# Funny AND true telemarketer stories **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 25, 2003, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-and-true-telemarketer-stories/157378 "2003-02-25T11:58:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-and-true-telemarketer-stories/157378/21 "2003-02-26T01:38:10Z")
Well, if I’m in a helpful mood and they don’t argue when I say “no,” then I tell them “have a nice day!” They’re just doing their job, and not being rude about my not wanting to contribute. One that I keep planning on doing as soon as one calls when I have time and asks to speak to the lady of the house: Them: Hello, may I please speak to the lady of the house? Me (high pitched voice): Oh, dear, you must mean me! But I do take such offense to being called a mere “lady.” I am a _duchess_! An aristocrat! How dare you call me a “lady!” Apologize this instant! And that would continue on in that vein… ---
**Author:** ![airdisc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e19adc/32.png) [@airdisc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/airdisc)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2003, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-and-true-telemarketer-stories/157378/22 "2003-02-26T01:59:53Z")
Guy I know did this one: _ring_ Telemarketer: Hello, I’m from Company X, and I’d like to offer you a free vacation in Atlantic City Guy: Will I be staying in a hotel? Telemarketer: Yes, you’ll be staying in the luxurious (name of hotel). Guy: Does it have a goat rack? Telemarketer: A coat rack? Guy: No, a goat rack. Telemarketer: What’s a goat rack? Guy: It’s a place to hang your goat. Anyway, can I reserve it for May 16, 2004? Telemarketer: No, I’m sorry, the vacation offer is only good for one year. Guy: Damn. Does the room come with a TV? Telemarketer: Yes, it comes with a big screen TV with 250 channels. Guy: Good, I can watch Sesame Street. Too bad I can’t get a room for May 16, 2004. Telemarketer: Why? Guy: That’s when the planets align and I can make the Sesame Sacrifice. Telemarketer: Ummmm, okay… Guy: DO YOU KNOW THE SACRIFICE? THIS MUST HAPPEN! _click_ Of course, when I tried to duplicate this, the telemarketer hung up after I asked about the goat rack. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-and-true-telemarketer-stories/157378/23 "2003-02-26T02:03:42Z")
ME: Hello? VOICE: Hello, I’m calling to tell you about MCI’s new offer. ME: Yes? VOICE: Do you use MCI? ME: (slowly) No. VOICE: Who do you use? ME: I don’t know. VOICE: You don’t know? ME: Yes. VOICE: Who’s on your bills. ME: Umm…AT&T. VOICE: Long distance? ME: I guess. VOICE: What about local calls? ME: I don’t make them. VOICE: You don’t? ME: Yeah. VOICE: Would you like to switch to MCI? ME: No. VOICE: Are you interested in saving money? ME: No. VOICE: (baffled) You’re not? ME: Yes. VOICE: Even if it was a lot of money? ME: No. VOICE: What do you pay now? ME: About $32.00 VOICE: What if I told you that MCI could reduce your bill to $17.85? ME: I still wouldn’t. VOICE: Why not? ME: I don’t like change. VOICE: Even if the only change was the name on the bill? ME: Yes. VOICE: Goodbye. ME: (slowly) Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-and-true-telemarketer-stories/157378/24 "2003-02-26T02:06:20Z")
I also started speaking in “Spanish” (actual Spanish words spoken in the wrong order. Basically nonsense.) to one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-and-true-telemarketer-stories/157378.md?page=1)