# Funniest Star Trek moment **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 8, 2006, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926 "2006-05-08T18:12:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/61 "2006-05-09T02:26:30Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Hilarious scene. It was made even funnier by Scotty’s accent getting thicker as had more to drink. That was one of my favorites… “We deed eet, yu and meee!” followed by him Kissing the bottle. Others of note: Star Trek II About to beam down to the centre of Regula McCoy: Go? Suppose they went no where? Kirk: Then this will be your big chance to get away from it all What makes the scene is the Dirty look he shoots at Kirk which seemed mixed with genuine fear Star Trek III Kirk: How many fingers am I holding up? (Gives Vulcan salute) McCoy: That’s not very damned funny. (Gets a shot) What the hell is that? Kirk: You are suffering from a mind Meld, Doctor. McCoy: That green blooded sonofabitch… It’s his way at getting back at me for all those arguments he lost. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/62 "2006-05-09T02:36:34Z")
> [@Khan](#): > > Also, from “The Doomsday Machine,” there was an exchange between Kirk and Decker that went something like this: > > Kirk: “Matt, where’s your crew?” > Decker: “On the planet!” > Kirk: “What planet?” > Decker: “There was, but not any more!!” > > No doubt one of the most unintentionally funny exchanges in the series. I can almost imagine that exchange being followed with “Somebody set up us the bomb.” ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/63 "2006-05-09T02:57:02Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > What does it mean, ST5? ^ :dubious: ^ Let me quote you from a letter to the editor in a local paper in… let’s say Vulcan Manitoba: \*\*Dear Mister Editor My name is Virginia and I am a eight year old Star Trek Fan. I was talking to my friends about Star Trek V when they told me it doesn’t exist. I asked my father who said that if you need a tough question answered honestly then write to the Newspaper. Please sir can you tell me Is there a Star Trek V? Virgina\*\* \*Yes Virginia there is a Star Trek 5. Today’s jaded fans may wish to tell you otherwise but that is because in this world of CGI, trashy “Reimagining” and revisionist film making people have lost sight of what is real anymore. Star Trek V is poorly written film which was directed as a showpiece for the ego of one actor, who misused the resources and talents of the fellow cast and crew. It is a bad film that happens to be tied to a very popular franchise. But exist it does and like the mangy dog you find eating rotten meat out of a dumpster that has the vague smell of an unairconditioned morgue on a hot summers day it too needs a home. Sure it stinks and you can’t quite get the smell out of your nose for weeks but it is your dog. It will follow you around no matter how much you try to ignore it so you have two choices… pretend it does not exist while everyone in smelling distance points at the putrid little fellow, or accept the thing for what it is. Remember we’re not like those unnamed other Sci Fi (but really more of a fantasy) fans here, we know that Trek can and often does put out some clunkers and let’s face it down right stinkers now and then. Way to Eden anyone? Usually we embrace the bad mistakes our franchise has made and we don’t rewrite history like e a certain other franchise tries to do. It is what gives us that rare gift of not being an overly serious anal retentive fandork. Yes we’re weird but only in a slightly goofy way and not an obsessive creepy way. We have to accept the crap even if we hate it. We can hold our heads high and mock it and those involved in creating it because we are Star Trek Fans! So, Yes Virginia there is a **Star Trek V The Final Frontier,** it does exist in our hearts and memories like love, heartburn and the bad stench of feted feet fresh from the swamp. The world may not be a better place for having it, but it gives us another reason to bitch about Shatner. The Editor\* ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/64 "2006-05-09T02:57:39Z")
I still think the funniest line ever is “Spock … Help me, Spock!” (from the episode where they get to fight alongside Lincoln & some Vulcan hero against Genghis Khan & some other evil folk. That in itself was just funny.) ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/65 "2006-05-09T03:01:56Z")
The scene from ST VI: The Undiscovered Country, where Kirk and McCoy are in the prison camp and looking for a way to escape. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it but I recall their escape plan had something to do with Kirk getting it on with the woman who turned out to be a shape-shifter. Anyway, while they’re going at it (or shortly afterwards), McCoy rolls over in his bunk, gives Kirk this exasperated look and deadpans “What \*is it \*with you?” ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/66 "2006-05-09T03:13:19Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Interrogator: “Name?” > > Chekov: “My name?” > > Interrogator [sarcastically]: “No, my name.” > > Chekov: “I do not know your name!” > > Interrogator: “You play games with me mister, and you’re through!” > > Chekov: “I am? May I go now?” And don’t forget the rest of the exchange between the interrogator and his pal: “He’s a Russkie.” “Of course he’s a Russkie, but he’s some kind of retard!” ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/67 "2006-05-09T03:32:15Z")
I can’t believe we’ve gotten to 66 posts without a mention of “I, Mudd” from _TOS_. This was one of my favorites from the time it was first aired. Now, I haven’t seen it in decades, so maybe I wouldn’t find it quite so funny today, nor can I recall any quotes from memory (although I’m sure some Doper Trekker will be along soon to provide a few). But I sure liked it when I was 15-25. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/68 "2006-05-09T04:15:04Z")
Nobody has yet mentioned my favorite line from _The Voyage Home_: Where Chekov is asking for directions to “Alameda, where they keep the nuclear wessels” Living in northern California, Alameda actually happens to come up in conversation every now and then. This gives me plenty of opportunities to use the line, which is meant with either a knowing chuckle, or the blankest stare imaginable. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/69 "2006-05-09T04:19:26Z")
Here’s one that’s mostly just funny in its quotability, but a friend and I get endless use out of the Pakleds’ “We look for things. We look for things to make us go.” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/70 "2006-05-09T04:26:26Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Here’s one that’s mostly just funny in its quotability, but a friend and I get endless use out of the Pakleds’ “We look for things. We look for things to make us go.” My brother and I had the same thing going after we saw that episode. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/71 "2006-05-09T04:31:51Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Absolutely. But the drunk-Klingon-taunting-the-Federation scene earlier in the episode is comedy gold too, especially when a slight on the ship causes Scotty to suggest, a little dangerously, that the Klingon might reconsider his last comment. > > DK: “You’re right. I didn’t mean to say that the Enterprise ought to be towing away garbage…” > > \*\*\* Scotty appears mollified\*\* > > DK: “…I meant that it should _be_ towed away _as_ garbage!”. The absolute best part of this exchange-and it’s subtle-is that the Klingon apes Scotty’s accent when he says “you’re right”. Watch it again and listen closely. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/72 "2006-05-09T05:23:18Z")
Worf and Data, getting wedding presents for… O’Brien and Keiko? _The image of a delicate glass swan is shown._ > [@](#): > > "It was my understanding that the item selected should reflect the personality of whoever is giving the gift. > > This does not remind me of you." ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/73 "2006-05-09T06:59:43Z")
> [@Fabulous Creature](#): > > She was late fifties by that point, and it was a body double. Besides, I’d have to WATCH ST:5 for that, and that clearly is unacceptable. If so, they chose a piss poor body double. Looked like her to me. About the only thing going for it was that the people she was distracting were old and desperate. That scene was a lowlight of even that movie. Another funny one, though. In Amok Time, Spock keeps countermanding Kirk’s orders to head for Vulcan. After about the fifth course change, Sulu says to his just introduced navigator “What do you think, Chekov.” “I think I’m getting space sick.” ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/74 "2006-05-09T07:07:58Z")
> [@Khan](#): > > Also, from “The Doomsday Machine,” there was an exchange between Kirk and Decker that went something like this: > > Kirk: “Matt, where’s your crew?” > Decker: “On the planet!” > Kirk: “What planet?” > Decker: “There was, but not any more!!” > > No doubt one of the most unintentionally funny exchanges in the series. Unintentional? I think not. William Windom, a fine actor, was teaching Shatner what overacting really looks like. Notice how he fidgets with one of the tapes on the bridge. Notice his bug eyes when heading in the shuttlecraft for the giant planet-eating carrot. A hilarious performance, in perhaps my favorite Trek (written by Norman Spinrad to boot.) ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/75 "2006-05-09T07:44:21Z")
“I don’t eat! This is not a real mouth. It is an approximation of one. I do not have an esophagus, or a stomach, or a digestive system. I am not _like_ you. Every sixteen hours, I turn into a _liquid_!” “…I can swim.” - Odo and Lwaxana, “The Forsaken” “I assume this couldn’t wait until morning.” “No, sir. I need to use a runabout.” “…I’m waiting.” “It’s Garak, sir. He wants to go to Bajor.” “Bajor. For what?” “He wouldn’t tell me.” “Well, by all means. Will one runabout be enough?” - Sisko and Bashir, “Cardassians” “I was in the underground.” “Really! Perhaps we have met!” - Deela and Garak, “Cardassians” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/76 "2006-05-09T10:11:14Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > The scene from ST VI: The Undiscovered Country, where Kirk and McCoy are in the prison camp and looking for a way to escape. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it but I recall their escape plan had something to do with Kirk getting it on with the woman who turned out to be a shape-shifter. Anyway, while they’re going at it (or shortly afterwards), McCoy rolls over in his bunk, gives Kirk this exasperated look and deadpans “What \*is it \*with you?” That reminds me of the later scene where Kirk and the shapeshifter ( who now is a Kirk duplicate ) are fighting. Real Kirk : “I can’t believe I kissed you !” Fake Kirk : “It must have fullfilled a lifelong fantasy.” ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/77 "2006-05-09T10:46:56Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > And in Unification Pt. 2, Commander Sela is drafting a speech for Ambassador Spock, to deflect attention away from the Romulan invasion. Sela says at one point she enjoys writing, and doesn’t have many opportunites to write. > > Data says “Perhaps you would be happier in a different job.” > > The look Sela gives him is priceless. And there’s another great exchange between Sela and Spock: Sela: Now, read this speech I’ve prepared for you. Spock. I will not. Sela: Read it or I’ll kill you! Spock: You have already said you plan to kill me regardless. As I will die in any event, I choose not to cooperate. Sela: I _hate_ Vulcans! And of course, my favorite Picard line, “Well, I look forward to your report, Mr. Broccoli.” ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/78 "2006-05-09T11:25:58Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > Q has been stripped of his powers and is trying to convince TNG crew he is now mortal. > > \*\*Q : \*\* Hoew can I prove it yo you. > > (crew thinks) > > \*\*Worf : \*\* Die. > > \*\* Q : \*\* Oh, thank you Mister Worf. Have you eaten any good books lately? Heh, thought of that almost immediately. As a cat owner, I liked the episode where Data leaves Spot with Worf for a while to look after. Instructions are left for Worf to tell Spot he/she/it is a good cat, a pretty cat 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Clanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/79 "2006-05-09T12:06:35Z")
Sight gags so not funny to read about but anyway. In First Contact I love Riker’s reaction when Troi falls off her chair having _blended in_ with Zeffren Cochran. TVH: Spock in the pool doing a mind meld with the whale. “Attempting the hell to communicate”. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926/80 "2006-05-09T12:18:16Z")
How can I forget all the great lines of Garak When Bashir decides to relate the story of the Boy Who cried wolf Garak corrects him on the Moral “No Doctor you have it all wrong, The Moral is never tell the same line twice” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funniest-star-trek-moment/355926.md?page=5)