# Funniest Sig Lines! (and other funny quotes) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2005, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105 "2005-01-22T17:09:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Frankenbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c0e974/32.png) [@Frankenbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frankenbear)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/21 "2005-01-23T07:57:34Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > to somebody on this board, whoever you are: thanks for posting this one–It’s given me lotsa laffs: > > “People are like slinkies — not really good for anything, but you can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs” Glad you liked it. ---
**Author:** ![BlueKangaroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@BlueKangaroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueKangaroo)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/22 "2005-01-23T08:03:12Z")
> [@jimpatro](#): > > One of my all time favorites. And I also apologize for forgetting the poster. > Paraphrasing: > > I used to pray to God to give me a bike. Then I figured out he doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and prayed for forgiveness. Yeah, I love this one too. The poster is [**Dante**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5752278&postcount=17). ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/23 "2005-01-23T08:13:42Z")
> [@BlueKangaroo](#): > > Yeah, I love this one too. The poster is [**Dante**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5752278&postcount=17). …courtesy of Emo Phillips. Although I considered using this one: > [@Emo Phillips](#): > > The other day a woman came up to me and said, “Didn’t I see you on television?” I said, “I don’t know. You can’t see out the other way.” ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/24 "2005-01-23T09:29:20Z")
From [post #42](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5748616&postcount=42) in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=298154) : > [@voguevixen](#): > > Can’t we have ONE simple discussion about terrorism, science fiction, and bad drivers without dragging Mark Twain into it? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/25 "2005-01-23T11:58:27Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > Because 24pt red type is hard to miss… 😛 “Who Knows does not talk. Who talks does not Know.” -Lao Tzu, To Te Ching 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/26 "2005-01-23T13:52:27Z")
I found some more: **Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 1990-1951** **The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.** **Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.** ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/27 "2005-01-23T14:02:46Z")
This came from my girlfriend’s t-shirt but it’s a great line… Spooning leads to Forking ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/28 "2005-01-23T14:26:20Z")
Near the end of _Zombie! vs. Mardi Gras_, a shot of a horse that is harnessed to a carriage: ‘The whip is in my head. The whip is in my head. _There is no wagon_.’ ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/29 "2005-01-23T15:24:53Z")
“Give me immortality, or give me death!”–Firesign Theater ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/30 "2005-01-23T15:31:21Z")
Old people come to me at a wedding and say "you’re next”, when I go to a funeral I do the same to them. Only in America…do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering The US spent $12,000,000,000 and 10 years inventing a pen that worked in outer space. The Russians used a pencil. When your dad is mad and he asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/31 "2005-01-23T17:15:59Z")
Here’s a few I’ve picked up from various places, mostly The Dope. Fanatics are picturesque, mankind would rather see gestures than listen to reasons. “Faith” means not wanting to know what is true. I need that like I need two assholes. No amount of belief makes something a fact. Oops! Turns out Soylent Green is spinach, after all. Sorry if I upset anyone. See the one-sided naked girls at the Mobius Strip Club! And God saw everything He and made, and He saw that it was very good; and God said "It just goes to show Me what the private sector can accomplish. With a lot of fool regulations, this could have taken billions of years. “When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.” ~ Eric Hoffer “Reinhart was never his mother’s favorite - and he was an only child” It’s time to make like a fetus and head on out! She told me she loved me like a brother. She is from Arkansas, hence the Joy! Gatopescado on the SDMB I bring the world my somber insights, my dreary recitations of numbing inevitability, and it is my curse to amuse. So empty inside… Food tastes better if you’ve been cruel to it. when two opposite points of view are expressed with equal intensity, the truth does not necessarily lie exactly halfway between them. It is possible for one side to be simply wrong. Meineke Sucks More Than a Whore on a Saturday Night In theory, there’s no difference between theory and practice. But in practice there is. Observe the snow. It fornicates. Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Carl Jung “I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this. (Sopranos) Carpe diem: Seize the day! Carp in denim: There’s a fish in my pants! I would’ve thought women’s bike shorts would be built like a cheap hotel; no ballroom. I once read (not my own words, I swear) that arguing online is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you’re still retarded. Everything is dangerous if you’re stupid. C code. C code run. Run, code, run I offer up the giggle of a preteen girl _tee hee_! You have the profound wisdom of King Solomon’s pet horse, Herman. Rhum Runner I wish you luck on your bar exam, each and every time you take it. So go back there, you ignorant fucknozzle, and stop rubbing the sandpaper of your stupidity across the testicles of my eyeballs. “It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.” -John Andrew Holmes Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that She is pink; logically, we know She is invisible because we can’t see Her. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. mangina The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is an opportunity to experience all three simultaneously. There most certainly is such a thing as a bad blow job. It felt like she was sucking snot out of an overcooked bockwurst. similar to being the Valedictorian of summer school? I figure that every time I say something stupid a little bit of ignorance leaves my head. Off to the clue store. Need anything? The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs Maybe he’s just acting stupid to infiltrate a gang of international idiots. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/32 "2005-01-23T17:19:01Z")
Let me see if I can remember one of my favorites correctly: “I’ve found I scream the same way if a Great White is about to eat me or a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” And more: “If we quit voting, will they all go away?” “Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.” “The sex was so good, even the neighrbors had a cigarette.” And one more: “I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/33 "2005-01-23T17:48:48Z")
‘“Know thyself”? If I new myself I’d run away.’ – Goethe ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/34 "2005-01-23T23:56:12Z")
Does a cow have Buddha nature? Ankh if you love Isis I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/35 "2005-01-24T00:31:42Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > “People are like slinkies — not really good for anything, but you can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs” Pak chooie unf. ---
**Author:** ![LVgeogeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b19c9b/32.png) [@LVgeogeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVgeogeek)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/36 "2005-01-24T00:47:10Z")
saw this one on /. messageboard “there is no spoon, only zeul” ---
**Author:** ![bob\_loblaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@bob\_loblaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_loblaw)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/37 "2005-01-24T01:02:03Z")
sigs from another board: “i fought the law, and uh, d’you know they have computers in jail now?” and “there’s one in every family, and if you can’t think who it is in your family, it’s you.” ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/38 "2005-01-24T02:09:51Z")
“Arguing with anonymous strangers on the internet is a sucker’s game, since they invariably turn out to be, or to be indistinguishable from, arrogant, selfish sixteen-year-olds with infintie amounts of spare time.” ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/39 "2005-01-24T02:11:07Z")
Am I butterfly dreaming I’m a man? Or a bowling ball dreaming I’m a plate of sashimi? Never assume what you see and feel is real! -some Chrono Trigger character Man, that sodomy ban was a real pain in the ass Artificial Intelligence: AI recognized the ethical dilemmas inherent in creating a robot who can love, but no one took the movie seriously, because it was so boring. Erector sets are a great way to get your pre-teen started on making juvenile sex puns. Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. ---
**Author:** ![WeRSauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f19dbf/32.png) [@WeRSauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WeRSauron)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105/40 "2005-01-24T02:46:30Z")
Two I haven’t seen as sig lines, nor are all that funny, but which I think are fantabulous: “I will have these people’s stony hearts for paperweights. I will play badmitton with the souls of their firstborns” by **Juniper200** [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=3639002&postcount=58). “When crossed, I’m ruthless. I will push you under the train and use your blood to polish my shoes” by **Eve** [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5498886&postcount=14). I agree that **Bosda** ’s sigs are worth checking out. WRS - We bow to their magnificence. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-sig-lines-and-other-funny-quotes/286105.md?page=3)