Funniest things said in class

…by you, the teacher (or professor), or a classmate.
I was in a Learning Skills course at El Camino College. The professor was discussing a short film on the topic–problem solving–and said “if it’s decent I’ll have it to show you in a few weeks.”

I asked, “When do we get to see it if it’s indecent?”

The class broke up laughing.

Please post your own experiences. :smiley:

Had one last Thursday in the Taekwondo school. We were working sticks in the weapons class and were practicing the 9 striking lines against the heavy bags. I’m telling them to put some power behind the strikes and this one [del]precocious little brat[/del] kid stops and asks, “What did this poor bag ever do to me to deserve a beating like this?”

Of course, everyone cracks up laughing. :smiley:

As I pass back AP Psych tests:

White Boy: Mr. G, what was the highest score?
Me: 98%.
WB: What was the highest non-Asian score?
Me: 94%.
WB: looks at score, jumps out of desk, and punches air, “Yes!”

In one of my college classes. Analysis and Arguement IIRC. A fellow female classmate.

Hyperbole. But not pronounced hi per bo lee. Pronounced hyper boil.

Fetus. But not pronounced fee tuss. Pronounced pho heat ut sis.

Boils and Taco Bell products will never be the same…

My damn English teacher made me read the part of Macbeth. So I ad-libbed, “What a crappy day” instead of the Shakespeare drivel. Those who were following along busted up.

Freshman year of high school, in the Putnam County (NY) Public Schools’ equivalent of World History: I had neglected to turn in an assignment 'cause I forgot the darn thing was due. A few others had also not done the assignment and the teacher had us write a 250-or-so word assignment explaining why not.

I couldn’t come up with more than two sentences. Fortunately, I had recently acquired a comedy book about school life and used its section on “homework not done” excuses to pad out my make-up assignment. For example: “I did the assignment but my sister used the paper to blot her lipstick.”

Mr. Mamazza read the whole thing to class. Which was highly entertained by the list of quasi-Epstein excuses.

I liked the time Juan’s sister came to class. Carmen presented a note signed “Epstein’s sister’s mother.” :smiley:

The teacher had to step out for a couple of minutes and said “I trust I’m leaving you in competent hands.”

A classmate replied in a perfect Curly Howard voice, “Soitainly. We’re all incompetent here!”

Much laughter followed.

I was teaching a class once when a friend, Bill, who worked in the Calibration Lab poked his head in to get an quick count on how many oscilloscopes and DMMs were in the class room that he’d have to put on his list. I said hi to him and told the class “Say hello to Petty Officer Lastname from the Cal Lab”. So they all said to him, to my surprise, in unison in a sing songy tone “Good afternoon, Petty Officer Lastname.” Bill’s eyes got huge and he bolted from the room.

Later that day, after classes, an instructor from another class told me that Bill told him what happened and asked what the hell do I do to my students.

Reading the book aloud, and said “octopussy” by mistake.


I used to teach DUI classes- the kind drunk drivers have to take to get their licenses back after all the other requirements are met.

We were reading short stories and discussing why the characters should reduce their drinking. A man was said to “really love his wife and two teenagers. Why should he make low-risk drinking choices?”

The answer? “So his wife won’t find out about those two teenagers!!”

For context, I attended a Catholic school.

One day, at the end of class, one of the other students asked the teacher ‘Is the Pope Jewish?’

In my AP English class, we read “Nobody Knows” by Sherwood Anderson. It’s intentionally obscure about what actually happens between two characters. A group of us decided that the best answer to give was that they played backgammon. The teacher was very confused…especially when we started backing it up with passages from the book. “They sat down upon the boards…” “He was about to make his move…”
Ok…you might have had to be there for that one.

Grade 10 student: “May I be excused from class? I’m on my period.”
Teacher: “No.”

The student then vomited on the teacher and then ran off to the washroom.

What was funny about it was that the student was male.

(Later the student told me that he had felt very sick, but didn’t think the teacher would let him leave, so he used the excuse that worked for the girls in the class.)

I hope that teacher was suitably mortified and lost the students’ respect for that arrogant answer. :slight_smile:

When my brother was in driver’s ed in high school, the teacher was talking about speeding, and said, “So, what if an elephant crawls out on the highway - what are you going to do?” and one of his classmates said, “Yeah, right, an elephant crawls out onto a highway in Iowa! I am so sure.” :stuck_out_tongue:

Maybe not funny, but the look on the professor’s face was priceless, as was his sputtering response. I was in college in the early 1990s, and we had a lecture about AIDS and STDs, and the professor kept talking about the percentage of women who do or do not use condoms. I raised my hand and asked, “So, on what part of a woman’s body does she wear a condom?” Many of my classmates groaned and rolled their eyes, and the professor, a middle-aged man, didn’t seem to have an answer for that. :dubious:

In a college Calculus class, as we were getting into Analytic Geometry, I called out:


Translation of Axioms.

4th year in secondary school (we were 15-16). We had this teacher in French class (our mother tongue) who was not particularly bright.

One day, he was struggling to explain a rather advanced stylistics point. “I’ll try to come up with a good example. Just give me a minute”, he said.

He takes on a very serious look. We’re waiting.

Long pause. He’s concentrating. He slowly says: “The singer…”

Another long pause. He’s racking his brains and looks very inspired. It’s going to be so deep. His voice is wobbly from the effort.

At last, he adds: “… sang…”

Then someone at the back of the class yells: “A SONG !”

The little bit of credibilty that the teacher had left was gone.

Sooner or later every biology teacher is going to have a student who confuses the word “organism” with “orgasm”.

When we were looking about reproduction in Biology class, a female student asked “why does semen taste salty if there’s sugar in it?”
the teacher said “that’s because the taste receptors for sweet are on the tip of your tongue, not the back of your throat”

the class busted out laughing and she ran away embarrassed

“Fuck you Mrs. Adelman.”

  • My 5th grade classmate on my first day in a new school. We’ve been friends ever since.

(p.s. - she really was a miserable old battle axe.)