# Funniest Product Description I've Seen in a While. . **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2023, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916 "2023-05-12T00:52:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/1 "2023-05-12T00:52:11Z")
While searching for items at my local grocery store’s website, the list included “Buffalo Trace.” Naturally, I had to find out what that was. What I found was a description so profoundly man-oriented it is right up there with the pancake mix thread. I also can’t help thinking that they are trying to subtlety hint at it’s onanistic uses. Tell me I’m wrong: “Oak barrel. Woodsy. Amber. Shower Like a Grown Man: Fact: Teenage body washes are weak, watered down, and smell like a freshmen dorm room. Simply put, they don’t get the job done. Hard-working men require a shower of substance to accomplish a full day’s work. That’s why Duke Cannon’s Thick is formulated with a noticeably higher viscosity and built to work effectively on your body, not spew down the shower drain. This woodsy, oak barrel scent is inspired by the rack houses at our favorite place in the world, the Buffalo Trace Distillery. Plant-based thickeners for superior lather. Mineral enriched to subtly exfoliate. Aloe vera to hydrate and protect. Bonus: No loofah required. 3x thicker than teenage body wash. Naturally derived fragrance. Paraben, phthalate, and cruelty free. Not for clowns. A portion of proceeds benefits U.S. veterans. Cruelty free. Never tested on animals. Just bad interns. Duke Cannon always recycles. Made in USA.” [Here are some of there other scents.](https://dukecannon.com/collections/thick-exfoliating-shower-soap?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=Cj0KCQjwpPKiBhDvARIsACn-gzCfTTTSJQYLvCjJNetnsTd3yZqT8YhtuSuJDgW4z3NtzwjncznFS7EaAgB2EALw_wcB) I wonder what “Naval Diplomacy” smells like? 🤣 🤣 🤣 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/2 "2023-05-12T00:53:39Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Not for clowns Well, they’ve lost my business. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/3 "2023-05-12T01:00:40Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I wonder what “Naval Diplomacy” smells like? It used to be called “Naval Supremacy”, so I assume diesel. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/4 "2023-05-12T01:17:09Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I also can’t help thinking that they are trying to subtlety hint at it’s onanistic uses. Tell me I’m wrong “Spew” was the giveaway. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/5 "2023-05-12T02:54:44Z")
But “No loofah required”? I’ve never considered using a loofah for that purpose, and now that I’ve considered it, I wish I hadn’t. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/6 "2023-05-12T04:17:29Z")
I’m not a big fan of using liquid soap in the shower because it’s too runny; it sounds like I’m supposed to be the target market. I didn’t really get a whack off vibe from the description, but I can see how others might. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/7 "2023-05-12T04:54:54Z")
I’ve seen the Duke Cannon line. I don’t know if they’re trying to appeal to the manly man market, the novelty gifter market, or the bear market ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/8 "2023-05-12T23:01:16Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > shower because it’s too runny I’ve used their thick products for a few years. It does not run down the drain. Also has a little “grit” in it to exfoliate if you are into,that sort of thing. Available at Duluth Trading as well as other places. ---
**Author:** ![eschrodinger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschrodinger/32/122_2.png) [@eschrodinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschrodinger)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2023, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/9 "2023-05-13T02:09:53Z")
I always read the descriptions in my inner Ron Swanson voice. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2023, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/10 "2023-05-13T02:25:07Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Never tested on animals. Just bad interns. - 😁 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2023, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-product-description-ive-seen-in-a-while/983916/11 "2023-05-16T01:41:22Z")
> [@GaryM](#): > > Also has a little “grit” in it to exfoliate if you are into,that sort of thing. But does it have actual pumice stone in it like one of my [girly pink-bottled body scrubs](https://www.amazon.com/Formula-10-0-6-Exfoliating-Hydrates-Smooths/dp/B0887LWD4W)?