# Funniest Newspaper Headline **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 6, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607 "2000-06-06T22:43:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/21 "2000-06-08T20:58:47Z")
My favorite remains the headline reporting the outcome of a womens’ basketball game between the University of Washington (the Huskies) and the University of Oregon (Oregon State?) (the Ducks): **HUSKY WOMEN POUND DUCKS** ---
**Author:** ![randomlyblanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@randomlyblanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randomlyblanks)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/22 "2000-06-08T21:15:49Z")
**Congress deals Clinton new blow** This was when the house voted to impeach him. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/23 "2000-06-08T21:22:07Z")
[hijack] poogas, remember the ‘favorite T-shirt’ thread a few months back? You posted a pic of a T-shirt…I tracked it down and ordered one. The Lee Harvey Oswald Band. (I plan to wear it to Satan’s Summer Shindig; it’s twisted enough for the occasion!) Thanks, guy. I’m forever in your debt! [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/24 "2000-06-08T21:45:17Z")
From [Tina’s archives](http://www.monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/headline.html) > [@](#): > > Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link > Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training > Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge > Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped > Prostitutes appeal to Pope > Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over > Soviet virgin lands short of goal again > British left waffles on Falkland Islands > Eye drops off shelf Another good collection is [Moronic News Headlines](http://www.robinsweb.com/humor/headlines.html) > [@](#): > > Air Head fired > Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy ---
**Author:** ![randomlyblanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@randomlyblanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randomlyblanks)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/25 "2000-06-08T23:16:24Z")
RTF-I have shown so many people that shirt it’s amazing. Everyone loves it! ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/26 "2000-06-08T23:56:49Z")
One of my favorites from the Salem _Statesman-Journal_ was a photograph of a toddler on a “Big Wheel” which was tipping over. The unrelated article next to the photo was about a teenager who’d stolen the family car and crashed it on I-5. The humorously juxtaposed headline was something like “Youth Wrecks Vehicle, Ties Up I-5 Traffic For Hours.” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/27 "2000-06-09T01:06:05Z")
Great Idea, this thread. This isn’t so funny as the high school girls knocked up one, but our local excuse for a paper had a headline that wasn’t really that funny as it was pathetic for what the 19 year old guy did. Some young adult was found sleeping off drinking in his running car which was in a ditch, and the officer who also noted that in the back of his pick up, there was a deer bagged out of season. This doofus also had a bag of weed on him too. The guy screwed himself in so many ways it was really comical. The headline was something like, \*Drunk sleeping driver arrested for possession of deer and drugs. \* ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/28 "2000-06-09T12:42:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > My favorite remains the headline reporting the outcome of a womens’ basketball game between the University of Washington (the Huskies) and the University of Oregon (Oregon State?) (the Ducks): **HUSKY WOMEN POUND DUCKS** > \*\* This one reminds me of the headline in the local paper last year when Bauxite (Miners) beat Glen Rose (Beavers)… ``` **MINERS POUND BEAVERS** ``` ---
**Author:** ![writefetus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9de053/32.png) [@writefetus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/writefetus)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/29 "2000-06-13T15:11:13Z")
…ok here are two from my local paper the Athens (GA) Banner/Daily news: Upon the election of(the Polish born) JP II to the Papacy they ran the Banner headline:“First non-Catholic pope elected”…no joke, My parents still have that one in a scrapbook somewhere the second one that I recall concerned a sports headline regarding our University team the Bulldogs (woof,woof,woof)and an injured lineman named (dangerously) Happy Dix, the editor was all set to run a header that read “Dogs to play without Dix”, however the editor nixed that in favor of the superior “Dogs to play with Dix out” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Al\_Phosgene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Al\_Phosgene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al_Phosgene)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/30 "2000-06-13T18:31:23Z")
“Interest Rates Raised to Stop Inflation” ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/31 "2000-06-13T18:41:28Z")
When Larry Johnson signed a big contract with the Charlotte Hornets, the Raleigh News & Observer ran the headline: “72 million dollar Johnson”. I kept that one. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2000, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/32 "2000-06-14T02:40:57Z")
When the National Gallery did an exhibition of Victorian art depicting fairies and elves and whatnot, the Globe and Mail ran a headline “Getting in touch with your inner fairy.” Of course, I just haaahd to clip it out and save it, dahhling. ---
**Author:** ![Altair\_8800](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4491bb/32.png) [@Altair\_8800](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Altair_8800)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/33 "2000-06-26T18:10:06Z")
I saw this one on the front page of a local paper right after Hurricane Bonnie tore through the small town of Clinton, NC: BONNIE BLOWS CLINTON ---
**Author:** ![andyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@andyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andyman)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/34 "2000-06-26T20:19:50Z")
When Sesame Street Live came to a nearby city, the city’s paper ran a picture of the characters with their names underneath. However, they left the “o” out of “The Count” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/35 "2000-06-26T22:24:23Z")
A classified ad, under “business opportunities” in the back of **Backwoods Home Magazine**. Jay actually showed it on TV. I forgot the exact wording, but it was something along the lines of > [@](#): > > Partner needed to help test time machine. Must bring own weapons. The next month, there was an ad saying the project had been cancelled due to “technical difficulties”… ---
**Author:** ![timmar68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@timmar68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/timmar68)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/36 "2000-06-27T01:38:35Z")
Every year over here there is an event called “CounrtFest” where country starts play for 3 days outdorrs. The headline this year read: “Working the Country Beat- Police and emergency workers shoot for law and order on grounds”. ---
**Author:** ![osiej](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a5b964/32.png) [@osiej](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/osiej)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/37 "2000-06-27T02:07:59Z")
from the Houston Chronical Spanish Edition (I don’t speak Spanish)- During the shrub’s last gubnetorial(sp?) election here, his campaign slogan was “Together We Can” the Chronical Spanish Language Edition translated the slogan, but made a slight error. When translated back to english, the slogan read, “Together we Fart”. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/38 "2000-06-27T02:08:11Z")
The New York Post is not exactly a banner for journalism, but they make great headlines. The best one is undoubtedly this well-known one: Cop Gives Waitress $2 Million Tip ---
**Author:** ![Kiva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d78d45/32.png) [@Kiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiva)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/39 "2000-06-27T09:00:49Z")
On the front page of the Seattle Times, at the top, there is a section that tells what the feature stories are in the other sections of the paper (Local, Entertainment, Sports, etc). One day, there was a headline that read something like “Teen Arrested for Bellevue Slayings,” and right beside it was a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio. There was just a thin divider line between the text and the photo, separating the Local news headline from the Entertainment news picture, indistinguishable on first glance. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607/40 "2000-06-27T18:45:14Z")
From the Chronicle. **"Gore Debuts as Action Ranger Nerd"** It referred to his guest apperence on Futurama. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-newspaper-headline/21607.md?page=3)