# Funny Amazon Reviews **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 17, 2015, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572 "2015-09-17T17:14:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/1 "2015-09-17T17:14:53Z")
I’ve read some of these before, but here’s a whole stack of Amazon reviews written by funny people with too much time o their hands. > **[50 Funny Amazon Reviews | The Mary Sue](https://www.themarysue.com/funny-amazon-reviews/2/)** > > By far the largest retailer on the Internet, Amazon.com is a modern-day bazaar of wonders, with an unbelievably vast inventory. Some of that inventory is really strange and some very funny people have used Amazon's "Reviews" section to send up... On a revie for a T-shirt with three wolves howling at the moon: > [@](#): > > “This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him. > > …" (The shirt review resurfaces in the last one on the site) Or this one on a can of Uranium ore: > [@](#): > > “I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.” [quote] ---
**Author:** ![Stealth\_Bragg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@Stealth\_Bragg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stealth_Bragg)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/2 "2015-09-18T09:48:31Z")
Love the one for the Relaxation Capsule: “One drawback, when it was delivered the capsule had no bolt on the outside. But I’m handy, so I installed one. I have been locking the wife and kids into the chamber from 7pm to 7am every evening, and boy am I relaxed. This really works.” ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/3 "2015-09-18T12:12:24Z")
I seem to remember doing this before (but I’ll let someone else find the thread). In the mean time, I direct your attention towards [55 gallons of lubricant](http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1442578052&sr=8-2&keywords=55+gallon+drum+of+lube) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/4 "2015-09-18T12:22:03Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > I seem to remember doing this before (but I’ll let someone else find the thread). > > In the mean time, I direct your attention towards [55 gallons of lubricant](http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1442578052&sr=8-2&keywords=55+gallon+drum+of+lube) One of the reviews from this: > [@](#): > > As UPS discretely unloaded my 55 gallon drum, the driver accidentally spilled it into my driveway. Any amount of cars can now fit into the garage. There are _ **309** _ reviews for this one. People are having too much fun. ---
**Author:** ![Gothic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Gothic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gothic)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/5 "2015-09-18T12:33:05Z")
My favorites were the mom’s reviewing the vibrating Harry Potter broomstick. Keep the batteries out!, December 26, 2001 Reviewer: A toy enthusiast from NJ This toy was #1 on my daughter’s Christmas list. So what the heck, although it has no educational value I figured it would be good for imaginative play. It wasn’t until after she opened her gift and started playing with it that I realized that the toy may offer a more than sensational experience. The broomstick has cute sound effects and _ **VIBRATES** _ when they put it between their legs to fly. Come on—what were the creators of this toy thinking? She’ll keep playing with the Nimbus 2000, but with the batteries removed. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/6 "2015-09-18T15:37:49Z")
[Won’t make sense unless you’ve seen the new _Mad Max_ movie.](http://www.amazon.com/Wilton-710-5521-Silver-Color-Mist/dp/B005KTVG86/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1442590570&sr=8-1) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/7 "2015-09-18T17:14:37Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > [Won’t make sense unless you’ve seen the new _Mad Max_ movie.](http://www.amazon.com/Wilton-710-5521-Silver-Color-Mist/dp/B005KTVG86/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1442590570&sr=8-1) Three Hundred and Thirty Nine reviews??? ---
**Author:** ![Gothic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Gothic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gothic)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/8 "2015-09-18T17:58:03Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Three Hundred and Thirty Nine reviews??? I took off one star because it does not have a subscribe & save option. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/9 "2015-09-18T20:36:52Z")
Not a review, but one of the customer questions. [Anova Culinary Precision Cooker](http://www.amazon.com/Anova-Culinary-Precision-Cooker-Black/dp/B00UKPBXM4) “Can you use this to cook raptor?” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2015, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/10 "2015-09-20T02:20:12Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Three Hundred and Thirty Nine reviews??? Three different colors are available via that page and the reviews are lumped together. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2015, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-amazon-reviews/731572/11 "2015-09-20T03:25:30Z")
ALL of the [reviews](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/three-wolf-moon) for the Three Wolf Moon shirt are pretty much the same. Probably the best finds would be at [The Worst Things For Sale](http://theworstthingsforsale.com/).