the famous one word reviews? The only one I can think of is (I think) Ebert’s review of _Isn’t it Romantic?_, which was simply, “No.” I’d like to nominate _Mike Nelson’s Movie Megachees_. It’s really excellent dry humor. Some of the best lines: “_Road House_ is the single finest American film. Surely it stinks, but I believe the filmmakers meant it to, and succeeded grandly.” “If you are a narcoleptic, alcoholic 11-year-old, then I can heartily reccommend the _Batman_ series entire!” “I’d like to thank the internet movie rental service which allowed me never to say to another human being, ‘I’d like to rent _Lost in Space_, please’.” ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060/20 "2003-03-18T06:23:27Z")
Ebert’s review of _North_ was hilarious. Even funnier was hearing it get read at Rob Reiner’s Friars Club roast. “I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated it. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.” That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you slam a movie. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-movie-review-couple-of-candidates/162060.md?page=2)